Hey guess what 2010, your not really all that advanced and progressive as Twitter would have you believe. Black guys are still getting pulled over at an alarmingly higher rate.

The first report, issued in 2001, said black motorists in Missouri were 30 percent more likely than whites to be pulled over, when considering total populations of driving-age residents by race. For 2009, the year that Koster reported upon today, blacks were 62 percent more likely than whites to be stopped.

[Emphasis added.] This seems like something we should be shocked about, but I just can’t muster the surprise. Hell the other day I leaned out of my car and fired an automatic weapon at the side of a children’s hospital and I only got pulled over later on because the cops had found all those bullets I “dropped”. My experience was in stark contrast to that of the “Ladue Black Guy” Jerry who after being pulled over every day last year when he left his house for work opted for “voluntary parole” just so he could check in every morning and save some commute time.

That last part was a joke. It wasn’t everyday, the Ladue cops don’t work on Sundays.

Hispanics are even less likely than whites to be stopped, according to that formula, although Hispanics were twice as likely as whites to be searched — a rate even higher than the rate of police searches of black motorists they stop.

So if the cops do make time in their busy pulling over black dudes with the occasional white guy for cover schedule, they might grab a hispanic guy. …but watch out, if they do get you, its gonna count. They’re gloving up for you buddy.

Turning to the section on those with Middle Eastern decent, it was just most blank page that said, “We don’t care about terrorists getting pulled over.” with a vulgar little drawing.

Seemed like an odd choice.

via STLToday

St. Louis’ finest has struck a big blow against our city’s horrible car theft problem with a new program, netting nearly 50 criminals in just one week.

The new program is called “Actually Trying”

Thieves are becoming more sophisticated and more organized when it comes to what police call ‘car clouting,’ according to authorities. To fight back, a special patrol of officers is working the central corridor of the city from downtown to the Central West End.

“It turns out that these car thieves weren’t just turning themselves in like we were originally hoping.” one officier stated, “Last week Sullivan here said, ‘Maybe we should go out there and see if we stop them before they rob the cars.’ Friggin rookies right?! Anyway though, a few of us gave it a go since Dancing With the Stars wasn’t on any more, and we actually caught 45 perps. Who would have guessed it right?!”

As good as it sounds it doesn’t seem the crackdown will last long.

“Its crazy but all the guys we got, all 45 of them, said this was their first time and they were probably going to turn themselves in later this week anyway so we were right in the long run. Plus So You Think You Can Dance has started so…you know…I don’t think it should be a problem though.”

The St. Louis police recommend a few things to keep crime down like, not leaving stuff people might want to steal plain site, driving a crappier car, and when you car gets jacked anyway don’t report it. Tattling doesn’t help anyone you little whiner.

Actual quote via KSDK

By the start of May, every single County cops will be rocking a Taser. Get ready for a whole lot of great “Don’t Tase Me Bro” videos from the Lou!

A federal grant allowed the Police Department to buy an additional 300 of the devices, which deploy electrically charged barbs that temporarily paralyze a person. In all, about 600 officers will be equipped with the $1,000 Tasers.

Holy crap dude. $1000 dollars for a Taser?!  Freaking guns are half that.

There is also a new rule that any time an officer tases anyone, they must call for an ambulance. Every time.

“If we Tase someone, the safe thing to do is always have a medical evaluation, because we don’t know what they’ve done before we Tased them,”

True, things like drug use, or…um…being Mexican while not in the back of a pickup truck can be dangerous and when you are tased in those situations it best to get checked out before they pick you up and just beat you with their fists. …which are still free.

via STLToday

We loved this little note from the Globe Democrat last night:

St. Louis Metropolitan police said officers may have stopped several suspects from stealing a vehicle at Dr. Martin Luther King Drive and Jefferson Avenue Tuesday night.

