If we were looking for a way to blow a small fortune, steroids, cocaine and gambling sounds like as good a method as any, but we aren’t here to approve or judge…ok, that’s exactly what we’re for, but usually that comes later in the post after we do this intro bit followed by a block quote of actual reporting.

It all started a few days ago when Nelly and his then promoter SLIM got into a war of words. Apparently Slim booked Nelly to appear at a Basketball game, and Nelly didn’t like it.

So Nelly took to Twitter and AIRED OUT Slim . . . then fired him.

Well Slim didn’t like all the SLICK TWEETING . . . and proceeded to put ALLLL of Nelly’s business out there.

Dayummm . . . remind us NEVER to get on Slim’s bad side. When that man GOES IN . . . he goes ALL THE WAY IN!!!

As Media Take Out described, it all started on Twitter with this tweet from Nelly…

Nelly_Mo: NOO IM NOT PLAYING IN ANY BASKETBALLGAME TODAY IN STL!!i dont f#ck wit “”S_hady L_ame I_gnorant M_uthaf#ckas”"!!

…which was an obvious (obvious, being a relative term here) reference to Nelly’s sometimes promoter, who goes by the alias of “SLIM”. Well, we gotta say, we enjoy Slim. First he hits back with this (a tweet that has since been removed):

LooseCannonSLIM: @Nelly_Mo #FACTS u broke you spent yo whole fortune on #coke #steriods #ashanti #PILLS and at #HARRAHSCASINO u prolly there now!

…and as if allegations of drug abuse and poor money management skills wasn’t enough…

LooseCannonSLIM: @Nelly_Mo u sold yo soul to the devil for 10yrs of fame and fortune…time to pay up!..u need to go to Shalome ASAP!

LooseCannonSLIM: @Nelly_Mo made me??? SMH..man jus STOP IT HOLMES!..u jus makin urself look worst..DO URSELF A FAVOR N CALL 1800BETSOFF

LooseCannonSLIM: Ok #ainttruebutitsfunny I got more ppl in my house right now than ppl who brought #brassknuckles and #5.0. Put togetha!! @Nelly_Mo

LooseCannonSLIM: @Nelly_Mo #thingsbrokepplsay “man I dnt need this big house nomo all da kids grown away..I’m jus gonna get a condo” #niggaufelloff

It’s all good though, because they’re still “brothas”…ok, maybe one last shot…

LooseCannonSLIM: @Nelly_Mo and at the end of the day u still my brotha..but the #PILLS and #gambling turned u into a #!@%*#ed up nigga..but u been gettn away w/ #!@%*# too long..you #!@%*#n up a lot of ppl lives thats close to u..wake up nigga!

We love this SLIM guy! Easily one of the more entertaining Twitter fights of the year! …eh…ok, we don’t want to be a grammar nag but, one thing we noticed Slim…you missed the trailing on g “making” in one of your tweets…everything else looks good though.

Nelly has a rebuttal, also on Twitter, which we screencapped below:

Maybe we’ll never know how ‘roided and poor Nelly is or isn’t, but we will know this: These two gentlemen are both products of the St. Louis City school system, and though they are clearly both borderline illiterate, they are alive which plays to the strength of the St. Louis School System’s new slogan: “Look, just be happy you made it out alive. Go learn stuff on your own time.”

via MediaTakeout.com

St. Louis native and rapper Nelly had his new album, “5.0″ (See that’s 3 more than how everything is 2.o right now.) last week. It did not go well.

“5.0″ sold 63,000 copies its first week out. The same week, Susan Boyle sold 335,000 copies, the unknown Jackie Evancho sold 239,000 copies and Rihanna sold 209,000 copies.

We thought that maybe people are simply finally getting tired of Nelly starting off all his songs with “Uh. Uh. Uh.”, but getting beat by Susan Boyle?! That is rough. Not a lot of street cred in getting ya ass whooped five-times over by Susan Boyle. You know it. Nelly knows it…and that’s why he took to Twitter over the holiday to let everyone know it wasn’t his fault. Turns out, and you’re not going to believe this, but it was actually everyone else‘s fault that Nelly made one single followed by a bunch of other songs songs that people really didn’t feel like purchasing. Bastards!

A record deal is a 50/50 partnership!As a artist its your job to provide the record company with music that they (record company) can sell!

Thing about the partnership is that n the public eye the responsibility is not 50/50! the artist is always the 1who catches 90% of the blame

Nodoubt wen a artist doesn’t deliver a song that does crack top of the charts or even top10 the label is quick to say artist didn’t deliver

So intern the artist must bare the brunt of that failure and take responsibility and consequences as handed out by his or her label!!

“”5.0″”Every1 luvs da album n say its crazy!So wen u hear folks say they didnt no it was out r there were hardly any n the store!

*Ahem.* Yup, pretty clear logic there. It sounds like he’s upset because no one knew where to buy his album and we think he also might have been trying to tell us that little Timmy is caught in a well over by the Old Mill. We better call the sheriff!

It’s cool though folks. Nelly is shaking it off, telling followers to not get it “twisted” and how he’s still going to emerge from his setback as a champion like the mighty phoenix rising from the ashes…or something like that but with less spaces and extra quotes.

