Governor Jay Nixon asked President Obama if he can officially call an emergency for all 114 Missouri counties so we can all get some federal money.

Nixon’s office says the governor submitted the request to President Barack Obama on Wednesday as Missouri began digging out from the blizzard and severe winter storm.

Nixon says the record or near-record snowfall that hit much of Missouri has burdened local jurisdictions and the state with “tremendous” costs.

Wait. All 114 counties? It really wasn’t that bad in the city. Seriously. People went to work. If you can get to work and the Bread Company down the street is open, we don’t think that qualifies as a state of emergency. We think the city handled this all pretty well actually. The main streets were serviceably cleaned and we just loved the little touches they took the time to do, like putting up those frozen homeless guy outdoor coat racks around the city. We did see a few people trying to rob a snowman, but to be fair he was asking for it dressed up like that. Wearing a top hat north of Delmar? Come on! Gotta be smarter than that.

via KSDK

You didn’t go to work today did you? Did you “work at home”? Yeah, sure you did. Here are some things you would have seen if you had left your house.

Only a few loaves of bread left at the O’Fallon, MO Shop-n-Save. Probably wheat bread. (via KMOV)

Blueberry Hill had a sign out to tell all the zero people in the Loop that they are in fact open. Great move. Totally worth telling people you were open today. Nothing inspires your waitstaff more than making them come in and work when they all know they won’t see a single customer or tip all day. (via STLToday)

The Cardinals unveiled their plan to one day thaw out the Bob Gibson clone they made in the 60s in slot in to the rotation this spring. Sure he looks like an iced over statue, but Tony would still rather start him than a rookie and he rated as just barely more athletic than Kyle Lohse was last year. Should be a great fit. (via Twitter)

It’s about the time of year when everyone in St. Louis pretends we are actually in New Mexico and begins to freak out about any nominal snow fall. “Oh no! Snow is coming! Who would have predicted 3 inches of snow in January?!” It’s even worse after the whole New Year’s Eve deal, which turned the St. Louis area population in to a bunch of cave people (ok, some of them were pretty close already) scared of anything with the word “storm” in it as though the weather gods are out to get us.

Now which on of our local news stations would want to capitalize on this “severe weather”? If you answered “All of them.” fair point, but we both know who the king of this game is: KSDK. They had the “Severe Weather” banner hanging all night. Even dropped the weather radar right there on the home page.

As we stared in to that map last night thinking about whether or not to write about the next in the annual series of winter weather storms, we started to see things in that weather radar map….like a bird. See it?

There it is! Ok, this is fun. What else can we see? …mmmm a guy on a horse!

We didn’t say he was a pretty man, but you see it right? What else…what else…

Oh my god. Totally! How did we not see this one first!

Reginald VelJohnson, the dad on Family Matters (and cop from Die Hard)!

Weather is awesome! Never mind how we usually complain that something like weather that can be easily explained to the viewer with a simple graphic and doesn’t need a 10 minute explanation about cold fronts or El Ninos. Waste all the time you want when talking about the great Reginald VelJohnson snow storm of 2011.

Try to watch a Conan repeat on KSDK on a cold snowy night in St. Louis and see if you can tell if any schools are closing tomorrow.  Here’s a photo from last night:

Where are they…hmmm….ah found them!  Bottom of the screen with the snowflakes.  (Nice touch)

There are seriously loads of problems with this, so lets toss out some easy ones like oh the fact that internet might be a way better place for this kinda crap, and start with a simple one: Are you freakin’ serious with the size of this thing?!  And then on top of that, you are only showing 2 schools!  Jesus, you would think you could squeeze in a few more schools.  Another thing: you really don’t have to say “closed” on each one.  We know.  That’s why there are on the list.  It’s a “School Closings List”. Yeah, yeah, there are a few schools that just start later, but couldn’t those just go on at the end of the list or with an asterisk or something?  5 schools really shouldn’t mean the whole list needs “Closed” next to everything.

Its frustrating to watch local news continue to struggle.  Its just one stupid or antiquated idea after another.  Its like watching a slow kid drown.  Its sad, and you know he’s not going to figure it out, but you don’t want to go in there.  Its cold, and these pants are new.

Lastly…have a good one North St. Francois County R-1!  In my day, we fancied an epic Nerf war and a friend’s house.

Just for St. Louis, here are the best snow/ice related accidents on YouTube!

(Warning: Techno music ahead. Turn speakers down.)

Now with Update! (See below)

Yup, even in the offseason, the Cubs suck.

Via amyalcin on Twitter

Update! We got a hold of some higher-res versions suitable for printing and/or t-shirt making: