Short version: The city is dropping some cash to put up signs all over the place that point to various places of interest like famous restaurants, neighborhoods or attractions. Some are whining about this though when they found out that the signs will only be leading the way to attractions that have paid the city for the sign placement.

There are lots of problems people can, and should, be complaining about, but this isn’t one of them. The whiney business owners need to just shut up and pay for the advertising or don’t. You don’t expect to get free billboards from the city, and you shouldn’t expect to just get on the signs because you think your restaurant is special.

Fritz Clifford Jr. is president of the board at the Campbell House Museum, a preserved mansion from the Gilded Age and another historic downtown landmark. The museum makes less than $200,000 annually, but it would have had to pay more than $27,000 to get listed on the signs.

“The program really seemed geared towards the large organizations,” Clifford said. “You’d really need to have revenue of a million dollars or more to justify this.”

Ok kids. Time for basic economics! The total estimated cost of the signs is said to be $1.7 million dollars. St. Louis doesn’t really have that money to burn since it’s already cutting a police force budget that desperately needs to be raised and paying for city fire fighters to retire just after puberty. So where is the money from the signs going to come from? The same place any advertisement money comes from: the business that wants the advertisement! What?! Why won’t the city give you something for free?! That’s so unfair! We should have free signs so everyone can know where stuff is…oh wait, my car just got stolen. Nevermind. Screw the Campbell House Museum.

In fact, you should know that the commission in charge of the signs, the St. Louis Convention and Visitors Commission, tried to get the tax payers to foot the bill, but were wisely shot down in there attempt. Finally something we can agree with the city on! …but not quite, because we say they don’t do enough of stuff like this. Go balls out St. Louis City! I see some room on the back of those police uniforms for some NASCAR-like advertiser patches. What about that free zoo everyone loves so much? It would start paying for itself if you let Schuncks start to sponsor the elephant cages. “Oh honey, that giant elephant penis reminds me, we should pick up some tube steak for dinner this week.”

Expect to start seeing the signs popping up around town by June of this year.

via STLToday

You know those signs states put up on their borders that you normally don’t pay attention to until the end of a really long road trip? (“Yea! Kentucky!”) Hold on to your butt because Missouri is revealing their all-new welcome signs! …and here they are!

There it is! All $110,000 dollars worth. At this point we aren’t sure if making it part of it look like a Billy Joel cover was extra.

Most of the new signs are made from recycled aluminum and will be installed on existing posts to minimize costs.

Oh thank god. We’d hate it if they would be over-spending.

Made with colored reflective sheeting, the signs will keep their appearance and nighttime reflectivity longer than the former signs, which were silk screen printed.

Is this really a priority? Like we said above, who cares about these signs? The only people that see them more than once a year probably won’t even notice when their driving to work over the bridge.

The only use we can see for a sign like this would be to use them as a beacon of saftey to people stranded in East St. Louis desperately trying to get out after their family and friends have been pulled away in to the darkness by hookers and crack-heads like in some urban horror flick. These signs wouldn’t work though, we would need more of a “Almost there. If you can not get shot in the time before you get to this sign, you’re slightly safer than you were before. Enjoy some Imo’s. If you left your car in Illinois, its gone. Leave it.”

…and then on the back of the sign it would say “Just kidding. You’re probably going to get shot or get a verinal disease over in Missouri too. Try some Ted Drewes before you die.”

via St. Louis Business Journal

Signs!  That’s the ticket…the fix to all our troubles! More signs!

That’s pretty much the reaction of the city when finally pushed to do something about the amazing traffic jams that surround Forest Park every time its nice and above 60 degrees.

After last week’s park congestion, Forest Park, the Missouri Department of Transportation, St. Louis City Streets Department, St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department and the park institutions met to work out a plan to improve traffic flow in Forest Park.

New signage plans are being discussed both on the highway and within Forest Park. These plans are unfunded at this time. The electronic message boards and temporary signs will be used to guide park visitors for now.

If the signs that tell people where to enter and park don’t help, the city plans on changing the signs to simply say “Go Away”.  If that doesn’t get the job done, Park Officials will release 12 homeless black men in to the park near certain attractions to ask for money and scare away all the West County families.

via Globe Democrat

If you happen to drive around St. Louis at all today, you no doubt saw tons of people that either don’t have important jobs or jobs at all, manning the street corners with signs like “Honk for Health Care”, “Christians for Health Care”, “Honk so I don’t feel so alone.” or “I think this is doing something.”  [Editor's Note: The last 2 might have been made up. We can't remember all the different signs we saw today.]

You may have been confused.  ”Wait did Obama change things so that honks count for congressional votes in my district?  Genius!  Think of the speed the government will move at.  …hmmm, wait, how will they tell the vote is for the left or the right side…eh, I guess they can just see if I have 17 ribbon magnets and Calvin peeing on a Muslim on the back window of my car as I drive by.”

No, good guess, that but thats not exactly right.  These people were just out there trying to stir up congress to get their act together and vote on what to do with health care…but, you know, vote the way they want.  Not that other way.  Ewww.

Also, the trick is to make your sign vague enough that you want to honk for it no matter which way to lean.  ”Honk for Health Care?  No thanks, I hate health care.  I’ll just die from every paper cut I get like during the Civil War…also I hear leaches are good.”  We hear the 2nd place slogan was “Honk If You Hate Baby Rape!”

The events are part of a national effort today by Democratic Party leaders and allies who put pressure on Congress as Democrats try to work out differences in several health care bills.

This is so dumb.  The answer here is right in front of their face!  If your goal is to get people to be on board with a public health care option, don’t do some stupid honking poll, just go around beating the hell out of people.  See if they want some government paid health care then!  …and if it makes you feel better, beat their head in to their steering wheel to get a honk out of it too.

Photo credit: Laurie Skrivan/P-D

Recently there have been some pretty messed up violent crimes going down in the trendy Lafayette Square neighborhood of St.Louis City, so about 20 people took to the streets for a rally against the violence.

Its all very sad and I hope what they did helps, but this lady above, picture on STLToday.com with the story is a horrible sign maker.

It starts off great with the big “Are you part of the problem?”,  but the sign takes a quick nose dive with the suddenly small, un-level and sometimes oddly faint writing below.  Take some time, think about your message first and then shorten it to 1-2 lines and for christ sake, use a ruler or something to keep the lines straight.

Maybe an example will help.  This is a good sign:

In fact, maybe just hire this guy and solve two problems at once.

Photo and Story via STLToday.com