Jermaine Johnson is really bad at relationships and we have no idea if eharmony scores go in to the negative ranges (or even if they have scores) but if anyone could do it, it’s Jermaine.

Jermaine was charged today on four new counts of felony, but we’ll get to that in a second. First here’s what he’s already done. The short version is: He broke in to his girlfriend’s house, poured lighter fluid on her and threatened to light a match while he raped her.

Johnson poured barbecue starter fluid on the woman, 38, and threatened her with a fireplace lighter throughout the attack, which lasted for several hours, according to court documents.

She told police Johnson choked her, raped her and broke the screens on her computer monitor and flat screen television during the attack. He also physically restrained her and threatened her, preventing her from leaving, according to court documents.

So what about those four new felony counts from today? Well the thing is, it might be worse than the “raping a chick while threatening to light her on fire”. Not possible you say? Well…

Jermaine Johnson, 26, of the 400 block of Meacham, was charged Monday in St. Louis Circuit Court on four counts of the felony. According to charges, Johnson never told a woman that he was intimate with between January 2009 to December 2011 that he was HIV positive, even though state health records show that he knew as early as 2006.

You are one huge piece of shit Jermaine.

All told Jermaine has netted himself countless felony charges, but maybe his biggest crime was simply loving too much. …the story didn’t say what exactly he loved too much though…oh wait, here it is: rape.

Anyway, long story short, Jermaine is currently single! If you’re one of those ladies that wants to change her troubled man this is pretty much the Everest of that kind of thing, and since he’s currently at large, (Oh did we forget to mention that this AIDS-carrying rapist is running free?) you’ve still got a chance. He probably just needs to be loved…really loved. We’d avoid romantic dinners by the fire though…or any and all sexual contact.

[Editor's Note: Jermaine Jackson pictured above because that's the only other Jermaine we are aware of.]

via STLToday

A 19-year-old man has been charged with raping and giving both gonorrhea and chlamydia to a 4-year-old. He also gave her a My Little Pony for Christmas but is anyone saying anything about that?! No! Of course not. Always focusing on the negative. You people make me sick!

No, but seriously, the rape thing is probably the bigger story here.

James M. Davis, of East St. Louis, is charged with statutory rape in the first degree. The abuse allegedly occurred between October 31st, 2009 and January 14th, 2010 in an apartment in St. Louis County.

We realize it’s pointless to ask, but why the hell would you rape a 4-year-old? Seems like a lot of trouble, and you’re going to get caught. People have a rough time taking a 4-year-old to WalMart, let alone trying to give one an STD or two.

In the future, Jimmy, we’d reccomend a Flesh Lite other such device rather than 4-year-olds. This is, of course, assuming you don’t get your dick ripped off in prison by a large man named Deke.

via KMOV

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.

It took St. Louis police 3 and a half hours to peaceably coax suspected rapist and comic book shop owner, Kenneth McClure, to put down his weapon and come out of his south Hampton store, Legends Comics & Sports Cards.

Police said McClure was armed when the officers arrived and refused to leave the building. They said he was the only person involved.

“Several officers were inside the location but had not yet taken the suspect into custody, when the suspect drew a weapon,” a police statement said. “The officers were able to take cover and radio for backup.”

The Special Weapons and Tactics Team and a negotiator were called, police said. About 6:35 p.m, the officers inside left safely.

McClure, who you might know from other rapings such as “No Money For that Comic? There Are Other Forms of Payment!” and “We Keep All Our Girl Comics in the Back”, has been accused of the first-degree rape of a thirteen year old girl…and now probably also something about pulling a weapon on police.

Dueling Simpsons references aside, this guy is disgusting on multiple levels if the accusations are true, but either way he’s screwed now since guys that standoff with the cops generally don’t get probation, they go to prison. How do you think comic book guys do in federal “pound you in the ass” prison?  Not well. Maybe his lawyer Lionel Hutz can get him off on a technicality, but we doubt it. The St. Louis circuit judge has had it out for Hutz every since he accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”

via STLToday and countless hours of watching the Simpsons

The horrible story of a Missouri man holding captive and tourcuring a young mentally disabled girl for years, a story we covered last Friday, took a weird turn recently when it was discovered that the July 2007 issue of Hustler Magazine’s Taboo magazine featured a cover story on the man now in deep shit with the FBI and his “slave”.

That’s right a freaking cover story! Here’s the cover (right, moved through the jump) with the victim on the bottom, (naturally) and blurred.

To review…

It started with Ed Bagley, Sr. (no not the actor) who forced the woman in to being a sex slave while advertising online for tortuous sex sessions. Sessions that were purchased by the other three men: Michael Stokes, a national representative for Disabled American Veterans, Dennis Henry, the Postmaster General of Nevada, Missouri, and James Noel, who’s job is apparently too lame for any report to mention.

Bagley has been charged with no less than 10 counts of various horrible things which could net him life in prison. None of this was on the radar in July of 2007 when he was the talk of Taboo magazine where he had a multi-day photo shoot after a Taboo photographer reached out to Bagley via an online forum.

