Remember forever ago when a script for those sissy vampire movies “New Moon” and whatever the next one is was found in a Loop dumpster behind some salon?  Well, that happened.  Trust me.  The next part is that the salon owner found it and did the nice thing by giving it back to the studio.  The studio was so happy it gave her tickets to both movie premieres, and the salon owner was so greatful that she went to one that then decided to sell the other ticket on e-bay. The studio was all like “nu-uh bitch!” and made her pull the auction down and then she tried to sell them privately, but the studio again put the smack down on the sale with an ultimatum.  The owner, St. Louisian Casey Ray, says she has every right to sell the tickets and is now suing the studio.

Summit then issued an ultimatum, saying Ray can transfer the tickets to the premiere and after-party for “Remember Me” but if she does, Summit will no longer provide Ray with the autographed scripts for “New Moon” and “Remember Me,” as provided under their agreement, according to the lawsuit.

God, just rip the damn things up.  It really can’t be worth this much trouble can it?  Either way, its done now and her lawyer is sure enjoying the spotlight.

“Casey Ray is a country girl raised in rural Missouri. She did the honorable thing by returning the scripts to Summit Entertainment LLC and is now faced with the prospect of her good deed not going unpunished,” said Ray’s attorney, Albert Watkins. “Ray may be a hairdresser from the Midwest, but she is not a sap. She entered into an agreement with Summit Entertainment, LLC; she has lived up to her end of the bargain, and it appears Summit Entertainment, LLC is itching for a fight on Ray’s home turf. If that’s what Summit wants, Ray is willing to take it to the mat. She eats hay and can pull a wagon, don’t underestimate her.”

A country girl raised in rural Missouri that is no sap but eats hay and pulls wagons?  Really?!

Ray’s lawyer pushed the point further down our throats by saying:

“Sure Casey is barely literate and lives in a town where most people can’t wipe their ass but know enough to get three different kinds of herpes…but she’s tough.  Oh and we know she looks like the before side of a Brenda Warner photo split, but that doesn’t mean you can just take this country bumpkin to the cleaners. Especially since she never cleans her clothes!  Just the three pairs of jorts with crotch sweat stains so deep you can barely tell the demin is acid wash down there.. …also she’s stupid and has cooties. I need a new job.”

Woah! Don’t mess with that sliver  tongued bastard in court! Guy’s like Matlock and Perry Mason rolled in to one…you know, if they clearly hated their clients.

via St. Louis Business Journal

What’s better than going to see your favorite girl-movie about non-scary flavors of vampires and werewolves at midnight?  Going there and falling in love…and then smelling her hair…and following her to her house…and stealing things out of her car.  Awww love.

New Moon midnight showing – m4w – 27 (Saint Louis, MO)

I sat behind you at the midnight showing of New Moon the other night. Me: 6 foot, dark hair, long nails, mysterious. You: straight long blond hair, full ruby lips, you were wearing black cargo pants and a twilight hoodie. As your hair draped down behind your sear i just had to hold it and smell it deeply(pantene.great choice). I don’t remember much of the money but I will awlays remember the smell and texture of your hair. The way you sound when you whisper and laugh. After the movie I followed you and your friends to Denny’s. I waited outside in my car so I could watch you eat and smile. I followed you home and made sure you got there safely. I noticed you left your car unlocked so I went to have a look into your life. I can tell by looking in your car that we have a lot in common. If you want your dash ornaments back you will have to meet me and we can have a great time getting to know each other. “grin”

Although I’m happy he  left out the part about his masturbating back in his mom’s basement with Pantene spread on his chest and holding your dash accouterments, but that doesn’t mean the mental picture didn’t show up.

If you are the blonde girl wearing cargo pants described above, change your locks and buy a gun.  Unless you are in to tall, dark mysterious guys with long fingernails…and that are probably required by law to notify all new neighbors of his past transgressions, then go for it. Hell you won’t even have to call him, he’s standing outside your bedroom window right now!

It’s ok, I couldn’t remember what a Blockbuster was either.  Thank god for wikipedia right?

Anyway, if you are either a 15 year old girl or a guy with a big, window-less van and a creepy mustache, you should totally head over to the Blockbuster Video in Creve Coeur at 11600 Olive Blvd tomorrow at 6p because there’s going to be  a New Moon party and we hear its going to be one of the biggest crowds in recent years at a Blockbuster.  We’re talking 10 maybe 12 people.  Crrraaaazzzzyyy!

Also, if you are one of the first 125 people through the door, you get a free pass to the New Moon  screening on November 19th!  Which now that I dropped that joke above about only 12 people going, someone looks like an ass don’t they?  Not sure if its me for being a dick or them for over estimating the number of people that can actually find the willpower to go to a Blockbuster though.  You’d think I’d go up and just delete that joke, but thats not how I roll.  Stream of consciousness baby!

Now the dilemma begins in the heads of the PR people of St. Louis…

“Well, he did mention it, but he also killed it because no one goes to Blockbusters.”

“I mean he’s right though.”

“We’ll yeah he’s right, but still.”

“Do we send him more of these?”

“Is all press really good press?!”

You also might be wondering “Why is there a picture of Kristen Bell at the top of this post?”

Because that chick in New Moon is unattractive.

There you go, simple answer.