We noticed this headline last night on KMOV.com, but after a second we realized we always notice this headline on KMOV.com. Think of the time it saves to just always have this same headline on the home page! If someone calls you on it you’re only wrong for a max of like 30 minutes. It’s brilliant.
We present to you a few pie charts showing some relevant data but in the shape of pies because we both know you love pie. Maybe if you ate up science like you gobble down pie, you’d be working at that job you’d rather have. Something to think about, but today is a new day and you can have your lookin’ balls feast on fresh baked St. Louis science!
A North City woman is in the hospital after jumping from the roof of a third story building because she was being chased by police after robbing a nearby White Castle drive-through. You know an illegal adventure involving White Castle looks like fun in the movies, but in real life Neil Patrick Harris isn’t always there to catch you when you fall.
The employee handed a locked cash drawer to the woman who then drove away. Police tracked the woman’s car to the 1900 block of Warren Street and entered a building where she was located.
The woman then jumped from the third floor roof of the building and was seriously injured in the fall.
Running theories as to why on earth this lady thought she could take a three-story fall include: she ate a large portion of the White Castle burgers she stole during the getaway and thought her farts might soften her fall like a jet pack…or she’s just a f*cking moron.
via KSDK
Sure no one would ever want to shoot a baby, but honestly, a one month old is way too little to be an effective human shield. You cover chest and you expose the face, cover your face with the baby and you expose your chest as well as your nose to any baby stink. The trick really is to find the perfect mix of size and cute “You wouldn’t shoot me, would you Mr. Policeman?” factor. Your best bet is Justin Bieber, but the Biebs wasn’t in North St. Louis the other day, so one would have to improvise with a baby.
Police said the 40-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman got into an argument around 11 p.m. at the corner of Delmar and Academy.
As the argument escalated the man shot a gun in the air and then ran into a house with a one-month-old infant in his arms. According to officials, the man never threatened to harm the child.
Police managed to talk the guy out of the house a couple of hours later and no one was harmed.
The incident happened just weeks before the city rolled out it’s new tax payer funded “flak jacket papoose” program. Sure it seems dangerous to have your kid strapped to your chest during a gun fight with the police, but in North St. Louis being shot is like the chicken pox…it’s better to just get it over with while they’re young.
via KMOV
There are some that believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, like the dropping population numbers, the fact we have our own, albeit crappy, superhero, and that St. Louis’s crime issue isn’t as bad as folks like us make it out to be.
To those people, we present this, the saddest, craziest story we’ve heard of…so far this week:
In short, a group of people gathered in the street for a vigil for their slain family member and friend last week. During the vigil, cars pulled up and began firing shots at the crowd of mourners, prompting return fire from some attending the vigil, while others, like 21-year old Kiara Saffold, tried to run for cover, but during her escape she was hit by a car that just kept on driving. Kiara was in the hospital in serious condition and then died Saturday afternoon.
A murder, that led to a gun fight that led to a hit-and-run. Thank god these assholes were horrible shots or it could have been a lot worse. Maybe that can be our new tourism slogan “St. Louis: You’ve got a fighting chance because none of us are very good shots!”
Nah…we’re good on the crime stuff here in the city. Go ahead and book that extra aging early 90′s band for Fair St. Louis! You’ve earned the time to relax city government, and the Barenaked Ladies are here to take your cares away!
via KMOV
A man and his girlfriend are telling police of one really really bad day where the man was being confined to a North City basement and beaten with 2×4′s. Wow, that sounds pretty ba…oh and then he was moved to another vacant North City home a block over and beaten more there. Yikes.
According to Lieutenant Dan Zarrick, a girlfriend received a call from her boyfriend that he’s being held against his will and assaulted in the basement of a house in the 5400 block of Partridge.
The victim told police three suspects beat him with 2x4s. They also had weapons.
The SWAT stormed the house thinking the suspects may have come back, but no one was there.
Damn those pesky North City beatings and all that available vacant houses! Was the the crime that drove the people away or was it the people leaving that left all the great space to do crime in? Chicken and the egg man…assuming the chicken is poverty and the egg is a complete lack of police presence…and the chicken is on crack along with being the proud owner of the full hepatitis alphabet…and the egg is already robbing people.
The victim seems to be fine after the ordeal and when asked about the ordeal said it was horrible, but pretty average for North City.
via KMOV
