It’s been a long road for Stan Kroenke to get finally own the worst team in the NFL, but it looks like he might finally get the team. First there was the sudden claim of the team from Shahid Khan, then the NFL rules he had to dodge about cross-city ownership, and after all that, he had to be all like “Dude. I don’t have the money, but I promise I will have it soon. Be cool. What happened? You used to be cool.”  None of that matters now because the NFL finance committee has unanimously voted in favor of our man Stan.

The NFL’s finance committee has unanimously recommended approval of Stan Kroenke’s Rams purchase bid, the Post-Dispatch has confirmed through several league sources.

The finance committee will make its report and invite discussion Wednesday in Atlanta. At that time, Kroenke can comment or respond to questions as he chooses, and then the vote will take place.

The final vote will happened later today at the NFL owners meeting, but from here it looks to be smooth sailing for Stan Kroenke. Congrats Stan!

By the way, we have some issues with your new purchase: The team sucks, the arena they play in is crap and even with a #1 drafted quarterback, you still can’t put enough butts in the seats to get a home game shown on local TV.

Kroenke’s only issue? St. Louis’ lack of direct flights to L.A.

More:

Stan Kroenke Was All Like POW and Khan Was All Like WHAT?! Over Last Minute Rams Bid

Top 10 Things We Wish Stan Kroenke Would Step in and Buy

Mayor Slay Gets in to the Sports Reporting Business

Kroenke Tries Putting the Rams on Layaway

“You know what? Screw it! I’m going to buy them!”

“I think that’s against the rules.”

“Nah. I can get around them.”

“Ok, so you are serious? Because someone already said that they wanted to buy them.”

“Screw that guy, I’m going to buy them.”

“Eh…I guess we can change the rules…”

“Yeah, change them.”

“Good point. Ok, we’ll change them. That will be $600 Million dollars please.”

“I only have half. I’m good for it though.”

“What?!”

“I’ll give you the other half in a few years. “

That’s you Stan Kroenke. That’s our impression of you.

via St Louis Business Journal

Stan Kroenke shocked everyone by jumping in at the last second to make a play for 100% ownership of the St. Louis Rams. That’s fine and all, but the Rams had a buyer already. Their’s way better stuff for Kroenke to drop his cash on…

10. Arby’s. Who doesn’t love Arby’s?

9. A soccer team.

8. 4,000 pairs of white socks. Never buy socks again.

7. Nickelback. So they’ll never play again.

6. 1 lion, 1 gorilla, 1 cage, tons of seats.

5. The cast and set of Charles In Charge.

4. A massaging robot…an asian massaging robot. For us. As a present.

3. Kryptonite, to finally stop that insufferable Superman!

2. Me. *wink*

1. Better hair.

In a move that can be describe no other way than “utter badassery” current minority owner of the Rams and owner of the Denver Nuggets, Colorado Avalanche and some “Futbol” team you don’t care about, decided at the last possible second that “Yup, totally buying the Rams too.”

“We are pleased to announce that we have exercised our right to purchase the remaining interest in the St. Louis Rams football team under the terms of our Partnership Agreement,” Kroenke said in a statement. “We have enjoyed our involvement in the National Football League since our original expansion efforts beginning in 1993 and our subsequent 15-year partnership with the Rams.

But wait, aren’t there rules in place where he couldn’t buy the Rams since he owns franchies in other NFL cities? No one thought he was going to do this because he couldn’t…right?

Rules?! What rules? There are no rules when you are Stan Kroenke! The NFL can’t stop him from buying a team and  you can’t stop him from wearing that rug on his head.

The assumption had been that the NFL’s rules against cross-ownership might preclude Kroenke from exercising his option to purchase the Rams outright if Rosenbloom decided to sell. Kroenke had 60 days to announce his decision once Illinois businessman Shahid Khan made an offer. Kroenke already owns the NBA and NHL teams in Denver, meaning his majority ownership of the Rams could threaten the Broncos. But his deep pockets and familiarity could appeal to the league, possibly giving Kroenke the leverage he needs to push through his bid.

Rumor has it that Kroenke made the final call on the Rams sale to, “Stop it with all the damn ‘Khan!’ joke headlines in the media. I mean really? That’s the only joke anyone could come up with? What happened to writing or imagination? Freaking ridiculous man. You all are horrible. I mean really horrible.”

Here are what (we think) some local sports media members will say about the news:

Bernie Miklasz, STLToday and WXOS: “Yeah, I knew this was going down. Wanted to give the other guys a shot though. Also hockey reporters suck.”

Howard Balzer, Globe-Democrat: “Sh*t, I’ve been sucking up to the wrong owner…I mean…what Bernie said, but lets say I said it first ok?”

D’Marco Farr, WXOS: “Blah blah Dick Vermeil blah blah Greatest Show on Turf!”

Kevin Slaten, WSLG: “What a dummy! Grrrr I’m getting mad for ratings. Can anyone hear me?”

Quotes via ESPN.com