Every year the Post Dispatch lets the 134 old people waiting to die that still get the paper delivered to them vote in a poll to see what comic they cut out to keep things “lively”. Usually? Who cares right? However, this year we noticed a frequent target of our ire in the list: Family Circus. This is it Family Circus! You slipped up and got on the “kill” list and now we are going to make you pay.

It is no secret that Family Circus ruins any comics reading experience, be it in a doctor’s office or barber shop, you start to read the comics and it’s dumb, unfunny as is just sitting right there. You try to dodge it by reading all around it, but you know…you know…that you’re going to end up reading it. You have to! It’s so big and right there in front of you [Editor's Note: That's what she said!] and you start to think “Stupid Family Circus…I wonder how bad it is today? Really bad probably. What a piece of cra…ok, I’ll read it. … Dammit!”

Maybe you aren’t familiar with the work of Family Circus, or maybe its been a while and you’ve forgotten. “Jeez, it can’t be that bad.” you’re saying right now. Wrong! Point your lookin’ balls right here:

God dammit! That’s not even a little funny! One more:

Jesus freaking christ! What the hell?! How did this get printed in so many comics sections? No one can possibly enjoy this! No one!

Here’s our chance! Lets go a vote for Family Circus right now. You can do that here. As of this writing, its “loosing” to whatever the hell “In the Bleachers” is. Never heard of that, but it can not be as bad as Family Circus. It just can’t. Vote vote vote! Shit like this crosses political lines! Tea Party, Socialists, non-retards, any of you can and should be voting here!

“Oh please. I like Family Circus. I have a few of them cut out and hung up outside my cubicle at work! They remind me of my family. I swear my son is just like Jeffy!”

I hate you. Never come back here. Your car could explode because a shipment of dildos used by Rosie O’Donnell fell out of an airplane and landed on your car and I would show up at the scene, carefully stepping over the dildos, pull the toothpick out of my mouth while pushing up the brim of my cool detective hat with one finger and say “This death was too quick and dignified for someone this profoundly stupid.” Then a cop would say “Do you suspect foul play?” I would look in to the camera and say “The only thing that’s foul around here Frank, is the victim’s taste in comics, and these dildos.” and then CSI:Miami would start.

via STLToday

We hear the Post Dispatch is readying a price hike in its print subscription, which is both unsurprising and will be sure to annoy the Post’s subscribers who more than likely won’t understand the premium printing actual paper copies has now become.

Though we don’t know the specific figures being bounced around, the current subscription price for a full week’s paper (including the Sunday issue) is just under $18 a month.

In other news, The Globe Democrat started its controversial ”Hey baby, I’ll let you do anything for $10.” campaign today, underneath the Highway 40 overpass on Tucker.

Excuse me, but what the f*ck is this shit?

“Poopstock?!” Oh man that’s clever! In fact it’s super freaking clever because we said, or “coined” it if you will, a full 4 days before this little drawing came out. (Here, here, here, here and here…oh and here) Mention? Credit? Nope.

Guess Kings of Leon aren’t the only ones that get shit on around here.

Screw this! We’re leaving! Some of this photo got in my mouth and now we’re done.

via …screw this. No more via’s for them!

One last thing, we made a drawing in response to this lovely little “Matson cartoon”. Click though the jump to see it.

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A recent opinion piece posted in the Post Dispatch recently is making the rounds. The piece, written by UMSL professor Charles D. Schmitz is entitled “St. Louis is a world-class city” it’s a well-written rah-rah piece that someone from another town might brush off as self-aggrandizing, it makes some pretty cogent points.

The focus of the piece is one major issue: St. Louis City should swallow St. Louis County. Schmitz ran the data as if that was the case and came up with the following:

- St. Louis would suddenly fly from 53rd to the 7th biggest city in the US. Seventh!

- Including the county in all metrics and our high crime rate drops to below the national average.

- Same with our currently high dropout rate and shittastic (our word, not his) schools. Adding in the country and we peak above the national average.

