You might have heard that ESPN interrupted its continual coverage of how the Yankees and Red Sox are doing, to bring you an important message about Navin Shapiro and how his blabbing led to another university being caught being all about the money instead of whatever it is universities used to do before college sports made money. The school in question is the University of Miami, but the local connection is how this story has tainted the “I don’t win games, but I’m honest” image of the new Mizzou basketball coach, Frank Haith.

Miami booster Nevin Shapiro alleges that Frank Haith had knowledge of a $10,000 payment the booster made to secure the commitment of basketball recruit DeQuan Jones.

Shapiro said Haith acknowledged knowing about Shapiro’s role in the $10,000 payment and expressed gratitude to him for it when the two met at David’s Café later in the summer of 2008.

The booster said he paid for strip club visits for Haith, including a visit to Solid Gold in late August of 2008.

Oh well that’s just great. We get a new coach at Mizzou, Haith, who was supposed to be an honest guy for a change after the hair gelled coke machine, and the dick that bolted after saying he would never bolt. Just when we were starting to feel like Mizzou had a good thing going, this little slimy bitch ruins everything. Now Mizzou has to decide whether to fire Haith, or keep him on and try to pretend that it won’t destroy any recruiting efforts. As The Post Dispatch’s Bernie Miklasz recently wrote:

When you hire a coach and position him on high moral ground and depict him as an unassailable man of honor, you are obligated to uphold the ethical standards.

And this raises obvious questions. Why would Haith be hanging out in strip clubs with this scoundrel? Why would Haith accept a $50,000 donation from Shapiro? What’s with the texts and phone calls? Is Shapiro really the kind of person you want your basketball coach to run with?

Ugh! This sucks! Why do you have to ruin everything with your ponzi schemes and your corrupting coaches Navin? Yes, we’d probably all be a little pissed off if we were named Navin, but dude, this shit is not cool. What else have you ruined?!

Here’s a short list of other things Navin Shapiro also (probably) ruined based on our awesome investigative skills:

1. The Rams Superbowl

No surprise here, but there’s Shapiro cuddling with another coach of questionable morals.

2. He Might Have Been the “Other” Shooter

3. He Faked the Moon Landing

This photo will blow you away! Ever wonder what Armstrong was looking at in this classic photo, will if you back the fame up a bit (yeah, Photoshop is crazy good these days) you’ll see Navin Shapiro standing over there trying to blend in with a cheesy space helmet on. Nice try butthole! We caught you!

4. He Ruined Meg Ryan

This one is by far the worst. We can always get a new Mizzou coach, and the Rams did just win a Superbowl before that loss to the Pats, but we’ll ever be able to be aroused by Meg Ryan again, and that’s just not cool.

Check out this photo from the operating room during Meg Ryan’s fateful plastic surgery or Joker toxin injection (with before and after Meg Ryan shot for reference)!

…and holy shit look who’s there with Shapiro, Frank Haith. Figures!

via Yahoo! Sports (image source)

Oh Mizzou fans, wasn’t it much easier when you had a starting quarterback that was a little short guy that was good but not good enough that any NFL team would pick after 255 chances? You had to go out and recruit a tall kid with a strong arm and good mobility. Now he’s gone.

“This is definitely a bittersweet day for me, I was really looking forward to having a chance to do some special things next season with my teammates, but in the end, this is the right decision to make for myself and my family,” said Gabbert.

…and with that statement, Blaine Gabbert takes the early lead for the understatement of the year. Why on earth would a kid choose to spend more time in Columbia when he could go in the 1st round of April’s NFL draft and be a millionaire? Oh we’re sure he’ll totally miss Harpo’s though. Probably get all wispy about it right when he getting a half and half from some ridiculous broad in the back of his Escalade.

Meanwhile, now that the question of “Will he or won’t he?” has been answered, attentions turn to “Where will he go?”

Currently, and this stuff changes every day until April, ESPN draft expert Todd McShay has Gabbert going #5 in the draft to…you’re really not going to want to hear this…Rams division rivals, the Arizona Cardinals.

Gabbert has risen up the board late in the season thanks to the size, arm strength and pocket mobility to develop into an effective starter in the NFL.

If true, expect Kevin Slaten, the tree falling in the woods of St. Louis radio, to already start carving Gabbert’s name in to his arm right next to Kurt Warner’s. We also have something carved in to our arm, but we don’t need to get in to what the meaning of “fatty” is or what high school was like.

via STLToday

Richard Mehan, a 19 year old Mizzou freshman from Chesterfield, is in the hospital after falling from his dorm’s balcony Saturday night. The St. Louis High School grad fell from a fifth-floor balcony to a fourth-floor Laws hall landing at 2 am and is in “fair” condition at a Columbia hospital.

What could he have been doing at 2am Missouri University Police captain Brain Weimer?

Weimer said Mehan had been drinking.

Ah! Ok, so he got drunk and fell over the railing. …well, actually its far more stupid than that.

