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parking

Capitalism and Politics

University City Wants to Ruin Everything By Charging People to Park


Posted by The Editor on 24 Mar 2011 /
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You know what the best thing to do when you’re in charge of one of the few good, consistently busy areas of St. Louis? Make it so it’s more annoying to go there.

City Manager Lehman Walker has proposed charging $1 for parking in the evenings — possibly starting as early as 4 p.m. — on two city-owned parking lots north of Delmar Boulevard; those lots are now free. The revenue is reflected in his proposal for the budget beginning July 1 but has not yet been considered by the council.

The City Manager came up with this? Could there be a more general, non-specific name for a position ever? If you’re an official for a particular city, isn’t your job to “manage” the city effectively? So what’s this guy’s job then? Oh…wait. Nevermind. Turns out he makes “task forces”:

The idea originally came from a group of citizens, the City Manager’s Budget Advisory Tax Force, which had recommended that the city charge from $3 to $5 to park in the Loop. Walker reduced that to $1 and only at nights.

It’s sad that University City is considering this idea, but it’s even more sad to see how far the term “task force” has fallen. That used to mean something badass. When you hear someone’s putting together a task force, you immediately think of 4 or 5 big mofos, armed to the teeth, with the sleeves removed from every shirt, not a bunch of old bastards trying to make money of the reason they have any money at all to begin with.

As with most University City matter, Joe Edwards, who seemingly owns half of the street, summarized it best:

“it’s good to look at all possible sources of revenue and cuts to balance a budget. But if they think about it for more than a minute, they will conclude it makes no sense and would be counterproductive.”

Edwards said if the move made good business sense, companies like Schnucks, Target and Walgreens would charge for parking.

To which the City Manager replied:

“The difference is that here we are talking about public parking lots supporting private businesses. I can understand people wouldn’t like it if it were $5 or $8 or $20, but this is a $1 charge. It’s not exorbitant.”

Wow…you’re so right. It’s just a dollar! Hell, lets start charging a sidewalk toll too…and a crossing Delmar fee, each are only a dollar, so what’s the harm?! If you really want to make some fast cash, start charging a dollar “wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt” fee! You’ll be swimming in a baby pool of singles by April.

via STLToday


Capitalism and Politics

The City’s New Revenue Plan: Phantom No Parking Signs


Posted by The Editor on 11 Mar 2011 /
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Oh those crafty folks running St. Louis! Parking tickets are a good revenue stream for the city, but what happens when people aren’t violating parking rules enough? If only we could make them think it was ok to park there and then say it wasn’t so they’d have to give us money?

[ Scene: St. Louis City Budget Meeting]

Mayor Slay: We need more money! The damn cops keep asking for more, we can’t cut any more services, we’re hemorrhaging people and we our plan to dig up and move North St. Louis with 100 helicopters over to Illinois still isn’t a viable option. We need money and you are my best idea men! Go!

Chip: We could start taxing the price of moving vans!

Slay: Hmm…not bad. What else?

Mitch: What if we get more parking fine?

Slay: How are we supposed to do that?

Mitch: Well what if we go a street where you can park on the street in the middle of the day and then put up a bunch of no parking signs so that later on meter maids can come through and make all those people give us money?

Slay: Really? Seriously?! I can not believe you would even suggest something so…utterly amazing! OMG! Lets go do it right now! I love you Mitch!

[Cut to Grand yesterday morning]

Motorists who parked at the Grand Boulevard Metro Station Thursday morning came back this afternoon to find tickets on their cars.

The city is banning parking, due to up-coming construction on the Grand Boulevard bridge.

The problem is the no-parking signs weren’t there this morning. Even construction workers were ticketed.

[...back to the meeting.]

Mitch: I love you too sir! …if this doesn’t work, we can try hanging a magnifying glass on the Arch and burn up East St. Louis like an ant!

Slay: What would that do for our revenues?

Mitch: What? Oh..nothing I guess.

Slay: Ok. Lets put that idea in the maybe pile anyway.

 

—-

Yes…the ticket thing seriously happend, though admittedly maybe not quite as we have portrayed it here.  (It was probably totally close to that though!)

via KMOV


Going Out

Jim Edmonds 15 Steakhouse Learns What a Difference a Letter Can Make


Posted by The Editor on 24 Nov 2010 /
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People around town have been getting the following email…

From: Jim Edmonds’ F15teen Steakhouse

Subject: Free Luxury Ride to the Guns N’ Roses Concert

OMG the band that the 80′s left behind, Guns ‘n Roses are coming to town! Didn’t you hear? It must have been huge news considering the last time they took the stage here there was a “tussle” of some type (it was kinda big news)! It was everywhere right?! Guns ‘n Roses return to St. Louis! Wednesday, November 24th at the Scottrade Center! …wait wait wait wait wait. We didn’t hear anything about a Guns ‘n Roses concert! No no no! This issn’t adding up at all. Something smells fishy alright, real fishy, and we aren’t talking about those well-acted pains Edmonds use to fake in the outfield after a big catch.

