Yesterday we brought you the absurd tale of one Laura Coppinger, the once Sugar Plum Fairy in the St. Charles annual Christmas pageant that was fired on grounds that she cussed at a standard city employee drug screening. Cussing, apparently even while not in character, is a big no-no for St. Charles’ Christmas staff as stated in the sounds fake, but apparently all too real, “Christmas Traditions Code of Conduct”. Obviously this is absurd! It’s one thing to be fired over cussing while in costume surrounded by kids, but it’s quite another story if you are out and about looking very un fairy-like and decide to cuss on your own free time. But while St. Charles is clearly a city with a large stick up their ass, we’re now wondering: Was she really dimed out and fired for spontaneous cussing away from work, or was it because her other performing gigs involve a little less costume and a lot more skin?

We recently were made aware that Laura Coppinger, former Sugar Plum Fairy, also performs burlesque under the name “Mimi le Yu“.

“Research” and “fact checking” are crap we let the real news people do, leaving us more time to do things that we’re good at like obscure reference dick jokes and pissing people off, but rarely does research involve burlesque, so lets do this thing! …so we need like a oversized magnifying glass now or what?

[Mentally create and watch us in a research montage...now!]

[...ok now fade the montage out to black...perfect. Now continue reading.]

It didn’t take long to lock down the fact that “Mimi le Yu” is definitely the name of an active burlesque dancer and her photos to have a strong resemblance to the photos that have been included in the recent “Sugar Plum Fairy” news (note the teeth).

…oh and there’s this MySpace post with a captions of both her real name, and her burlesque name:

So ok, the research wasn’t that hard. Laura Coppinger aka the nationally known Sugar Plum Fairy, is also burlesque dancer Mimi le Yu! But is that why St. Charles city let her go from her long-time post as the Sugar Plum Fairy? If so, is the cussing a cover-up? Why not tell Coppinger the “real” reason then, as it’s pretty clear she’s under the impression she was fired for off-duty cussing? Maybe the city used the cussing as the one clear rule violation as a way to get her out the door without having to dive in to the whole naughty details? No one knows for sure since St. Charles sure isn’t talking so far.

To be clear, we’re not saying she should have been fired for being a burlesque dancer, or for cussing at herself on her own time. She seems like a cool chick, a great Sugar Plum Fairy, and looks to put on a hell of a burlesque show. We’re just wondering why we hadn’t heard this connection being made anywhere else. If St. Charles will shit-can Christmas characters for saying “shit-can”, you’d think they’d really be against this:

We’re not. We think that’s just super…but you gotta think St. Charles city officials don’t really agree with us too often. We can probably all agree on pudding though. Everyone loves pudding.

Photo Credits:

1. Plasticfootball on Flickr

2. STLToday

3. arkbuilder on MySpace

4. Lee Harris for the Riverfront Times

Update: We’ve found some interesting new information with the other character she plays while not being the Sugar Plum Fairy. Her other character is considerably more naked, which is awesome.

Original post follows…

We learned two new things today: St. Charles has an annual Christmas pageant, and the Sugar Plum Fairy has a dirty dirty mouth…and it’s not from that yellow snow she accidentally ate over by the reindeer barn.

Laura Coppinger worked with Christmas Traditions for six years, and spent five of them as the Sugar Plum Fairy. She says she even spent some of her own money to make improvements to the wings on her costume.

“I made her larger than life,” Coppinger said of her Sugar Plum Fairy character. “And each year she kinda got bigger and bigger.”

But this year, Coppinger won’t get a chance to spread Christmas cheer.

The Sugar Plum Fairy has been let go, after cursing during a drug test for the job.

The drug test is mandatory for all city employees, but the rules about cussing aren’t. After she accidentally flushed the toilet causing her to have to do the test over again, she cussed, it got reported, and boom she was fired. The grounds of her release are rooted in her violation of the “Christmas Traditions Code of Conduct”, which states that “Christmas characters don’t know naughty words.” …you’ve got to be f*cking kidding.

1. She wasn’t even working when it happened.

2. Santa knows how to talk some shit. You think you can dodge reindeer turds and trip over elves all this time and not drop an f-bomb or two?

