When will the hatred stop? What did these harmless little nocturnal creatures ever do to you? They just want to love you…is that so much to ask?

Please leave computer nerds alone 18 year old girls. Laughing when they ask you to the prom is plenty of pain. There’s no need to start crashing your cars through the front windows of computer repair stores!

Police said a vehicle smashed into Tony’s Computer Shop in the 1200 block of South Duchesne at about 2:30 p.m. A witness said the driver is an 18-year-old girl who was taken away in an ambulance and then returned to the scene.

Brutal. Witness, as told to KMOV, said that the car “suddenly ramped over the parking curb and into the building.” luckily the only nerd inside was unharmed wile in a back room working…or looking at porn. Other than the use of a joystick, the two tasks are indistinguishable.

via KMOV

St. Charles County voters voted down not one but two medial marijuana proposals even after Cottleville, MO mayor Don Yarber pushed for the bills because of his own wife’s success with medial marijuana.

Apparently St. Chuck voters think Mrs Yarber is nothing more than a pothead. At least that’s the clear sentiment from one voter interview after leaving the polls by KSDK:

Ladonna Johnson, said she voted “no” on the initiative, saying there are better ways to solve medical problems than with marijuana.

Congratulations Ms Johnson! You somehow managed to throw out a quote that was surprisingly stupid even for someone named “Ladonna”.

“There are better ways to solve medical problems than with marijuana.”

First, unless we are mistaken, you aren’t Dr. Ladonna Johnson, so how the hell do you know if its not the best solution to some medical condition?  Secondly, what are your “better ways”? …let us guess: Other drugs. Would you feel safer if it was a marijuana pill? We don’t want to trip you out Ladumbass, but there are illegal drugs in pill form too.

We don’t mind disagreement, but the least  you could do is come up with an argument that has more to it than “Because.”

Rodney Wells took the measure to heart Tuesday. The St. Charles County man says he uses the drug to counteract the effects of epilepsy and adds that it works for him.

Early Tuesday, Wells showed up on a corner near the Cottleville City Hall with a sign supporting the marijuana bills. He says some people honked and waved in support, and others showed their lack of support in other ways.

We’d say there’s no reason to be rude, but this is St. Charles County we are talking about. The home of “Christian” values, sweater vests and happiness for all…unless you are gay, mexican or hold any opinion other than the norm. Is that a generalization? Of course. But you gotta admit its damn close to spot on.

In the meantime, these measures, like all marijuana measures failed. It turns out all of those that are for legal marijuana in any form tend to be more prone to having important tasks like voting slip their mind.

At least there’s still K2. Oh wait. I guess those of you that need your weed will just have to go buy it from your usual source…Ladonna Johnson’s kid.

via KSDK

Counties passing laws that ban texting while driving are the Lady Gaga of lower-level governments. Everyone seems to love them because they sound good, but when you get up close and really think about it, its kinda stupid and ugly. Also, those weird outfits just seem like a whole “Hey look at me with my crazy outfits that always hide my face like the Phantom of the Opera because I’m ugly and pay no attention to those rumors about me having a little penis.”

Where were we? Something about texting?

St. Charles County Executive Steve Ehlmann signed an order prohibiting any county employees from texting while driving.  This applies to anyone driving a county vehicle or doing county business in their personal car if they are reimbursed for mileage.

“It isn’t a matter of them texting for the fun of it,” says Ehlmann. “Even if it’s part of the job we want them to pull over, do their text and then resume their travel.”

The thing about “no texting while driving” laws is that they are about effective as the old sodomy laws, in that they aren’t. How the hell do you police something like this?  Maybe the guy that just made this a rule for St. Charles County employees knows since he clearly thinks this is important:

There was talk of a countywide ban for all drivers, but the sheriff’s department convinced the county council it would be too tough to enforce.

Well there you go. Text away St. Charles County employees!

We aren’t saying we are “pro” texting while driving. It’s dumb. But so is pretty much anything else you do instead of facing forward with your hands at 10 and 2: eating, talking to someone, giving that asshat that just can’t stay in his lane the finger, blowing your nose while using your knees to hold the wheel, screaming at your kids, checking out the hot broad in the next lane one car back, desperately trying to get something out of your pocket but its stuck on the little seam at the top and your about to freak out but you really need that coupon for Chick-Fil-A because those waffle fries are the only thing good in your life these days and getting them free would allow you to keep it together just long enough to get home without driving your car in to an overpass just so you don’t have to go back to work your local tv news job and blab on the radio because you’re a giant douche and everyone knows it!

Crap we forgot what we were talking about again.

via KSDK

Its all over the blogs.  That fake weed K2 has been banned in St. Charles apparently because for a second there, a child enjoyed himself in St. Charles and that crap just can’t keep happening.

Besides the fact that the poor emo kids that are too pussy to buy real weed are now really sad and won’t stop watching their Twilight DVD, something else amazing happened! Channel 4, KMOV, learned a little bit about how America works.  Good for them.

