No doubt you’ve heard of the brutal murder scene discovered in East St. Louis recently. No not that one, the other one. No, the more brutal one. …ok, it was the one where a man, Zachary Irvin, was dismembered and burned to death. According to STLToday:

Irvin’s dismembered body was found burning on top of a metal landscaping cart nearby. Evidence led investigators to the large warehouse along Front Street, where they found three rooms with blood-spattered floors and walls.

Police found a meat cleaver, hacksaw, drywall saw, metal shears, claw hammer, rope, tin snips and binding material strewn about the rooms. Most of the items had remnants of a “red, blood-like substance,” according to the warrants. Also in the room police found a blood stained bandage.

Two men have been charged with the slaying: James Pierson and Dennis Iagulli, both were homeless until settling in to St. Clair County jail after being arrested when they were found to be in possession of Irwin’s personal items.

Apparently these days the internet is truly everywhere because, despite being homeless, Dennis Iagulli has a MySpace page. We were tipped off to the page recently and after only a quick look we found numerous items of interest:

- His current mode is “calm” …with a sunglasses smiley face.

- He goes by “DJ”

- Describes himself as (emphasis ours)  ”Phillipine and Italian 5’11″ 150lbs. slim masc GAY male who wholy believes in and Lives by karma”  Iagulli finishes up his About Me section with the amazingly creepy: “I have a plan that will hit the history books hard.(Theres[sic] more coming)”

- Interests: “My Interests vary and are very multiple, you get to know me, you get to know my interests.” Also creepy considering the circumstances no?

- Heroes: “All those people past, present, future who dared to think outside the box and act on what they thought.” …some times we shouldn’t act on every impulse we have though DJ.

- He’s gay.

- Children: “Love kids, but not for me.”

- He smokes and drinks.

- He claims to have a graduate degree, be self-employed and make “$250,000 and Higher” …I guess “homeless, alleged psycho” weren’t options?

- Only 5 friends. Tom isn’t to be found…anyone seen him lately? Just checking.

- DJ named his cat “Mom”. Freud would love to take a whack at this guy!

Our bet is that once the word gets out about his creepy MySpace page its coming down fast.

Dennis Iagulli’s live MySpace page is at: http://www.myspace.com/djiagulli

Lastly, thanks to our tipster for risking their eyes and mental health by going through MySpace to make this find!

These posters are up all over the Loop.

…ok. So are they saying the “perp” is a burn victim? Is he wearing a black guy mask? A robot from the future? …I really think we need to go back to the drawings of the guys…these computer sketches look weird.

We “like” lots of St. Louis restaurants, but we only love a few. Gyro House in the Loop is one of them, though sadly it’s owner was shot and killed outside of his home Friday night in Maplewood.

It’s weird. We’ve seen Ahmed a lot though didn’t actually know his name until now, and never said much more to him other than “Jumbo gyro to go.” and “Thanks.”

Police said Ahmed Eltawmi, 50, owner of the Gyro House in the Delmar Loop, was shot three times during a dispute and scuffle shortly after 9 p.m. outside in the parking lot near one of the building’s entrances. Witnesses said the shooter ran and the victim stumbled across the parking lot yelling that he had been shot and for someone to call 911.

He was taken to Barnes-Jewish Hospital where he was pronounced dead.

So much for getting our Gyro fix on Monday.

Police did not release a motive, but Eltawmi’s uncle, Ali Raffa, 66, of Ladue, said police hinted at robbery as a motive.

Now we aren’t sure if that’s what this was about, but we do understand some people aren’t a fan of the extra charge for more feta cheese.

We got a hold of the current Foursquare “Mayor” of Gyro House, Terry Blastenbrei, for a comment on Eltawmi’s violent passing:

I first met Mr. Eltawmi in 1998 when I started working at Commerce Bank on Delmar. My now-wife and I (who was my boss at the time) regularly ordered from there.  He and his partner seemed like gruff guys…my wife and I thought they reminded us of Soup Nazi from Seinfeld.  We joke to this day that their gyros are the best in town because they sprinkle extra hate in them.  Over time though, he got to know our order, and he didn’t seem like such a bad guy.

I came back to St. Louis in 2005, and him and his partner still seemed gruff, though not as much as the old days.  And they have the best damn gyros I’ve ever had.  And I’ve not heard anyone say a bad thing about Mr. Eltawmi…he was apparently well-loved by family and friends.

Rest in peace…

Well said Terry. Here’s hoping his surviving family keep the store open.

via STLToday

It’s May 17th! The Beautiful Kind is back in action!

Cops find dude murdered at South City car dealership. Key quote from police: “The place is kind of ransacked a little bit.  It could be just from the way they keep the business, we don’t know at this time.” Way to kick them when their down officer. — KSDK.com

The community helps a guy figure out some good date ideas for St. Louis. Community fails to mention our favorite place to go for no doubt action: Your Mom’s house. Snap! — Reddit St. Louis

People already think St. Louis is full of freaks that do things so stupid that meth is the only answer as to why. Lady in the Pujols dress…you aren’t helping. — Joe Sports Fan

Here’s a picture of a cat in a box:

A sad day for the people of Washington Park, IL as their mayor, John Thornton, has been murdered.

