The President spun through our little metropolis yesterday and, as usual we’re sure, had quite a busy day.
He started off by touching down at Lambert Airport at 5:35pm and was greeted by Governor Jay Nixon and Mayor Francis Slay, who both blew him until climax welcomed him to our fine city. “What the f*ck?! You still haven’t fixed this shit? Didn’t we give you money for this? Jesus.” we’re assuming the President said after leaving the airport on his way to…
…shutting down I-170 and any other road his motorcade took to get downtown. Oh you wanted to get home last night to watch the second half of the Cardinals game? Well you missed it and it’s your fault for possibly being a terrorist. We can’t just allow you to drive on a road or overpass! We need room for the full motorcade! (…actually, while we’re on the subject, why do we need to both close the roads and give the President 17 cop cars, 7 military transports, 5 limos and an ambulance? If you’re going to close all the roads anyway, you could probably get away with a single Popemobile-type car or some sort of Presidential Segway.) The President needed to hurry though because he really had to go to…
…his first fundraiser of the night where Governor Nixon used an interesting introduction technique where he started to talk, motion and do the voice inflection usually reserved for saying something funny, but instead just said regular stuff.
“We are here to talk about re-elections, but if we can sign Albert Pujols for four more years,” said Nixon, referring to the Cardinals’ star first baseman, “that would be good, too.”
Great stuff. Halfway through Obama’s remarks a person interrupted the President by abruptly asking if he would “stop the pipeline.” Not sure why he had to interrupt him to say that, as there was probably ample time afterwards, but yelling makes for a better Facebook post about it afterwards we guess. The President didn’t talk too long to the roughly 100 people that paid a cool $25k a plate though because he had to use his mouth for…
…all the Pi Pizza that the event was catered with. Yup, the Pres. still loves him the Pi and even suggested that they com to the White House for a meal sometime soon. Probably real soon, like at least before the end of next year. After that, Obama, knocked back a few Schlafly “Baracktoberfest” beers and then asked the crowed if anyone else wanted to publicly fellate him with gifts, but no one did. So he…
…closed down 170 again to drive back to the airport, settled in to Air Force One, looked out the window at Lambert mumbling to himself: “Plywood where the windows were 6 months later?! It’s like someone had an ugly dog and then a car hit it, but instead of taking the dog to the hospital or just getting a new dog, they just let the fugly little useless thing hobble around on two and a half legs and one of those cone things on it’s neck.”
via STLToday
