Leon Pullen, a 32 year old Uplands Park police officer invented something amazing! ”I’m a cop right? Well maybe I can tell people to give me stuff in exchange for not arresting them! How has no one thought about this before?!”

Officer Pullen isn’t all that bright.

[Pullen] scoured online advertisements posted by the escorts, then pretended to be a customer, according to court documents and testimony at his plea hearing in federal court here. Three attacks occurred in the northwest St. Louis County village of under 500 people, one at a St. Louis hotel.

Once with the escorts, Pullen would identify himself as an officer, then demand money, sex or both by threatening arrest or the implicit threat of violence, Assistant U.S. Attorney Howard Marcus said in court.

Pullen has also “copped” to robbing and raping women three other times and also admitted that he thought he was in the clear because no one is going to believe hookers.

…ok, maybe he’s not totally stupid.

Only three other assaults seems low though since when Pullen was arrested he had 11 other online hooker ads printed out with him.

Our bet? We wouldn’t touch his night stick with out a good swabbing first, and this guy’s forced himself inside more times than Santa Claus.

*Balloons fall from the ceiling!*

“Congratulations to Punching Kitty for making the first rape joke with a Santa Claus reference!”

Wow. I don’t know what to say. We’re honored! We’d like to thank society for making us this way, and of course thanks to all Officer Pullen for making this all happen. Seriously, this is such a great honor.  We’re glad we could win a award about rape without actually having to buy all that duct tape.

via That Non-Attributing Site That I Shouldn’t Be Linking to But We’re Better Than That

A family (not pictured) stumbled across a tied up and nearly dead woman laying a creek bed in Forest Park last week. Though if you ask the Post Dispatch, its clear they think the father was the star of the show here, and even mentioned about 100 times that he is a Boy Scout Master. Who cares? Freaking girl nearly died, why do I care why the people who found her were in the park for? People go to Forest Park all the time, I don’t need each of their life stories.

A Boy Scout leader, his wife and two daughters happened upon a frightening scene this morning in Forest Park: A woman tied up and left for dead in a creek.

At about 7:20 a.m. today, the Scout leader and his family found the woman near Union and Summit drives in Forest Park. She was about 30 feet off of Union Drive in a creek, surrounded by weeds about two feet high, said Joe Mueller, a spokesman for the local Boy Scouts.

A spokesman for the local Boy Scouts? A woman is found nearly dead, bound in a creek bed and our local media calls Boy Scouts PR for a quote? Do we not have cops any more? Did the cops show up and some giant guy in sun glasses and a Boy Scout uniform show up and say, “Excuse me officer, but this is a Boy Scout matter.”?!

The Scout leader and his family were in the park this morning to help promote ScoutQuest 100 in the central fields at a climbing wall. They were helping to demonstrate the climbing wall for a local news program.

Ok so there is a Boy Scout thing going on…to us that seems like a second story, you know, because a woman was raped and left for dead.

ScoutQuest 100 is the 100th anniversary celebration of the Boy Scouts. The celebration in Forest Park will be today, Saturday and Sunday. Thousands of scouts and their families are expected to attend. The event will feature activities from rock-wall climbing to canoeing.

What the hell is this story about exactly? The Boy Scouts now?! What the hell is going on?

Mueller said he has no doubt the park will be safe for the scouts.

Oh well thank god! We now have assurances from the Public Relations guy for the local Boy Scouts that the park is safe. Did this guy get a merit badge in criminal investigations? …did he get another in “Public Safety in Forest Park for June 2010″? How does this make any sense? Has rape and murder become so every day in St. Louis that our local media feels they need to jazz up the violent crime stories so people will read them…maybe do a little “Man on the Street” see what the average guy thinks of public safety in the light of a heinous crime like this? Pretty much what’s going on here.

Police?! Hello?? Can get an update on the actual crime and not a story on an unrelated but adjacent event?

Sex-crimes detectives are trying to find out if the woman knew her attacker and where the attack took place.

Oh well there you go. God I feel better.

