Robert Stevens, a 34 year old man from O’Fallon, Missouri, was charged with five counts of being a total perv after exposing himself to teenage girls on the internet.

A St. Charles Sheriff’s Department detective wrote in court documents that in September, Stevens opened five separate user accounts on the social networking site myYearbook.

The website captured the images of Stevens exposing himself and notified authorities. The default settings to communicate via webcam to other users was set so that Stevens could communicate with 13 to 17-year-old girls, the detective wrote.

Stevens admitted he opened the accounts, misrepresented his age, and exposed himself on the webcam, the detective wrote.

Holy shit!

…people actually use that myYearbook site? Have these kids never heard of Facebook? Seriously, have you ever heard anyone say “look me up on myYearbook!”? Just typing that felt weird. …oh and the showing your dick to underage girls thing too, but wow. myYearbook?! Is that where all the MySpace creepers went? If so, can someone post a bulletin that the illusion that you’re a14 year old is broken the minute your hairy old man balls make an appearance on camera?

You know this guy got quite the shock when the authorities showed up at his place to book him with cold hard proof from the website that he was putting his wang on camera for kids. This guy can probably barely work his Blackberry and then they throw down screenshots from the myYearbook “PenisFinderBot 3000″ and you know he had the crushing feeling of a future in prison mixed with a little bit of “Damn! They can tell if that’s a penis on camera with computers these days?! That is crazy…and really would have been nice to know that earlier.”

via STLToday

We hear tall tales that at one point in Tonight Show host, Jay Leno’s life, he was a comedian. That seems pretty far fetched, especially since old people told us that and they’re always liars, making up crap like slavery to impress us. Whatever. Anyway, the point is, Jay Leno is certainly not funny now and he shows anyone who cares to watch, 5 nights a week.

Last night he took a “shot” at Missouri and one Senator’s attempt to get those little children fingers back out there, doing important work for America by allowing children under 14 to work and stopping future child labor inspections and removing children work time limits. Here’s the setup:

And in Missouri, Republican state Sen. Jane Cunningham has introduced a bill that would eliminate her state’s child labor laws…

Oh man, this is kind of a weird bill. He could go a lot of places with this. Will he make a reference to how those little 12 year old arms with boundless energy are perfect for shaking the “instant meth” bottles? …or how since kids already play with balloons, and they get a pass at security, they don’t have issues with swallowing a few to get some “candy” across the border? …maybe he’ll mention the Cardinals new cost-savings plan to have kids spending their tween-years replacing the “Pujols” on jerseys with (Brad) “Hawpe” [Editor's Note: No. No one else has heard of him either.] Can’t wait to see where master observer Jay Leno takes this golden setup…

Well, yeah, I mean, why should the 10-year-olds in China be getting all the good factory jobs?

…and there you go. Horrible.

We would rather have a homeless guy give us the shocker than listen to Jay Leno. Which says a lot because last time we did that it was unpleasant at best.

via STLToday

Governor Jay Nixon asked President Obama if he can officially call an emergency for all 114 Missouri counties so we can all get some federal money.

Nixon’s office says the governor submitted the request to President Barack Obama on Wednesday as Missouri began digging out from the blizzard and severe winter storm.

Nixon says the record or near-record snowfall that hit much of Missouri has burdened local jurisdictions and the state with “tremendous” costs.

Wait. All 114 counties? It really wasn’t that bad in the city. Seriously. People went to work. If you can get to work and the Bread Company down the street is open, we don’t think that qualifies as a state of emergency. We think the city handled this all pretty well actually. The main streets were serviceably cleaned and we just loved the little touches they took the time to do, like putting up those frozen homeless guy outdoor coat racks around the city. We did see a few people trying to rob a snowman, but to be fair he was asking for it dressed up like that. Wearing a top hat north of Delmar? Come on! Gotta be smarter than that.

via KSDK

Pleated Jeans.com recently put together this map of our United States with each state decorated by one state that it is worst in the nation in. What better day to post this than on the day after our President’s State of the Union address?