Hey, well allright! Really nice work. Of course there were apparently ”several” people stealing a single car so that had to stand out some way right. I mean if you see 5 people wailing away on a car, you think, as an officer of the law, you might say “Hey, why are you doing that?” and then apparently like in all good action movies the felons flipped out, making it obvious their intentions and possibly opened fire!

It turns out that no one was shot, so you’ve got that going too, but that sounds like just yet another accident. Do we live in a utopia where people basically arrest themselves and everyone has horrible aim making every night in St. Louis a real-life Naked Gun?

Yes, but sans OJ Simpson.

The Globe Democrat reports that a St. Louis Metro Police prisoner decided to end it all while the cops were at lunch or something recently.

The 32-year-old woman was taken into custody around 2:00 p.m. Tuesday in the 5400 block of Southwest Avenue for an outstanding bench warrants. She was taken to the south patrol area station where she was being held.

Around 3:00 p.m., the victim was found hanging in the holding cell. She had used an item of her clothing to hang herself. Police said they immediately took the woman down and contacted EMS. She was taken to a hospital where she was pronounced dead.

Ok, we’ll admit this is pretty odd.  Maybe the “south patrol area station” is also called “south patrol put broomsticks in places you won’t like station”, but if not that, we can’t think of why one would want to just up and hang yourself with your undies out of nowhere.

…wait.  Was this person really really really stupid?  Because if they were really really really stupid that could be the reason why they decided to hang themselves with their underwear.

According to police, the woman gave police the name of a relative instead of her own when arrested. However the relative whose name she used when falsely identifying herself turned out to have outstanding bench warrants.

Ok, so yeah. She was a moron. This broad decided to “fool” the cops my giving them a name of someone that had several outstanding bench warrants. Good job. The only better option would been if she would have told the cops “Look over there!” and then in the confusion she walked 5 feet to the right hoping the cops wouldn’t turn their head to the left slightly.

Someone this stupid probably wasn’t even trying to kill herself. She probably thought she was hanging her close to dry and forgot to take them off.

Starting now, if you are arrested for selling drugs out of your home in Belleville, IL you will have a sign posted out in front of your house alerting the rest of the neighborhood…or letting the 14 year old white kid down the street know that he doesn’t have to buy his pot in the highschool parking lot after all.

Belleville individuals who are arrested for selling drugs out of their home will now have signs posted near their residence to alert their neighbors, according to the Belleville Police Department.

Some Belleville residents said they were surprised by the sign policy and don’t think it will change anything. “That’s not going to stop the drug problem,” one Belleville woman said. “It’s just going to make the neighborhoods look bad.”

Another Belleville man suggested the signs would make the drug problem worse because they will point people who want to buy drugs directly to a dealer.

Sax said police discussed this possibility and don’t think it’s likely. “How many people are really going to go buy drugs at a house that they know police are watching and know it’s a drug house?” he said.

Good point.  Its just not like someone needing a drug fix to not think clearly!

Frankly this whole thing isn’t worth the money it cost to create the signs.  Let me tell you why.  For one, the signs are only supposed to be up for one day.  Seriously. One day!  What the hell is that going to do? Now that we think about it though, we’d be shocked if a sign actually made it longer than one day outside because, and I’m not sure Belleville’s finest know this, you can just knock a sign over.  Its pretty amazing. You don’t even have to use your hands…you can just kick it if you want.

Also, you know everyone is going to want to steal one of these bad boys and hang it in their basement above to their home bar they totally took like a whole weekend building and it is soooo bitchin! You would not believe the parties we have here bro!  Cra…zy.

via Globe Democrat

This sexy fella on the right is Officer Leon Pullen and he is accused of robbing 10 prostitutes and sexually assaulting at least three of them.

Using “online advertising” [Editor's Note: *cough* Craigslist! *cough*] Pullen lured his victims to North County city of Uplands Park where he worked as an officer.  According to one of the victims, after meeting up with a prostitute responding to his ad, Pullen took her money and performed oral sex on her against her will in the police station, court documents allege.