What did the photog think after interacting with the “couple” during their stay in Hollywood?

“They actually seemed to be quite a lovely couple … if anything he was going out of his way to make sure she was as happy as possible. I was very shocked to see the government had any issue with them at all,” Marcus told TheWrap.

Although he said he met the couple only briefly and “may have very well been mistaken,” Marcus told TheWrap that he saw no sign the woman was forced, coerced or mentally disabled.

“I mean sure, he had a gun pressed to her back and told her he was going to kill her if she cried for help, but that’s pretty standard stuff at these photo shoots. They seemed very much in love as Ed un-sewed her vagina and clamped one of those bear trap maskes over her head before we went to lunch. I remember Ed had a ham sandwich and she had a glass of his urine.” …is what he would have said next but possibly didn’t because we made that last part up. Sounds true though right? I mean with this story how the hell can you tell.  Oooh! Lets also say they had make your own sundaes after lunch. Those are always a way to pick up your spirits during a tough day of beating the hell out of your coerced slave in front of everyone and taking photos of yourself winding rope (right)…freaking rope! …for your fetish cover story. This is when your attorney just closes his notebook, looks at you and say “Screw this. You’re on your own.”

Hustler is cooperating with the FBI and no charges are expected to be filed against the magazine publisher.

via The Wrap

(more…)

Four Missouri men have been arrested and charged for helping to run a “commercial sex trafficking” ring. Dear Penthouse Forum!

The most disturbing of their charges involves all four men sexually abusing and torturing a young retarded woman for several years…years! They reportedly also forced the woman to work as a stripper. Still no word as to how they forced guys to look at her.

“The allegations contained in this indictment are among the most horrific ever prosecuted in this district,” said Beth Phillips United States Attorney for the Western District of Missouri. “The sexual torture suffered over a period of years by the victim is highly disturbing.

It started with Ed Bagley, Sr. (no not the actor) forced the woman in to being a sex slave while advertsing online for tortuous sex sessions. Sessions that were purchased by the other three men: Michael Stokes, a national representative for Disabled American Veterans, Dennis Henry, the Postmaster General of Nevada, Missouri, and James Noel, who’s job is apparently too lame for any report to mention.

The federal investigation began after Bagley allegedly suffocated and electrocuted FV during a torture session to a state of cardiac arrest on Feb. 27, 2009. FV, who was 23 years old at that time, received emergency medical treatment and was hospitalized.

How the hell did the investigation start when people saw the Craigslist ad entitled “Come rape my retarded sex slave!!! LOL” Feels like that should have sparked a little something. No?

Seriously this Edward Bagley Sr. guy is one sick fuck. Rape, fake “sex slave” contracts, killed her pets, took meat, clothing and video games as trade for abuse time and even had the poor girl permanently branded as his “slave”:

Bagley had FV tattooed to mark her as his property including a bar code on her neck, a tribal tattoo on her back with the letter “S” to mark her as a slave, and the Chinese symbol for slave on her ankle.

A Chinese symbol tattoo?! Can we convict him for that too? Those never turn out how you want, usually because they really mean “banana” or “chicken” when you think they mean something badass like “strength” or “I work out a lot because I’m hung like a button”

The good news is that these guys are going away for a long time with all this evidence, the bad news is we can not find our cable box remote and we’ve been looking everywhere! Freaking TV’s been on the Travel Channel for weeks now. There is a point where Man vs Food stops being funny. It was Tuesday.

We know, a story about decade-long sexual assault is pretty heavy for a Friday. Here is your horrible news video chaser!

via KMOV

Leon Pullen, a 32 year old Uplands Park police officer invented something amazing! ”I’m a cop right? Well maybe I can tell people to give me stuff in exchange for not arresting them! How has no one thought about this before?!”

Officer Pullen isn’t all that bright.

[Pullen] scoured online advertisements posted by the escorts, then pretended to be a customer, according to court documents and testimony at his plea hearing in federal court here. Three attacks occurred in the northwest St. Louis County village of under 500 people, one at a St. Louis hotel.

Once with the escorts, Pullen would identify himself as an officer, then demand money, sex or both by threatening arrest or the implicit threat of violence, Assistant U.S. Attorney Howard Marcus said in court.

Pullen has also “copped” to robbing and raping women three other times and also admitted that he thought he was in the clear because no one is going to believe hookers.

…ok, maybe he’s not totally stupid.

Only three other assaults seems low though since when Pullen was arrested he had 11 other online hooker ads printed out with him.

Our bet? We wouldn’t touch his night stick with out a good swabbing first, and this guy’s forced himself inside more times than Santa Claus.

*Balloons fall from the ceiling!*

“Congratulations to Punching Kitty for making the first rape joke with a Santa Claus reference!”

Wow. I don’t know what to say. We’re honored! We’d like to thank society for making us this way, and of course thanks to all Officer Pullen for making this all happen. Seriously, this is such a great honor.  We’re glad we could win a award about rape without actually having to buy all that duct tape.

via That Non-Attributing Site That I Shouldn’t Be Linking to But We’re Better Than That