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old people

Crime

Crazy Old Man Arrested for Being a Crazy Old Man With a Gun


Posted by The Editor on 18 May 2011 /
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You know how people always say “I can’t wait to be old so I can get away with everything.” Well, that’s not entirely true. Sure you can get away with butt pinching, driving too slow, telling little kids that they’re ugly to their face, lingering while hugging your gradson’s hot girlfriend, saying racist stuff, and having a visible boner, but, while all those things are awesome, you really can’t get away with everything. Ask the crazy 81-year-old escapee from a Camdenton care facility (read: death’s waiting room) who thought “walking around with a gun” was on the list, but found out just after police officers tackled his old ass, that it was not.

He was taken into custody immediately, but fired one shot during the struggle. Nobody was injured by the gunfire.

The Sheriff’s Office said Sunday the man has been charged with armed criminal action, second-degree assault on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, felonious restraint, resisting arrest and unlawful use of a weapon.

The Camden County Sheriff’s Office forgot to charge him with smelling like pee and sorrow, and wearing pulled up dress socks with shorts, but other than that it looks like they got the full list there.

We’d say to lock the crazy old guy up, but prison might be an upgrade from the old folks home. At least in prison, you’ll get your three meals and any prescribed meds. Sure, he’d be raped, but he can’t feel much down there anyway and at least its a visitor!

via KMOX

Photo Credit: Model Kate Upton on Twitter, who is awesome and knows that if you’re on Twitter and hot your job is to post sexy pictures of yourself. Sexy pictures that are way better than some old guy with a gun photo we were originally trying to find, but then got bored and decided to start looking up photos of hot chicks.


Going Out

New Casino Opens to Allow Old People Slowly Die While Giving Their Money Away


Posted by The Editor on 05 Mar 2010 /
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St. Louis has another casino.  Let me guess, its name has “arch”, “gateway” or “river” in it.

The [River City] casino opened after a parade and ceremonies where St. Louis Cardinals’ baseball Hall of Famer Ozzie Smith pulled a lever on an oversized slot machine to officially open the doors. The 90,000 square foot casino game floor features more than 2,000 slot machines and 55 table games.

The odd thing with non-Las Vegas casinos is that they are pretty much old folks home that serve drinks to young people at night.  Come to think of it, even the Vegas casinos are kinda like that, but they are so crazy you can’t tell as much.

Think I’m wrong?  The grand opening of a casino was at 2pm on a Thursday.

2:00pm in the middle of a work day.

Yeah, I bet all kinds of young people and businessmen came flocking out for that ribbon cutting.

Not only that, but I bet like all casinos, they keep it cold as hell in there…kinda like they are trying to perserve something…a casino like this in Lemay, Missouri might as well just cut the crap and start pumping in formaldehyde in through the vents.

via Globe Democrat


Going Out

Video: Chuck Berry Live at Blueberry Hill


Posted by The Editor on 26 Feb 2010 /
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What better way to kick off your Friday?

You may think you know that Chuck Berry is old, and its true, but no many know how old he really is.

One day I saw Blueberry Hill owner Joe Edwards in a barbershop and I went up to him and said, “Joe, between you and me…how old is Chuck Berry.”

Joe looks at me and says “Hey, Chuck Berry is 137 years old.”  137 years old!


Happening

Stock Photos of White Old People Are Racist Thinks Moron


Posted by The Editor on 25 Sep 2009 /
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I’m not here to be that guy that tells everyone that racism doesn’t exist any more.  It totally does and seen plenty of it with my own eyes.  This however, isn’t it:

When Sonja McClendon searched for senior housing for her 87-year-old black father in St. Louis County, she spotted advertisements for housing centers that didn’t feature any black people.

“That’s offensive,” she said. “It says that’s who lives here and maybe that’s the way we want to keep it.” She kept looking until she found ads, and a skilled-care housing option, that included black people.

Maybe these people are racists, maybe they really do hate black people and they went through the trouble to actually pick out white old people for their ads, but if thats the case, bring it forward!

In case your were wondering, the actual racist lady looked through ads until she found one with a black lady in it and put her father in there.  I hope she remembered to check if there were any old people with stupid, fame-whoring daughters in the ads, because if not, you have another chance for your name in paper one more time!

via Columbia Missourian


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