“K2 ban means less business for St. Charles store owner“

Tabbat’s store [the South 94 Bait and Tackle Trading shop] sells fishing tackle and smoking supplies, but business was slow until K2 came along. The owner admits there were days when her sales reached $7,000.

Now Tabbat’s customers are going to St. Louis County to buy K2, which means she will have to make job cuts. “The sad thing is I had hired three people, said Tabbat. “Now, I am going to have to lay them off.”

Oh. So making something illegal makes things tough on people trying to sell it legally huh?  I had no idea. That is so strange. How did all those bars make do during the prohibition?

….

According to Wikipedia, not well.

Guess what?!  Another study came out saying that living in St. Louis city proper is a death wish!

Residents of St. Charles County have the best opportunities in Missouri to be healthy, while people who live in St. Louis city have the worst, according to a new report.

To compile the report, researchers looked at data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Environmental Protection Agency, the FBI, the U.S. Census Bureau and other sources.

So St. Charles is the healthiest place in Missouri huh?  Factor in the fact that its boring as hell there and then tell me where the place to live is. You want to live forever in Pleasantville, or do you want to live fast and hard and leave a somewhat attractive corpse after dodging omnipresent random gun fire, street fights and enough venereal disease to take down Ron Jeremy?!

That’s what I thought…bitch.  High five!

Now lets go get tats.  …dibs on a bunny!

via STLToday

Dude!  Oh man, what’s up?!

Don’t you recognize me?!  It’s St. Charles man!  Your boy St. Chuck!  …look, I’ve got a problem man.  Could I get a few bucks from  you?

No no no no!  Its not like that.  Its just…man…times are tough dude and I…I just need a little cash right now to get me through.

Ok ok.  Its not charity man!  I’m selling some stuff!   …um look, here’s a list.  See anything there you like?

I’ve got a Palm!  …kinda like an iPhone.  You need eight cardboard magazine holders?  No?  How about some well worn, 50 foot microphone cables?  Oh wait!  A Zip Drive!  You wanna a Zip Drive?  Its the eight track of the computer world dude!  You need to store something more than a floppy disk but don’t want to care around a cumbersome thumb drive with 22x the storage?  Zip drive that crap dude!

…lets see…what else do I have…

A doorbell that I’m not sure works?  Hmmm?  Office chair, with arms?  You love arms!

…ok fine, then how about you give me five bucks and I won’t stab  you?

[Editor's Note: Everything listed in bold is the exact description from the list of crap they are "auctioning" off Sunday.]

Via our tipsters and STLToday.

Wait wait wait wait.  You are telling me that in this totally awesome housing market, the maker of St. Charles County’s most famous compound, with all those shiny new houses, isn’t doing well?

Totally.  Shocking.

Did you pick up on the sarcasm?  We were laying it down pretty thick.

Oh but apparently there is spin good news.  Don’t get me wrong, they are still totally going bankrupt, but apparently its the good kind or something:

In a statement on the company’s website, Whittaker says that despite “a nationwide decline in the housing market, an unyieldingly tight credit market and the overall uncertainty in the economy attributed to the global financial crisis” it wrote 98 contracts in the second and third quarters of 2009.

Hey look everyone!  We are the world’s tallest midget!

via STLToday.com

Dan McLaughlin (right) is quite the St. Charles County Ambulance Board Member.

For one, he shares the name of the Cardinals TV broadcaster.

For two, he looks like Jack Nicholson’s love child with Eddie Munster.

For three, this one time he got drunk and drove around in his car.

For four, this other time he got drunk and drove around in his car.

For five, this other other time, he got drunk and drove around in his car.

Oh yeah, thats three DUIs!   Guess who thinks thats not cool for an elected official?  His opponents!

Veteran board member Michael Garman said Wednesday he will call for McLaughlin’s resignation because of a guilty plea for impaired driving in Michigan in 1998.

Last week Garman said that McLaughlin’s guilty plea in 2002 for drunken driving and a pending DWI case from 2007 were an embarrassment to an agency that regularly preaches sober driving and deals with the aftermath of those who don’t heed the message.

“The third charge within a 10-year period — that’s just not setting the right example,” Garman said Wednesday.

Of course the reply for the McLaughlin camp is the standard “Well, he was elected by the people so suck it.  …Shots!  Lets do shots!” response you would imagine, but we at Punching Kitty do have one little rebuttal:

Dude, no one actually goes to the polls for the big St. Charles County Ambulance Board Member election.  You got on the board because in one of your drunken stupors  you filled out the paperwork, and the people of St. Charles County have no freaking clue who the hell you are.

Its ok, we all do dumb stuff when drunk.  You however, just happen to do a lot more than most, like driving, and getting that short buzz cut with those ears.

[Story and photo from STLToday.com]