No Pujols in This Year’s Home Run Derby

St. Louis’ most like latino guy won’t be dropping any long balls in to the stands at this year’s Major League Baseball Home Run Derby in Anaheim, CA.  Like Jim Edmonds before him, he felt that after participating before his power numbers declined in the second half of the season and he doesn’t want to do that again.

…probably something about the All-Star Game being in St. Louis last year had a little something to do with it as well.

“I don’t have any problem doing it, but I want to concentrate on the second half,” Pujols said. “I enjoyed every moment that I did it.  I don’t regret it, and that doesn’t mean I would never do it again. I wouldn’t mind doing it again. I just feel that right now, this is not the time.

1st half of 2009: 32 HRs and 87 RBIs

2nd half of 2009: 15 HRs and 48 RBIs

Though we have a hard time believing that his second half drop was all about the Home Run Derby (for instance: injury, or the fact he had a huge first-half), we see his point.

So who can we look forward too? Joe Mauer, A-Rod, Josh Hamilton? Who knows…but we have heard that Tony LaRussa has been making a case for Aaron Miles.

We’re kidding.

Hopefully…I mean who knows at this point.

via Fox Sports Midwest

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Pujols’ Agent Quits Firm

Pujols’ agent, Dan Lozano, pulled a Jerry McGuire Tuesday, leaving his prominent sports agency and taking with him his list of big time clients.

“Danny Lozano has left Beverly Hills Sports Council, and we wish him well in his future endeavors,” said agent Jeff Borris.

Lozano’s departure is likely to have major ramifications within the industry. Pujols, an eight-time All-Star and three-time Most Valuable Player with the St. Louis Cardinals, is closing in on free agency, and is expected to sign an enormous contract in the aftermath of big recent deals for Minnesota catcher Joe Mauer, Philadelphia first baseman Ryan Howard and others.

Pujols is making $16 million this year in the final year of a guaranteed seven-year, $100 million contract. The Cardinals have a $16 million club option on him for 2011.

Sounds like a good move to us. Why share any more of the agent cut of a contract nearing $300 Million?  …This could mean Lozano will be pushing Pujols to go big with no discounts for the home team.

Lozano’s other big name clients include Jimmy Rollins and the Ranger’s Michael Young, though its not known if they have expressed interests in staying with the now solo Lozano.

What is known is that sometimes I name drop the names of hot chicks that have nothing to do with St. Louis on here as an excuse for posting their picture.

Christina Aguladasdlkdsajfsdaf….whatever.

via  ESPN

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Links For Your Blue Monday

It’s May 17th! The Beautiful Kind is back in action!

Cops find dude murdered at South City car dealership. Key quote from police: “The place is kind of ransacked a little bit.  It could be just from the way they keep the business, we don’t know at this time.” Way to kick them when their down officer. — KSDK.com

The community helps a guy figure out some good date ideas for St. Louis. Community fails to mention our favorite place to go for no doubt action: Your Mom’s house. Snap! — Reddit St. Louis

People already think St. Louis is full of freaks that do things so stupid that meth is the only answer as to why. Lady in the Pujols dress…you aren’t helping. — Joe Sports Fan

Here’s a picture of a cat in a box:

The Onion Swings and Misses on Pujols Article

It’s not often we say this about the beloved online fake news hub, but “Eh.”

The Onion took a big cut and like Chris Duncan going after a curve ball, missed. Hopefully the comparison stops there, we don’t want the Onion’s dad whining about us in the Post Dispatch tomorrow.

Sources in the Cardinals organization confirmed Tuesday that, after completing private sliding lessons, Albert Pujols has been sliding feet first into equipment, open doorways, dirty laundry, teammates, dugouts, and anything else the three-time NL MVP can possibly slide into. “His technique is nearly perfect, but I can’t even warm up without him barreling across the field and sliding into the pitcher’s mound,” said Cardinals starter Brad Penny, adding that a suds-covered Pujols also slid into him several times last week during a postgame shower. “I’m worried he’ll wear himself out by sliding into the on-deck circle over and over again. And there’s no reason he should be sliding into the St. Louis Arch.” When asked to comment, Pujols slid into a group of reporters.

There it is. That’s the whole thing.

I mean it’s fine. It’s just not all that good or funny and the ending is just weak. Admittedly we are coming down harder on the Onion because of the high standards we set for them. An apt comparison would be Pujols batting .270 for a season. Hey, that’s great for most players, but for Pujols it’s not even just OK, it flat out sucks. To put it another way, it would be like if you saw Fergie in the gym and you found out “her” penis is only 6 inches long. Sure that’s fine I guess, but a big dude like Fergie…you’re just shocked that’s all.

via The Onion

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Cardinals on Pace for 162 Wins!