Just a thought for whatever police department or youth organization that is handling this, but if you raped and left a girl for dead, “finding” her with your kids and wife as you were checking out the park for your Boy Scout thing would pretty much be the perfect alibi…except when you find her still alive. “What do we have here?…Oh my god! Honey call the…wait. Shit. Let’s come back in an hour.”

via STLToday

I have no idea where Lexington, Missouri is and frankly I don’t want to know because a family was recently arrested there and…well…tell ‘em block quote:

Burrell Jr. of Independence, his three brothers, his father and an uncle have all been arrested. Their alleged victims have made allegations of years of rape and incest,

Dude.

[...] including mock weddings

Awww, dude.

[...] and claims that children were forced to kill a 300-pound man who had been kidnapped

Dude!

[...] and that a sex slave was confined in a crawl space.

Eh…can’t fault them there. I’m not sure where else you would put a sex slave.

Holy sh*t. That has got to be the most F-ed up family ever.  Look, lets not be naive, “rape and incest” happen enough in families, its not news…mock weddings though?  That’s like the rape version of twisting the knife.  Not only am I going to rape you, but we have to pretend like we are getting married first so you have to think about how I’m going to rape you while we do this imaginary wedding and then, I would assume, an imaginary reception.

I bet that father-daughter dance was awkward as hell!

via Globe Democrat

Found older KMOV clip on YouTube last night.  It a clip of one of those “throw away” stories that all local TV news stations do about stupid things like a squirrel that can water ski or whatever.  This time it was about a monkey in Japan that roamed free and eventually took a cat hostage.

Take a peak (its all over at the 1:00 mark, the rest is just bad editing):

If you missed it, here’s a freeze frame of the kitten rape:

The female anchor there (don’t recognize her, anyone got her name?) apparently doesn’t think getting humped by a monkey 10 times your size in the bushes is definition of “harm” but we, and we’re guessing, the cat, would staunchly disagree!  We’re betting that anchor is fun at parties though.

My second favorite part is Larry Conors, explaining it by saying the monkey “had never seen a cat before, and just wanted to know what it was.”  Well Larry, we’ve never met, but if we do, I’d prefer and hand shake.

This sexy fella on the right is Officer Leon Pullen and he is accused of robbing 10 prostitutes and sexually assaulting at least three of them.

Using “online advertising” [Editor's Note: *cough* Craigslist! *cough*] Pullen lured his victims to North County city of Uplands Park where he worked as an officer.  According to one of the victims, after meeting up with a prostitute responding to his ad, Pullen took her money and performed oral sex on her against her will in the police station, court documents allege.

The FBI decided to nab Pullen because of, and no, I’m not making this up, “fear he was about to strike again.”

As opposed to all the other reasons rapists are arrested?!  Yeah, they were going to let him do his thing because the local FBI wanted to catch the big game on Saturday night, but then someone said “What if he rapes another hooker tonight?”  Well, crap.  Great questions Johnson, now we all have to go arrest him right now!  …pffft.  New guys!

Pullen’s attorney has already submitted evidence that the accused was certifiably insane and has already suffered enough by forcing his face in to the snizz of a prostitute, to which the judge was like “Eww!  Yeah, totally!”

…I was just joking on that last part, but wouldn’t that have been awesome?

via STLToday

This post has an update, see below!

Ryan Huff, a Production Director and Producer for all sports-talk station KFNS (590 AM) was arrested in Arnold and charges were filed that included raping underage girls.

Apparently Huff met the girls on “an internet chatroom,” which could mean anything since I’m guessing the reporter on the KMOV video I watched doesn’t know the difference between this very site and and actual “internet chatroom.”  After the meeting online, the two went to the movies, on a “date,” and then back to a house where they were joined by another 13 year old girl.  Shortly after her arrival they started partaking in sexual activity.  Huff’s alleged Playskool Orgy was noticed only after photos were taken and the girls where showing them around school!

Unfortunately for Huff, current Missouri state and federal laws don’t allow you to add the ages of your simultaneous sexual partners together to try to get a number above 18.

Check out the video (Because who the hell would ever want to link to an actual written piece?!) on KMOV’s website…oh and don’t fuck with Larry Conors.

Update (7/8/2009): Based on reader inquiries and lack of other coverage, we have an update to this story.  Check out that post here.