Here’s a screenshot of the email (link):

There is something going on tonight at the Scottrade Center, but it’s not Guns ‘n Roses, it’s Guns ‘n Hoses. As in the boxing matches taking place between St. Louis area Police Officers and Firefighters, not the famed band fronted by Axl Foley Rose [Editor's Note: Whoops! Though we stand by our Freudian slip of name dropping the far better Axl]. The part about a fight is pretty close though.

Well, we guess H’s and R’s are kinda like each other, in that an R is like a fancy H with its hand by it’s head and a their left leg kicked out. Seriously though, if this was just a true typo, we wouldn’t have mentioned it (We…ahem…have been know to throw a few typos out ourselves), but upon closer inspection, there’s not way they can claim typo here. Someone over there thought they were the only ones who knew a Guns ‘n Roses concert was going on! ”AVOID THE HIGH-PRICED PARKING DOWNTOWN” and the frequent use of the word “concert” make it pretty clear.

We love our “boys” in blue and red for keeping us all safe(-ish), but we don’t expect the “Guns ‘N Hoses” boxing event to require you to park out of downtown to avoid the high prices. It would be pretty pimp to be the one guy rolling up to Scottrade in a “Luxury Limo Bus” though…and by “pimp” we mean kinda sad. Especially since you’d be rocking the complementary Axl wig and bandana supplied by F15teen. I mean those things only come by the gross and there aren’t any returns, so you’re getting one…or six…or 23. You know what? Just take them all and give them to the cops. Maybe they can use them for disguises in meth-house sting operations in Jefferson County.

Thank you for thinking of Jim Edmonds’ F15teen for all your imaginary concert parking and limo service needs!


Going Out

Webster University Has a Parking Issue


Posted by The Editor on 28 Oct 2010 /
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This photo of someone’s witty reply to Mr. Gottlieb’s parking fine threat has been making the rounds today.

Though according to the Webster University website there are 13 lots with various rules of who can park there and when, it’s not enough for some Webster students. One of them has a printer a couple thumb tacks and some free time.

Also of note on the Webster University Parking Policy page is this little nugget:

Don’t know where to park? Call (314) 968-6900 and speak to the Department of Public Safety.

Operators are waiting for your call disgruntled Webster students!

via Reddit


Capitalism and Politics

Us: Forest Park Sucks to Drive Through, City: Here’s more signs.


Posted by The Editor on 29 Mar 2010 /
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Signs!  That’s the ticket…the fix to all our troubles! More signs!

That’s pretty much the reaction of the city when finally pushed to do something about the amazing traffic jams that surround Forest Park every time its nice and above 60 degrees.

After last week’s park congestion, Forest Park, the Missouri Department of Transportation, St. Louis City Streets Department, St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department and the park institutions met to work out a plan to improve traffic flow in Forest Park.

New signage plans are being discussed both on the highway and within Forest Park. These plans are unfunded at this time. The electronic message boards and temporary signs will be used to guide park visitors for now.

If the signs that tell people where to enter and park don’t help, the city plans on changing the signs to simply say “Go Away”.  If that doesn’t get the job done, Park Officials will release 12 homeless black men in to the park near certain attractions to ask for money and scare away all the West County families.

via Globe Democrat


Media

KSDK vs St. Louis’ Finest: Its On Now!


Posted by The Editor on 24 Jul 2009 /
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leisa_ksdk_vs_copsA little while back we told you about the brewing war between St. Louis’ NBC affiliate KSDK and St. Louis Cops.

It appears channel 5’s reporter Leisa Zigman didn’t feel reportery enough so she got out her fedora, tucked her press pass in the band and went off to uncover a scandal!  Long story short, she didn’t find one.  Instead, Zigman decided to do a “report” on St. Louis police officers parking in no-parking spaces throughout the city, including in front of their own station!  [Editor's Note: Dun dun daaaaaaaaa!]

In the last 2 days the piece is finally out (you can see it and the video on KSDK’s site).  Its clear from reading it that after the initial attention this story got, and the fact that not many were on KSDK’s side, they decided to hedge their bet, just a little:

Does this violation rise to the level of an FBI investigation into the department regarding an alleged towing scandal? Of course not.

Does this parallel the last years indictments against two veteran officers accused of planting evidence and dealing drugs? No.

But, the question raised is whether police or any public official is above the law, even if it’s just parking laws.

The slight backing off (and we mean very slight) hasn’t helped the cool the boiling blood on the other side.  A quick stroll through the local police message board found remarks such as:

Thanks Lisa. What a news story. I’m sure you will get the Alfred E. Newman award for waste of film. I want you to investigate why my neighbor’s dog barks only at 6AM and wakes me up.

That was fun to watch. Excellent display of reporting!! NOT

The empty spots that she showed as being designated for police officers are NOT for police officers. She didn’t even bother to read the freaking sign. Those are for city hall employees.
Sloppy work on her part. Lazy work.

I even wrote Leisa beforehand and commented on this asking her if this was really news worthy? She did write back and said to watch the segment. She said what we really need is more police parking. I did not get that from the segment.

As far as we are concerned, the only Police Officer that should be fined is the one in the second quote above that is still using “Not!”


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