Oh, I know what you’re thinking, guy with knife lodged in his belly, but Missouri isn’t the nation’s worst place for crime, that’s just St. Louis. The wise map picked bankruptcy as Missouri’s “best” worst ranking. So if you’re poor, this is all your fault. We were going to give you a dollar, but now, after this? …well we weren’t actually thinking of giving you a dollar, it would be too close to touching. We would have given you the “Sorry” look though, which we think is just as nice.

Lots of other stuff on there that we figured Missouri had to be in the running for!

via Laughing Squid

War is hell and now some guy’s Mustang looks the part.

Dubbed the American Spirit, the muscle car is covered with 255 pictures depicting the history of American war veterans. The photos are grouped in chronological order, starting with the American Revolution on the back bumper and ending with Operation Iraqi Freedom on the front. The car sports the vanity license plates “LVNFRE,” and across the front fender in 14 karat gold are the words “A Tribute To The American Soldier.” Owner Scott Lewis said he’s spent $80,000 outfitting the car.

Yes, this O’Fallon man made his 1971 Mach I Fastback in to something that looks like America’s Trapper Keeper from the 80s.

Lewis said a lot of people ask him why he designed the car,

No kidding.

…and he tells them it was his way of saying thanks. Lewis was unable to serve in the military because of a medical condition, but he’s grateful for the freedom and security he enjoys in America.

Other acceptable methods of thanks would have been “buying a soldier a beer” and simply “saying ‘Thanks!’” We would even accepted one of those big yellow ribbon magnets…but just one! One is all you need on a car. Having five on the back of your Ford Explorer doesn’t make you five times more loving of the troops, it just makes you look like your easily swayed by the Dollar Store.

To be clear, we love the sentiment, but if we have to make everything look like Uncle Sam threw up on it in this country to prove you are patriotic, then the terrorists have won.

War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing…other than sweet movies, and stopping Nazis.

via STLToday

The day before his current team was dealt an heartbreaking loss, Sam Bradford’s alma mater, Oklahoma, lost to Mizzou and in turn, Sam Bradford lost the bet he had in place with Rams wide receiver Danario Alexander.

Quite a crappy weekend for Rams Quarterback Sam Bradford, but he seems to be enjoying himself all the same:

Our Photoshopping (perfectly suitable for sending a photo link to your friends at Oklahoma) of a happy Sam Bradford rocking Mizzou gear is only a preview of reality, as the loser of the bet had to wear their collegate rival’s colors during practice the next week.

From Jim Thomas in last week’s Post Dispatch:

[Danario] Alexander’s Tigers face [Sam] Bradford’s Sooners in a battle of unbeatens in Columbia.

If the Sooners win, Alexander must wear Oklahoma garb next week at Rams Park.

If the Tigers win, Bradford must return the favor and wear Mizzou garb.

“He might look pretty good in black and gold,” Alexander teased. “You know, he’s gonna have to look good in it.”

Bradford shot back: “I don’t think that’s happening.”

Well sometimes things you are pretty sure won’t happen do, like Mizzou beating Oklahoma after getting thumped by them for their last 6 meetings or the Rams choking away a 14 point lead in the second half vs Tampa Bay…or when your down at Columbia with both teams’ jersey’s just waiting for either team to be dealt a devastating loss so you can throw on their jersey and go out and put your arm around some of those sexy, sad college girls desperate need of something to take their mind off of their athletic-driven pain! A plan that can’t fail..

Oh wow. Eww. Never mind. Don’t get us wrong, everyone is beautiful of course, except when you have a temporary tattoo and a clarinet up your nose…and you’re in the band…and fat.

Regardless, it’s time to don some black and gold Sam! …then after that talk to Coach Spags about not calling 2nd half offensive plays like a little scared old white woman walking through a Shop n’ Save who’s afraid she’ll get in anyone’s way or accidentally say anything racist when she goes down the “purple drink” aisle next game.