The 2k10 baseball season started today in Cincinnati for the St. Louis Cardinals. After beating the Reds today 11 to 6, they are on pace for an astounding 162 wins! Which should be just enough to win the central division. *fingers crossed*

Not only that but…

Albert Pujols, with his two homeruns, is on pace for about 324 home runs.

Yadier Molina is on pace for only 162, but all of them are grand slams.

Chris Carpenter is on pace for 30-something wins and actually, only 90-something strikeouts.

Sadly though, Skip Schumaker is on pace to not get a single hit all season.

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Pujols No-Shows, Kansas City All Hurt and Whiney

You know that girlfriend you had in highschool that wasn’t bad at the time but looking back she was actually kinda chubs, but it doesn’t really matter because you were kinda chubs too, but in college you slimmed down and ended up with a pretty hot new girlfriend and you would always go home and see your old girlfriend because you are her were still cool and then one day she was like “Hey can you come to this thing?” and you were like, “I’ll try but I have to do this stuff for my hot wife.” and then you didn’t show because you had other important things to do and you were just really being nice by saying you would try, but then the old girlfriend was all like “You suck.” and you were all like “Umm, why are you so pissed?” and she was like “I don’t know why I ever liked you, you are a jerk…just kidding I love you.” and then you were like “You’re crazy” and then got mad and was all “Nevermind I hate you and I with I would have never done that thing  you like with my thumbs, your right ear and that piece of salmon.” and then you’re like, “Ok, bye” and then she’s like “I’ve always loved you! Why did you leave me” and then you’re like “Um you had your chance” and then she’s like “You got me pregnant” so then you sent a dude over to abort that crap but then you realized that you last dated her 10 years ago so it would be less like abortion and more like child murder which was way more expensive so  you call it off but it turns out that she was lying and just started dating your friend so then you are like “Stop calling me”?

Well in that story you are Pujols and that old fat girlfriend is Kansas City.  …minus that abortion stuff.  I’ll be honest with you the wheels came off the analogy for a second there.

Too bad baseball’s best player didn’t come to [the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum’s Legacy Awards to] make it better. The museum gave him two awards. He accepted neither in person, and didn’t record a video thank you like several others who couldn’t show up — and like he’s done in the past.

Pujols was in Kansas City this weekend, you know. He worked a hitting clinic and signed autographs for kids at a facility in north Kansas City on Sunday.

Maybe there’s more to Pujols’ absence. He’s under no obligation to do anything but play his best for the Cardinals, of course, and it’s murky waters whenever somebody starts telling somebody else how they should spend their time.

But it’s not unreasonable to expect Pujols – with his Kansas City ties and status as the game’s best player – to at least let the museum know of his plans.

When he doesn’t, what choice does it give fans but to assume he blew them off?

That was an excerpt from Sam Mellinger’s blog on the Kansas City Star‘s website.

“Oh please Pujols please love us!  Remember how you are from here?  Good times huh?  Sorry we passed you up in the draft 13 times, but everytime we get the chance we are going to jump on you because you didn’t make one award show out of the like 400 awards you win every year.”

Chill the hell out.

Everyone wants Pujols to go to everything.  He can’t though.  It really doesn’t matter what city its in.  I invited him to my last birthday party and he didn’t show but you don’t see me crying about it.

Links: Were You Click To Get the News From Someone Else

Today’s top goings on…
  1. FourSquare officially launched in St. Louis! (We told you…just sayin.)
  2. Pujols freaked out the Cardinals with his comments on some crazy Dominican radio station.
  3. The RFT took an idea off the table for us by exploring the W00t! offices.
  4. Metro Link gives up and ask the rest of us for ideas.  Can’t get any worse I guess.
  5. Bowling allies are freaking out about the smoking bans.  They think if we take away the smoke smell, the BO smell will get lonely.
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We Have Such a Raging Link Right Now!

raging_clueSt. Louis Beacon discusses whether or not a jungle of of a South City backyard is Eden or an Eyesore. The video of the backyard is pretty awesome…we vote “Eden”!

Should the Cardinals move Pujols to third so we can put the hobbled Troy Glaus at first for the rest of the season?  Erik at Fan Graphs explores the idea.

Super Fun Patrol reviews Twilight

Wow. What a big, giant ball of suck the Twilight series is. Talk about taking everything that’s awesome about vampire stories and completely, utterly sucking that out (no puns meant here, so can it) and replacing it with teenage romance pap and dribble. This, my friends, is what happens when a Mormon woman enacts her private fantasies in print. Where would you even start in order to make such a shitpile better?

The Daily Jerome makes his own version of those retro Colt45 billboards.

This church has the most bitchin website EVER! (Psych!  It sucks…but it is funny.)

[Editor's Note: We are bringing back "psych."]

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No Matter How Many Animals You’ve Tortured, You Still Love Pujols

504x_Pujols_Tattoo_Guy1

Sure you’ve tattooed devil horns, and a skeleton hand on your shaved skull, but at least you can appreciate good hitting.

Found this on Deadspin.

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