Thornton was 52 years old. He had been the mayor of Washington Park for nearly five years.

Investigators say Thornton was shot to death inside his car at about 5:40 in the morning at 47th and Caseyville Avenue in Washington Park. Washington Park Police initially told us that someone had flagged down Mayor Thornton asking him for money and that the mayor had let the person into his car. That’s when Washington Park Police said the murder happened and the shooter escaped in another car.

This is totally sad and all, but who the hell lets some random dude asking for money in to their car?!  Did Thornton think he was the mayor of Pleasantville? He wasn’t. It was basically East St. Louis.  You know, that place you accidentally drive into when you miss the last Missouri exit on 40 going east?  I’m pretty sure their city flag is a rundown building with a hooker armed to the teeth standing in front of it.  Not exactly the place where I say “Yeah dude. Sit on down in my car. Watch out…that gun might be loaded.”

The Illinois State Police have taken the investigation and moved quickly as they already have people in custody. Issuing this statement “Frankly we aren’t sure if those in custody were involved with the Thornton murder, but its the East St. Louis area so if not, we’re pretty sure they did something else.”

The Illinois Staties are good at what they do, even if those guys are totally innocent, I’m sure they’ll plant a knife on them or something.

I have no idea where Lexington, Missouri is and frankly I don’t want to know because a family was recently arrested there and…well…tell ‘em block quote:

Burrell Jr. of Independence, his three brothers, his father and an uncle have all been arrested. Their alleged victims have made allegations of years of rape and incest,

Dude.

[...] including mock weddings

Awww, dude.

[...] and claims that children were forced to kill a 300-pound man who had been kidnapped

Dude!

[...] and that a sex slave was confined in a crawl space.

Eh…can’t fault them there. I’m not sure where else you would put a sex slave.

Holy sh*t. That has got to be the most F-ed up family ever.  Look, lets not be naive, “rape and incest” happen enough in families, its not news…mock weddings though?  That’s like the rape version of twisting the knife.  Not only am I going to rape you, but we have to pretend like we are getting married first so you have to think about how I’m going to rape you while we do this imaginary wedding and then, I would assume, an imaginary reception.

I bet that father-daughter dance was awkward as hell!

via Globe Democrat

According to the Globe-Democrat, managed to kill 24 less people in 2009 than in 2008.

The St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department reported there were 143 homicides recorded in the city for 2009. That’s 24 fewer than the 167 homicides reported in the city during 2008. Police departments record crimes such as homicides that become part of the FBI’s Uniform Crime statistics

24 of you got away…and St. Louis pissed.

You think you’re going to get away with this?  Pffft.  Maybe in Salt Lake City, but not here.  Not in one of America’s most dangerous cities.   24 people cheated death in St. Louis last year and St. Louis hates cheaters!

Ha ha ha…another funny article from Punching Kitty!  Well laugh it up buddy.  You just wait until 2010 ends with exactly 24 more deaths than in 2009.

You go in and site down on at the disgusting Eat-Rite counter in Downtown St. Louis and you amazingly survive the food, only to have someone shoot you when you leave.

Police say the woman, 30, got into an argument with a man inside The Eat-Rite Diner at Chouteau Avenue and 7th Street around 5:30 a.m. Sunday. Police say the man left, but returned a short time later with a gun and shot the woman as she stood outside the restaurant.

At least its a quicker way to go then to have your body give up on trying to digest one of their hotdogs marinated in dishwater and cooked up by guy that looks like he used to be a mad scientist’s sidekick.

Seriously though, killing a broad in the street like that is some cold shit.  Here’s hoping they find this douche.  I’m sure it won’t take long with this description:

He is described as a black man age 22 to 24, 6 feet tall, 180 pounds with shoulder length dreadlocks.

Hmm, good luck with that.  They didn’t mention rippling muscles or eyes so penetrating that they make women fall to their knees and weep, so at least its pretty clear that I didn’t do it.

Source: KSDK.com

Through 2009 so far, the amount of all violent crimes have gone down 20% in St. Louis County according to this STLToday article.  No word yet if there was also 20% less beer purchased as well.

Areas patrolled by St. Louis County police are experiencing a dramatic drop in crime compared to a year ago, with all major categories down significantly through the first half of 2009, officials said.

County police report that murder, rape, robbery, aggravated assault, burglary, larceny, car theft and arsons all are down compared to the same period of 2008.

Alright guys!  Good job out there!  How’d the city do?

In the city of St. Louis, officials said reports on crime are mixed through six months. Crimes against people — such as robbery and assaults with guns — are up, with the notable exception of murders, which are down. Burglaries, larcenies, auto thefts and arsons are all down this year, according to the St. Louis police.

…dammit.  At least murders and arsons are down.  Of course if we could just figure out a way to cut the north half of our fair city off we’d be good…Albuquerque good!  Just take a look at the 2009 Murder map from STLToday below:

You’re really dragging us down North St. Louis.  Hey, how did we break East St. Louis away to something separate?  Think we can dust off that plan?