If you told me that you have $1.5 Million to spend and really love open spaces that used to be filled with long-since empty stores and cart after cart of hair extension and bedazzled cell phone cases, then do we have the place for you!

Northwest Plaza Mall and 500 Office Tower is a one- and two-story super regional mall with a 12-story office building that has 1,829,261 square feet of gross leasable area in St. Ann, a suburb in St. Louis. The mall is currently 8.54% occupied and the office portion is 47.29% occupied. Overall occupancy is 11.87%. The center was formerly anchored by Macy’s, Sears, Dillard’s, and Steve and Barry’s, though all anchors have vacated as of the date of appraisal. Additional outparcel stores include a vacant Toys R Us and vacant The Bedroom Store.

Possible uses for a great space like this include laser tag or a lair for any future plans of world domination as a super villain. It’s the perfect lair! It’s inconveniently located in North St. Louis, meaning no one, not people, not cops will want to go there. You might as well be on a skull shaped island! The old Dillard’s would be the perfect location for a lava pit to hang spies over and the abandoned Toys R Us? No better place to dramatically appear in front of the hero sitting on a throne of pool noodles on top of a pile of scary doll heads.

…plus you can always fall back on the laser tag idea until your death ray is ready.

Hurry! The auction ends in 23 hours!

via Fox2Now

Yeah yeah yeah, another day, another St. Louis violent crime, but buckle in because this one’s weird for even St. Louis.

It all started, as all things do these days, on Facebook, where a mix up about an underage party location lead to “a few hundred” teenagers showing up at the front of club Pulse. Pulse, a classy place in a strip mall next to a swap meet, isn’t where an underage Christmas party was planned, but the kids show up in droves anyway.

The man who answered the phone at the Pulse said a few hundred teenagers had lined up at the nightclub after someone on Facebook said a teen Christmas party event would be held there rather than at a club named da Wherehouse, on Goodfellow Boulevard.

The Pulse had scheduled a private Christmas party for 10 p.m., its usual opening time, and security was not in place when the teenagers started arriving about 8 p.m., the manager said. An employee for the Pulse arrived about 9 p.m. and found the teenagers, the man said.

First off kids, 8pm is way the hell too early. In our day, we didn’t go out to underage Christmas parties located next to swap meets until TGIF was over, and at 8pm Urkle was just starting to get his stalk-on all over Laura Wilsow, so it sure the hell isn’t time to go out.

Anyway, so these kids, hundreds of them mind you, all all stacked up in front of a club that is won’t let them in and isn’t letting anyone in at the moment. Finally some employees show up to explain the matter and just about that time it got all St. Louis-y up in herrrr:

A crowd of teenagers that had been turned away from the Pulse at 8370 North Broadway was in the parking lot about 10:20 p.m. Saturday when people in two cars drove into the lot and started firing.

Both cars sped away, police said. Witnesses described one car as red with tinted windows and the other as a silver four-door.

I know what you are thinking: Shooting up a Christmas party? …North St. Louis Jewish gang. Not so apparently, just a run of the mill St. Louis drive-by.

Ranisha Cole, 17, was pronounced dead Saturday at a local hospital after she was shot in the head and abdomen.

A 16-year-old boy was in critical condition Sunday from a shot to the neck and is believed to be paralyzed, police said.

Seven other teenagers, six boys and two girls ages 14-18, were wounded in the gunfire while standing in the club’s parking lot, police said. They were treated for various gunshot wounds to their arms and legs and then released, police said.

Cole was actually in one of the attacking cars, and at this time no one knows if the two cars were shooting for the crowd, or the opposing car. We’re kinda hoping that they were at least aiming for the club’s sign because if we hear one more club named “Pulse”, “Beat”, “Vibe” or “Ecstasy” we’re going to throw our glow sticks and puke up our Apple Pucker all over your iPod-powered turntables and slivery silk club shirt you think makes you look cool but it’s probably more the fact that  you go to underage clubs and buy 16-year-old’s a sixer of Smirnoff Ice. Sure you could get a job, but no one folds your shirts like mom, and plus this DJ thing is really going to take off soon.

Where were we? Oh yeah: Never ever go to North St. Louis. You’d be safer playing anyone not named Antonio Banderas in Desperado.

[Editor's Note: "What? I don't get it!" You suck. Go watch "Desperado" for the following reasons: 1. Everyone gets shot. 2. Selma Hayek's boobs.]

via STLToday

…and the record industry is trying to make it seem like downloading songs isn’t safe. Pfffffft. Try telling it to the guy that just got shot in the face trying to buy some CDs on Natural Bridge over the weekend.

A man told police he was trying to buy CDs when he was shot in the face by the seller Saturday night.

Police said the 28-year-old man was shot in the 4200 block of Natural Bridge in St. Louis around 11:06 p.m. The suspect then drove off from the scene.

The victim told police the shooter had a semi automatic gun.

What?! He was shot…in THE FACE…with a SEMI-AUTOMATIC gun…and then told the cops he was trying to buy CDs. Either this is bullshit or the victim here is a F-ing badass.

The local police district released a statement that included “We’re still trying to figure out why the victim was out buying CDs. We suspect he either doesn’t have a computer or doesn’t know about LimeWire, Gnutella or BitTorrent. The victim is in critical condition and will have to be rehabilitated on the use of mp3′s and chewing.”

A benefit concert will be held later this year with all the profits to getting the victim a computer and iPod.

via KSDK

[Editor's Note: Feel free to take and use our little informative graphic we whipped up. Spread the word: Piracy saves lives!]

KMOV is reporting a man was shot in the butt Saturday night in north St. Louis.  I know.  Totally surprising.

According to police, the victim and three friends were walking across the street when a newer model dark blue or black SUV approached.

The front seat passenger got out and fired shots; the victim and friends ran to a nearby residence. The suspects fled the scene.

The victim is in stable, but totally embarrassed condition because there’s no way to make an ass wound sound badass.

They are stopping the car now so the shooter can get out? Is the full-fledged “drive by” no longer cool?  I can’t tell if this is lazy for making aiming less of a challenge or taking more pride in their work by wanting to make sure they hit something other than innocent kids or old cops 2 days from retirement.

Paul McKee is a big developer that wants to buy up and transform North St. Louis with a little help from public funds, Doug Duckworth is the 24 year old voice behind the blog “Random Talk on Urban Affairs,” but together they are the North St. Louis Odd Couple!

One wants to get millions of dollars of public funds to help his project, the other…well, he doesn’t.

One likes video taping public meetings, the other quits when he notices the video camera.

We’re also guessing one is dirty and likes rock music, while the other one is clean and like classical.

Duckworth is chronically their adventures on his blog with video after video of the meetings and great break downs of all the news about McKee’s plans.  Its a pretty great battle so far, but I bet in the end they’ll find they have more in common than they think!

[Editor's Note: No they won't.]

Read More at Random Talk on Urban Affairs.