3. Who the hell rats out a lady that plays the Sugar Plum Fairy once a year who cusses to herself at a drug test? Wow. Sounds like the Sugar Plum Fairy needs to cut a bitch up.

While the St. Charles’ local government waits for the press and public pressure to build enough to lower their stock to “tone def-con 3″, there as been a Facebook page created and a food drive started to help raise Sugar Plum Fairy awareness of this situation. Apparently this fairy needs more than happy thoughts about you to believing in her to survive. She also needs those cans of cream corn you won’t eat.

Oh and St. Charles? No one knew who this chick was 2 weeks ago, and now with your dumb-ass rules, you’ve created the most powerful Sugar Plum Fairy this world has ever seen. You created a powerful enemy!

Laura Coppinger, the actress who portrays the popular festival character, was not in costume, but she was recognizable to the dozens who stopped by to shake her hand or snap a photo with her.

As Coppinger stood on the brick sidewalk, one young fan riding by in an SUV seemed to sum up the thoughts of many.

The little girl rolled down her window and yelled: “I love you Sugar Plum Fairy.”

Coppinger responded…

“Leave me along you little bitch! I’m not on the clock so I’m not your fucking Sugar Plum Fairy. Now keep fucking driving before I shove my foot up your ugly mom’s sniz so she can’t make any more of you!”

“Awww. I love you too.”

…oh, or that. We’re assuming the at least she thought that other stuff though, because if you cuss at a random surprising event that created a sudden urge of anger with an associated reflexive response, even if it was pointed at  yourself, causing you to expel air making tones that society has deemed as more offensive than other tones, then you are clearly a sick human being that has no reason to be anywhere near children. Thank god that others care enough to never cuss, like Coach Jerry Sandusky of Penn State, shown here helping a youngster get in the right position for the pounding he’s about to take.

via USAToday & STLToday

Update: We had a super-quick Twitter interview with the man himself. Check it out below!

St. Peters motorists yesterday evening were shocked after their eyes focused on the lilly white blur in the lane next to them. A naked dude on a motorcycle was seen heading east down Interstate 70, around the Cave Springs area, presumably heading MidRivers Mall or possibly Costco since jeans are really cheap there.

“Nobody was upset with it. Actually, there were quite a few people who, let’s say, were quite excited by it,” Wilson observed.

No word on who the mystery man is or why he was riding in the nude. [It has been] speculated that it may have been related to the hot weather or part of a dare.

Of course it was a dare, the real question is why the hell would he choose to fullfil said dare on 70 during rush hour as Mr. Naked Daredevil, like everyone else, got caught in a traffic jam. Even then, no one really seemed to mind since even being stuck next to this is better than rolling up next to the crazy-haired old fat lady shoveling down McDonalds in one hand and talking on the phone in the other.

One day later and his identity is still a mystery. He has no identifying marks and none of the photos show any plate numbers on the bike. All we have to go on are a helmet, some shoes and the bike itself. If anyone knows who this is, send him our way! We’ve love to ask him a few questions (anonymously of course). We got our chance! Here’s our quick Twitter interview with St. Peters’ naked biker:

Now it’s left to St. Charles’ no-fun patrol to go around and find this mystery man. St. Peters police are already sweeping the area, finding blue motorcycles and hesitantly sniffing the seats for that sour, incriminating man-ass sweat smell…which is now yet another reason to sell that bike or at least throw that seat away as soon as possible.

via KMOX

An old lady in St. Charles was shocked to see her water bill in April was for $2,043.78, and we’re all talking about this because nothing all that interesting is going on.

Kelly, who is 80 and lives alone in her home in the 2000 block of Graystone Drive, has been disputing the accuracy of the 351,000 gallons of metered water consumption the city billed her for.

Kelly sent a letter disputing the bill to the city’s public works director, Debra Aylsworth, in May and met with public works officials on June 14. Following that meeting, Kelly received a letter from John Zimmerman, assistant director of public works. In the letter, Zimmerman concludes that Kelly’s Neptune AMR meter was not malfunctioning and that the city could not offer an adjustment on her bill based on meter error.

Boom. Nice try old lady, but you’re meter is fine so you definitely somehow used over 350 thousand gallons of water last month. The city guy said so.