Oh and be sure to look for the new, remastered “5.0″ album…maybe you’ll buy this one.

via STLToday’s Kevin  C. Johnson

Yes, Nelly has had a star on the Delmar Loop’s Walk of Fame for some time now (his start debuted in 2006), but apparently it meant nothing since the man himself had never yet been “presented” with it. Apparently this star was really important to him, but not enough to take 5 minutes to shake Look Godfather Joe Edwards’ hand sometime during the last four years. This all seems pretty stupid to make a big deal about his “induction” in to the Walk of Fame now, but we’ll concede that he did eventually give a crap enough to make an appearance for his hometown fans at some point and…what?!

Of course he was an hour late to the induction he himself scheduled. Why not at this point?

Nearly an hour past the scheduled 4:30 p.m. start time, Nelly and a crew that included his long-time bodyguard walked down Delmar Boulevard to the podium on the sidewalk in front of Blueberry Hill, just behind his star.

“I never thought this was possible,” he said amid screams from the crowd.

One would think it seemed a little more possible sometime over the last four years.

Following the outside dedication cerimony, Nelly was joined by the St. Lunatics Murphy Lee, Kyjuan, Ali, and everyone’s favorite, City Spud to preform an hour-long show in Blueberry Hill’s Duck Room venue.

In a somewhat related, not really, but sorta related, story a day later, Nelly Furtado showed up on time to her brand new star being added to Canda’s Walk of Fame. How nice of her! We’re sure she’s busy, has things to do, but she made it work for her native land. How polite of herrrr.

via STLToday

Spotted by our tipmeister, a tweet by Khris Stillman (@khrisstillman) says he walked in to his local gym to get a work out in to find the suddenly busy native St. Louis rapper, Nelly shooting a video.

A music video? Probably, but details are thin. All we have is Stillman’s cellphone photo (below)…

UPDATE…and the fact that Nelly tweeted about it. He’s shooting a fitness video:

My Fitness DVD coming soon! http://twitpic.com/2dlyg0

On the set filming my fitness DVD!! Let’s get it!! http://twitpic.com/2dlw1p

On the set filming my work out DVD!!! Let’s get it!!! http://twitpic.com/2dlvco

…old post follows:

From the looks of it the gym in question is Life Time Fitness out in Ellisville, but that’s all we have. Anyone have anything to add? Email tips@punchingkitty.com

Starting Wednesday, the native son of St. Louis and rapper, will be the drive-time DJ on Hot 104.1 for anywhere from 10 to 16 weeks.

In a related, but up until now completely unreported, story Nelly has also invented a time machine. Probably. He must have. Why else would he think being a DJ is still cool?!

We talked to a scientist about this bizarre move and amazing technological discovery.

Punching Kitty: Dr. Scientist, do you think Nelly has successfully made a rift in the time-space continuum?

Dr. Scientist: Yes. He must have. There’s just not other reasonable way to explain it.

PK: That’s a pretty bold claim. Do you have any actual proof.

Dr. Scientist: To be under the assumption that being a DJ or Disk Jockey is still cool, Nelly must have traveled to the 70s, which is wear we started our research. Sure enough, after only initial research, we found this old still from the show WKRP in Cincinnati that clearly shows Nelly in the background soaking up the cool DJ vibes.

Nelly also managed to get in to the original version of “The Longest Yard”. No one seemed to notice however.

PK: Amazing! One question arrises though. If Nelly is now back in the “present” time, why hasn’t he realized this idea sucks yet?

Dr. Scientist: It appears a side-effect of time travel that although your body comes back right away, your brain can be “left behind” so to speak. This appears to be what is happening with Nelly. It’s really sad and only going to get sadder when the children of St. Louis hear this and just won’t be able to figure out how to get “104.1″ on their iPod.

PK: Yes, that will be sad. Thank  you Dr. Scientist.

Dr. Scientist: You’re welcome. Also you are awesome.

PK: Thanks, we know.

Dr. Scientist: You are way cooler than STLToday. Those asshats steal ideas and never source anything.

PK: Totally.

via STLToday

Glad to see Nelly is allowed to preform somewhere these days.

Though by the time the show started it wasn’t much of a secret, Nelly’s “surprise” appearance in which he shared the stage with fellow native St. Louisan Chuck Berry at the Democratic Convention concert downtown last night sure geeked a lot of people up anyway.

Hopefully the fancy dinner and dancing date we took the Democratic Party officials on where we pushed our boobs up and wore that dress that our mom thinks is slutty, but works every time if you know what I mean…we mean sex…will get the DNC to feel up our city’s thigh enough where we can photograph it and bribe them to hold their conference here and then they’ll figure, “What the hell?” and bang us which of course because we are drunk we were a little loose with our rules and now we’re knocked up with the Democrat’s baby, but at least we get to go on every 24 hour news network and got to meet that other lady that John Edwards did the same thing too. She might have been a real lady though and not just a city using a lady metaphor.

(Nelly’s the white blob in the middle there.)

Photo Credit: Tim Eby