Its all over the blogs.  That fake weed K2 has been banned in St. Charles apparently because for a second there, a child enjoyed himself in St. Charles and that crap just can’t keep happening.

Besides the fact that the poor emo kids that are too pussy to buy real weed are now really sad and won’t stop watching their Twilight DVD, something else amazing happened! Channel 4, KMOV, learned a little bit about how America works.  Good for them.

“K2 ban means less business for St. Charles store owner“

Tabbat’s store [the South 94 Bait and Tackle Trading shop] sells fishing tackle and smoking supplies, but business was slow until K2 came along. The owner admits there were days when her sales reached $7,000.

Now Tabbat’s customers are going to St. Louis County to buy K2, which means she will have to make job cuts. “The sad thing is I had hired three people, said Tabbat. “Now, I am going to have to lay them off.”

Oh. So making something illegal makes things tough on people trying to sell it legally huh?  I had no idea. That is so strange. How did all those bars make do during the prohibition?

….

According to Wikipedia, not well.

Guess what?!  Another study came out saying that living in St. Louis city proper is a death wish!

Residents of St. Charles County have the best opportunities in Missouri to be healthy, while people who live in St. Louis city have the worst, according to a new report.

To compile the report, researchers looked at data from the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the Environmental Protection Agency, the FBI, the U.S. Census Bureau and other sources.

So St. Charles is the healthiest place in Missouri huh?  Factor in the fact that its boring as hell there and then tell me where the place to live is. You want to live forever in Pleasantville, or do you want to live fast and hard and leave a somewhat attractive corpse after dodging omnipresent random gun fire, street fights and enough venereal disease to take down Ron Jeremy?!

That’s what I thought…bitch.  High five!

Now lets go get tats.  …dibs on a bunny!

via STLToday

Dude!  Oh man, what’s up?!

Don’t you recognize me?!  It’s St. Charles man!  Your boy St. Chuck!  …look, I’ve got a problem man.  Could I get a few bucks from  you?

No no no no!  Its not like that.  Its just…man…times are tough dude and I…I just need a little cash right now to get me through.

Ok ok.  Its not charity man!  I’m selling some stuff!   …um look, here’s a list.  See anything there you like?

I’ve got a Palm!  …kinda like an iPhone.  You need eight cardboard magazine holders?  No?  How about some well worn, 50 foot microphone cables?  Oh wait!  A Zip Drive!  You wanna a Zip Drive?  Its the eight track of the computer world dude!  You need to store something more than a floppy disk but don’t want to care around a cumbersome thumb drive with 22x the storage?  Zip drive that crap dude!

…lets see…what else do I have…

A doorbell that I’m not sure works?  Hmmm?  Office chair, with arms?  You love arms!

…ok fine, then how about you give me five bucks and I won’t stab  you?

[Editor's Note: Everything listed in bold is the exact description from the list of crap they are "auctioning" off Sunday.]

Via our tipsters and STLToday.

Wait wait wait wait.  You are telling me that in this totally awesome housing market, the maker of St. Charles County’s most famous compound, with all those shiny new houses, isn’t doing well?

Totally.  Shocking.

Did you pick up on the sarcasm?  We were laying it down pretty thick.

Oh but apparently there is spin good news.  Don’t get me wrong, they are still totally going bankrupt, but apparently its the good kind or something:

In a statement on the company’s website, Whittaker says that despite “a nationwide decline in the housing market, an unyieldingly tight credit market and the overall uncertainty in the economy attributed to the global financial crisis” it wrote 98 contracts in the second and third quarters of 2009.

Hey look everyone!  We are the world’s tallest midget!

via STLToday.com

Dan McLaughlin (right) is quite the St. Charles County Ambulance Board Member.

For one, he shares the name of the Cardinals TV broadcaster.

For two, he looks like Jack Nicholson’s love child with Eddie Munster.

For three, this one time he got drunk and drove around in his car.

For four, this other time he got drunk and drove around in his car.

For five, this other other time, he got drunk and drove around in his car.

Oh yeah, thats three DUIs!   Guess who thinks thats not cool for an elected official?  His opponents!

Veteran board member Michael Garman said Wednesday he will call for McLaughlin’s resignation because of a guilty plea for impaired driving in Michigan in 1998.

Last week Garman said that McLaughlin’s guilty plea in 2002 for drunken driving and a pending DWI case from 2007 were an embarrassment to an agency that regularly preaches sober driving and deals with the aftermath of those who don’t heed the message.

“The third charge within a 10-year period — that’s just not setting the right example,” Garman said Wednesday.

Of course the reply for the McLaughlin camp is the standard “Well, he was elected by the people so suck it.  …Shots!  Lets do shots!” response you would imagine, but we at Punching Kitty do have one little rebuttal:

Dude, no one actually goes to the polls for the big St. Charles County Ambulance Board Member election.  You got on the board because in one of your drunken stupors  you filled out the paperwork, and the people of St. Charles County have no freaking clue who the hell you are.

Its ok, we all do dumb stuff when drunk.  You however, just happen to do a lot more than most, like driving, and getting that short buzz cut with those ears.

[Story and photo from STLToday.com]