The FBI decided to nab Pullen because of, and no, I’m not making this up, “fear he was about to strike again.”

As opposed to all the other reasons rapists are arrested?!  Yeah, they were going to let him do his thing because the local FBI wanted to catch the big game on Saturday night, but then someone said “What if he rapes another hooker tonight?”  Well, crap.  Great questions Johnson, now we all have to go arrest him right now!  …pffft.  New guys!

Pullen’s attorney has already submitted evidence that the accused was certifiably insane and has already suffered enough by forcing his face in to the snizz of a prostitute, to which the judge was like “Eww!  Yeah, totally!”

…I was just joking on that last part, but wouldn’t that have been awesome?

via STLToday

In 2003 the St. Louis police department raided the homes of several potential protestors of the World Agriculture Forum held in St. Louis that year.  After six years worth of lawsuit, the hippies got the cops to settle and, like all bad little boys that do illegal searches do, write an apology letter:

The department sincerely regrets the grievances of plaintiffs arising from the department’s response to the May 2003 World Agriculture Forum including the extended detentions or damages of personal property of the plaintiffs. Infringement of civil liberties of the citizenry was not warranted by what may have transpired at protests in other cities. The department recognizes and values the importance of civil discourse

Somewhere there’s a black guy reading this going “Since when?!”

Each of the four hippies will receive $13,500.  Now what are you supposed to say when you take money from a city and department that doesn’t have any?  Oh yeah…

“Money was never the medium of exchange for our clients,” [The Plaintiff's lawyer] said. “The six-year court battle was to prove they were deprived of their constitutional rights. The letter from the police board is that proof.”

Seriously though, if the cops rolled up on my place and any of the crap they had done to them I would be pretty pissed:

Damaged property slashed bike tires and drenched clothing with urine at one raided building.

Detained a dozen circus performers for riding bicycles without a license — a rarely cited violation taken off the law books two years earlier.

Pulled activists out of a van and told them they were violating the seat belt law. The driver was taken in on drug charges for what turned out to be vitamins, her lawyer said.

Planned raids with a building inspector on at least two buildings that were housing local and visiting activists and arrested 15 people for staying there.

That is just not cool and shouldn’t happen to anyone.

…I mean unless they did something really bad like if they cut me off on the street or something.

via STLToday.com

A St. Louis area police officer pulled over a BMW for speeding the other day and when inspecting the car they found:

$54,200 bones.

Eight prepaid cell phones.

Several ID cards.

Six dozen Western Union reciepts.

17 midgets.

The driver claimed to have been working for an organization that had him buy a prepaid phone to get secret text message instructions on how and where to get cash to send out.  Sadly he won’t tell the authorities where the money or the instructions came from, but I think we both know it was some kinda of awesome sounding group like “Red Claw” or “The Anarchy League” that has a secret island lair that the paid an ass-load of money to make look like a skull.

Actually, now that I think about it, and island base for a large criminal organization is actually pretty dumb.  Couldn’t the world governments just go surround your island or hell just bomb the crap out of it?  It may seem weird to just get everyone together and go bomb the hell out of a island you don’t like, but I hear the Japanese are pretty good at that, so they could probably lead the charge.

Also, I should tell you that I made up the part about the midgets.  But you know what the crazy thing was?  You totally believed me.

Via The AP on Google News [Editor's Note: Take that Associated Press!  Totally linked to your post.  What are you gonna do about it?!  ...Didn't think so.]

The O’Fallon MO police department have joined Twitter!  In other news, the Fonz successfully landed his death-defying jump over the shark.

The OPD have squeezed out a total of four tweets, the first on August 19th, and have managed to scrape together a surprising 49 followers.  @ofallonpolice themselves, are only following St. Louis’ Major Case Squad (@majorcasesquad)

As of this writing, they did not respond to our question via a Twitter reply:

@ofallonpolice Can [I] report a crime over Twitter?

Thank god it wasn’t an emergency!

via Chas Beat