In the world we live in, our failure to do this simple act will relegate us to the ash heap of history. On the other hand, merging the city and county into a “city” as defined by the U.S. Census Bureau, will increase our status, bring us unimaginable opportunities and change the perception that we are a third-rate city with a rank of 53 to our deserved lofty ranking of seven.

You can’t deny the data points here, adding the County to the city limits seems like a great idea from the city perspective…but its going to be crazy difficult to get the county to go along with this.

Let me put it to you this way. If you were an old crack head with no education and someone said “Wouldn’t it be awesome if you were banging that younger, attractive, but kinda prude chick over there?” Of course it would! No brainer. …not a great thing for that chick though. It might turn out great, but just try to convince her of that now.

You know how sometimes news people will put a question mark at the end of their headlines or, even more commonly, the TV news anchors will do the higher voice thing at the end of stuff before going to the break: “Are there too many fat people in St. Louis?!”, “People find Randy Naughton informative?!”

This headline is just like those. The answer to the “question” we posed to ourselves is: Yes. Kurt Greenbaum is moving on from his post at STLToday.com

Greenbaum, you may remember, was the guy that looked up a commenter’s IP address, used that personal information to track down and call his employer, thus getting the guy fired and then promptly bragging about it on his blog. Totally made his feel awesome, right up until the time the internet reached down its collective hand, grabbed Greenbaum, chewed him up, spit him out and then took a fat dump on him.

You forgot?! Read!

The Post Dispatch’s “Social Media Guy” Tattles on Naughty Commenter, Craps on Privacy Policy

The Internet Hate Machine Turns On Kurt Greenbaum

We Talk With the Man Behind KurtGreenbaumIsAPussy.com

Kurt Greenbaum 29th Most Search Google Term

Checking in on the Kurt Greenbaum Saga

Greenbaum Returns! STLToday’s Comments Under Hilarious Attack

Greenbaum to Giving Tips About How to Handle New Media?!

Kurt Greenbaum Thinks He Did Nothing Wrong (with video)

…we liked that subject.

After going in to hiding for a while and returning, although quietly, at the start of this year, Greenbaum is leaving the STLToday.com site he “ran” and the parent newspaper St. Louis Post Dispatch to be an editor on Patch.com (which one could also infer that Patch is coming to St. Louis).

The obvious joke here is to never comment anything even remotely edgy on Patch.com now that Greenbaum rolling in, but come on, we’re a little more original than that here.

…

Actually, in all seriousness, we would avoid commenting on Patch.com just to be safe.Image from KurtGreenbaumIsAPussy.com

According to both the Riverfront Times and the Post-Dispatch, our local dead-tree news source is moving some people around slightly in their jobs. Initial speculation is that the Post Dispatch celebrated the internal holiday of “Pretend Any of This Matters” Day…or just needed to fill a little space on page 14 between the first ad and the other four.

Most noticeable among those is the switch at City Hall where education reporter David Hunn will step in forJake Wagman who’s covered St. Louis politics for much of the past decade.

In other P-D news…

Former transportation reporter Elisa Crouch — who’s been away on maternity leave — will step in to cover city schools and other education issues for the paper. Ken Leiser, who covered transporation along with Crouch, will continue to report on the subject solo.

Well that’s what you get for taking maternity leave Elisa Crouch! …no one’s saying you shouldn’t have a baby, but if you don’t squeeze that kid out and then come back to work we’ll just pretend your job is safe until you come back and some new hot girl is at your desk and we say “Oh…hey. Ummmm…its Reassignment Day! Please move your stuff to any one of the empty desks I can’t see from my office.”

Don’t believe us? Look at Madonna’s Skeleton. She never takes maternity leave, she just steals kids from other countries because she knows if her old Skeletor-looking ass would get fired from that “Queen of Pop” title the minute we get the chance but she just never leaves her desk. Hell she didn’t even take time off when the rest of her died in 2002, her skeleton just kept showing up.

What does this have to do with the Post Dispatch? We banged your mom. That’s how. Don’t question us.