Michael Spurgeon, the city’s director of administration, said Mayor Sally Faith would review Kelly’s claim that the bill is inaccurate and render a decision afterward.

“Does it seem like an exorbitant amount of water? Absolutely,” Spurgeon said. “We will review the appeal when Mrs. Kelly makes it. I know the questions that need to be asked. We have to look at the whole picture, and I can see some relief being made here. It’s a stressful situation and she said she didn’t use the water.”

That’s a great reply. It’s nice, but nice with your head cocked to one side, squinty eyes, and a little smirk on your face. Kinda like “Oh no! …we totally believe you didn’t actually burn through 350 thousand gallons of water. Can’t wait to come over and use your new bitchin’ 7 story-tall water slide we’re pretty sure you must have put up.”

Also worth mentioning is despite the fact that the Post Dispatch is writing this to draw attention to the old lady’s plight, they had her take, and then posted, a photo of her using water for the story. Fantastic idea. Seriously awesome. We didn’t see the print edition, but we’re betting there’s a shot of her sprinting towards a Slip ‘n Slide just for good measure.

Spurgeon said he saw customers get hit with large water bills when he previously worked for a utility company, and what makes Kelly’s bill so large is that it’s a combination for water and sewer usage. Zimmerman’s letter to Kelly states her water usage for those 77 days amounted to a cost of $875 and that her sewer fees for that same period totaled $1,154.61.

Maybe she did do it though and doesn’t realize it. She’s old, that could happen. Hell, maybe she just poops a lot. We’re pretty sure hot chicks don’t ever poop, but old ladies who we don’t find attractive poop because at that point, you might as well. In fact, we actually heard that Elizabeth Hurley just recently started pooping. Try switching to the low-flow toilets Kelly!

via STLToday

A St. Charles man has been arrested after he exposed himself to the patrons at Wapelhorst Park pool Tuesday.

The St. Charles County man, 53, pulled down his swimsuit, exposing his buttocks and genitals about 1 p.m. at the park’s public pool in the 1900 block of Muegge Road, police said. Several other customers, including children and seniors, were using the pool at the time.

We’ll give him credit for being confident enough to stare a public shrinkage viewing the face and still decide to go through with a plan, but maybe there’s a better way to go about drying off your winkie dink.

St. Charles Lt. Mike Akers said Wapelhorst Park staff ordered the man to leave the pool a few weeks ago for similar conduct, but he was not arrested then.

We’re giving out warnings for first-time dick flashers now? Really…that’s where public pools have sunk to? I guy hops out of the water, pulls his worm out and the staff says “Get outta here you rascal!” Was no thought given to the idea of calling the cops the first time? (“Should we call the cops?” “Nah, he’s cool. He definitely won’t do that again! I used to let him rummage through and sniff the bathing suits some of the kids left behind, but I said one more time and he looses that privilege.”) Who made that call, the 14 year-old head lifeguard? Man, they sure do run a tight ship over at the Wapelhorst Park pool. You can tell by their “Pool Rules” sign:

1. No running

2. No rafts or tubes are allowed in the pool

3. No roughhousing

4. No exposing yourself to everyone twice in a 30 day period.

5. No outside food or drink.

via STLToday

What the hell St. Charles?! You guys all think it’s funny to sit in your comfy, non-rubble homes watching tornado movies? Too soon man. Too soon.

Our eagle eyed tipster, one Aaron Burrows, nabbed this screenshot as proof. He was horrified by his fellow townsfolk, so he gets a pass. We will give St. Charles a point for enjoying Baseketball though, which was a fine flick that had St. Louis’ native son Bob Costas utter the line “You’re excited? Feel these nipples!” …but you also enjoy Maverick and that movie sucked. Also, Mystery Science Theater 3000 has it’s moments. Ok, so to review… +1 for Baseketball, +1 for Mystery Science Theatre, -1 for Maverick and then – 1,000 for the tornado National Geographic movie.

You bastards are the kind of people that went home and rented Airplane and the Towering Inferno after 9/11! We think protocol states we’re now supposed to angrily turn to the right and spit…look out “casually eating my lunch to next to a dude on a laptop” guy!