Weimer said Mehan had been hanging onto the outside of a railing when his hands apparently slipped.

He was drunk, hanging on the outside of the railing. How can a plan that sounded so perfect go so wrong?$5 this guy’s a Missouri congressman in 20 years. Better yet, it sounds like he might have just hit his head hard enough to be the mayor of St. Louis.

via STLToday

On Monday we mocked up what we thought it would look like when Sam Bradford pays off his bet with a Rams teammate about who would win Saturday’s game of Mizzou vs Oklahoma (above), but yesterday the real thing went down and we have photos of Oklahoma’s former QB rocking a personalized Mizzou jersey, courtesy of Rams wide receiver Danario Alexander.

It all started with an early morning tweet by Alexander saying simply “Good morning people!! I have a surprise for you today.”

A few hours later two more tweets followed with attached photos of Bradford rocking his personalized Mizzou jersey with his old college days number 14 on the front:

When reporters asked if Bradford ever thought about going to Mizzou out of high school, the media-savvy rookie quarterback replied:

Absolutely not, I wanted to win Big 12 championships.

…and what will he do with his personalized Mizzou jersey?

It’s going right back to Mr. Alexander. He can take it wherever he got it.

Full photos after the jump!

via AP

(more…)

The day before his current team was dealt an heartbreaking loss, Sam Bradford’s alma mater, Oklahoma, lost to Mizzou and in turn, Sam Bradford lost the bet he had in place with Rams wide receiver Danario Alexander.

Quite a crappy weekend for Rams Quarterback Sam Bradford, but he seems to be enjoying himself all the same:

Our Photoshopping (perfectly suitable for sending a photo link to your friends at Oklahoma) of a happy Sam Bradford rocking Mizzou gear is only a preview of reality, as the loser of the bet had to wear their collegate rival’s colors during practice the next week.

From Jim Thomas in last week’s Post Dispatch:

[Danario] Alexander’s Tigers face [Sam] Bradford’s Sooners in a battle of unbeatens in Columbia.

If the Sooners win, Alexander must wear Oklahoma garb next week at Rams Park.

If the Tigers win, Bradford must return the favor and wear Mizzou garb.

“He might look pretty good in black and gold,” Alexander teased. “You know, he’s gonna have to look good in it.”

Bradford shot back: “I don’t think that’s happening.”

Well sometimes things you are pretty sure won’t happen do, like Mizzou beating Oklahoma after getting thumped by them for their last 6 meetings or the Rams choking away a 14 point lead in the second half vs Tampa Bay…or when your down at Columbia with both teams’ jersey’s just waiting for either team to be dealt a devastating loss so you can throw on their jersey and go out and put your arm around some of those sexy, sad college girls desperate need of something to take their mind off of their athletic-driven pain! A plan that can’t fail..

Oh wow. Eww. Never mind. Don’t get us wrong, everyone is beautiful of course, except when you have a temporary tattoo and a clarinet up your nose…and you’re in the band…and fat.

Regardless, it’s time to don some black and gold Sam! …then after that talk to Coach Spags about not calling 2nd half offensive plays like a little scared old white woman walking through a Shop n’ Save who’s afraid she’ll get in anyone’s way or accidentally say anything racist when she goes down the “purple drink” aisle next game.

It had to be something this heavy for Derrick Washington, the stand-out running back, to be mysteriously suspended by Mizzou head coach Gary Pinkel last week. Division I college football coaches generally don’t just “indefinitely suspend” one of their best players for the something like library fines, and sure enough, the rap on Washington is a way worse than library fines…unless you broke in to the library after dark and put your penis in the books without asking, then it would be about the same.

A campus detective’s probable cause statement filed Monday says Washington entered the woman’s closed bedroom while visiting her roommate and allegedly assaulted the woman while she slept.

A July hearing was delayed at the woman’s request and the case appeared dormant after both Washington and the alleged victim failed to show up for the rescheduled hearing. But prosecutors continued to investigate and Washington’s family has hired an attorney.

Good try Derrick by going with the “ignore it and my sexual assault charge will just go away” defense, but it appears Columbia’s prosecuting attorney is a stickler for things like humping sleeping girls. You might have to try out the “don’t you know who I am?!” defense…check in with Dan McLaughlin about his shot with that.

“But when can he get back on the field?” asks the sicko college football fan less worried about the players penis-stabbing girls than about the Big 12 standings:

School policy says that athletes charged with a felony cannot return to the field until the case is resolved. With a Sept. 23 arraignment hearing, Washington will miss the Tigers’ first three games, if not more.

To his credit Gary Pinkel is taking a hard stance on his teams recent “issues”:

“The buck stops here with me,” Pinkel said. “I am embarrassed, and disappointed. Hopefully we can get this cleaned up.”

…and if not, he’ll just bail out to the NFL before any of the penalties get close to him. Pinkel’s going to look great as a Seahawks assistant coach.

via: Rivals.com

Photo Credit: Jeff Lautenberger