From time to time we like to dip in to the ole Missed Connections section in St. Louis’ own Craigslist. Why? Because these things are crazy stupid. Like KSDK airing a show about Cardinals highlights Thursday night during prime-time stupid.

Denny’s South county (southcounty)

Attractive blonde sitting with I assume was her husband, couldnt keep from looking at you, very sexy.

Nothing like spending your dinner trying to avoid eye-contact from the creepy guy a few tables away that clearly never did get the hint to make Denny’s somehow suck even more.

my sexy big buck – w4m – 38 (always wet)

miss u already, wanted to spend the nite. sorry couldnt handle what i truly wanted from tonite. thx 4 tryn prob sum things unfixable, ruff def the trigger tonite. want u to make love to me tomorrow plz

Wow. Gross. Anyone have any freaking idea what “ruff def the trigger tonite.” is supposed to mean? Anyone want to draw us a picture? Also, if you were wondering, the town of “always wet” isn’t Chesterfield, its a reference to her vagina…or rather that sarlacc pit she pretends still resembles a human vagina.

send me a email satan – w4m

I miss you!

Crap. This one’s for us. Excuse us. …Look, we’re getting through our inbox as fast as we can. We’ll get back to you soon Matt Chambers.

Here are our top 3 favorite current St. Louis Craigslist Missed Connections pick-up lines from the fellas:

3. “in the shower?” – m4w

if u clicked on this chances are it is u i am looking for we joke about it often but never actully get in there but i wouldnt say a word if u really did get in there and to tell the truth i would like it i am quite sure let me know something that will make me know this is u

…um…wow. One more time maybe…

if u clicked on this chances are it is u i am looking for we joke about it often but never actully get in there but i wouldnt say a word if u really did get in there and to tell the truth i would like it i am quite sure let me know something that will make me know this is u

Link

Didn’t help. If you can understand this, go bang this dude ladies…he is your soulmate.

2. “I Need You Now” – m4w

I need you now, come to my office………..I’m alone

Hell yeah! Awwwww….just girls. Figures! Did we uncover some secret message passing system from adulterers? Also why did he have to explicitly say he was alone? That’s not implied? Is “I need you now, come to my office……My mom is here.” something that could reasonably happen in this relationship?

Link

1. “Dr. Babenstein?” – m4w (babesville)

You, were sitting in a plastic chair “fighting the beats” as i slid into a deep lunge and punchdanced my way into your heart. listening to you wax intellectual on the subject of mature industry was delightful AND informative. i told you one of these days i was gonna sweep you off your feet so you better be prepared. im talking like, you better wear a sweatband everywhere in case things get intense! if you fit the description of the total babe that im talking about, why dont you throw on those babe shades and go for a windy walk with me? im pretty sure you know how to get a hold of me if you wanted to. mebbe u and me and HL could go on a bike ride? fun times will be had by all!

sincerely yours,
hink-o-tron 3000

There was also a photo (right). There’s nothing I can say to make this better, just keep reading it and let it’s magic wash over you.

Link

Found last evening on St. Louis’ Craiglist Missed Connections section:

to the girls on the hiway[sic] im[sic] their cars – m4w (interstates[sic])
every day i drive down the road.in a shiny jeep all decked out.and i see so many pretty ladies going by,shopping,to work,to who knows where.they are all fantastic looking.but do they look at me or anyone?

“hiway”? “im their cars“? “they are all fantastic looking“?! Why can’t this guy learn to write and where is he driving where all the girls on the street are fantastic looking?!

Can’t imagine why the women of St. Louis wouldn’t want to make eye contact with creepy retard in his jeep as he gawks at them driving by. This then leads to the follow-up question: What if they do make eye-contact? What then? You going to pull over and they’ll run to your arms in slow motion? Girls don’t do that dude. If they run at all, its away from you…eventually they get tired though…its all about keeping in shape….and getting one of those big white no-windows-in-the-back vans…and duct tape.

via Craigslist

Found on St. Louis’ “Missed Connections” Craiglist page:

First impressions are everything. So, if you want to pick up a woman on here, draft your post to give the impression as though you did in fact graduate high school and possess basic literacy skills. LEARN TO SPELL AND USE PUNCTUATION! Sentences should start with a capital letter and end with period. “Txt” spelling is fine for a text, but isn’t finding that special woman worth the extra nanosecond it takes to spell out your words completely? No, txt speak does not make you sound cool or fun. No woman wants to date a man who comes off as either illiterate or just too lazy to write comprehensible sentences.

See he sounds smart by making obvious grammar tips, but if you look close you’ll see he’s a moron because he apparently is under the impression that simply having good grammar on your creepy Missed Connection post where you explain that you are waiting for the girl you love to email you back and tell you which part of your body did you pull hair out of and leave behind on her pillow last night will win you the girl.  It won’t.

“Ewwww. Gross…oh but he used “whom” correctly. Come out of my closet and put down that chloroform, you won’t need it tonight big boy!”

That scenario has only happened to me once, only she didn’t exactly say that…and it turns out I needed the chloroform after all.

Good luck to you buddy!  While others only hang out by the Porta Potties because they drastically miscalculated the amount of beer and fair food they could pack in to their colon, this guy uses that time to find love.  This is a guy that takes advantage of every situation!

Pride talked to you by the porta potties….. – m4m

I talked with you by the Porta potties about if you had been to the Latino Bar by 44. It ended up that you know the guy I was asking about. You said you were with your “Mother” but ended up to be a friend. Tell me what you said you “do” for a living and what yoru best asset on your body was? Pleaes send pic so I konw it was you.

This must have been a mysterious meet up by the porta potties judging by the amount of quotes around seemingly non-mysterious words.  I do hope this guy finds his missed connection, but if he doesn’t, our advantageous porta potty paramour has his bases covered as his missed connection continues!

P.S. If the Life guard we both ended up chatting with see this……. Please get ahold of me…. Tell me something I will know that it was you>>>>>>>> i.e. what type of undies did wear.

I assume he meant “life guard” and “chatting.”

Dammit.  Nevermind the fact that they have lifeguards for some reason in Tower Grove Park, now I’m wondering what kind of underwear the lifeguard was wearing.

Its about road rage!

Driving Down 70 – 22 (lsl) [link]

I was in silver car…YOU trying to race your pathetic excuse for a car….NEXT TIME PLEASE MOVE….Seriously You had to see that you were making a fool of yourself… SO Next time just save me the trouble of having to go around you and make you look like a dumbass when you almost rear-ended another car… Cause you were to busy looking at me ..When You should Have been looking at the FREAKING ROAD…Yes I know people stare all the time AND NO im not interested BUT THANKS The gawking is actually quite amusing /flattering,,Except for when my hubby’s around..He gets a little irritated…. 

Yeah, that kinda crap is annoying, but also you seem a little bitchy.  But you know, a one time thing that made you mad enough to type it up on Craigslist isn’t a big…

OH AND To the idiot in the suv in MIDRIVERS PARKING LOT BY Max *Erma’s YOU ALMOST HIT ME and my 3 year old little girl WHILE YOU were swerving around the parking lot yapping your bleach blonde bimbo ass on the cell phone…Whatever it was it wasnt as important as my 3 year olds life… and Next time I see you … Im going to shoot you..SO BEWARE.. 

Happy Valentines DAY!!!

Ok!  Well now we have a pattern that involves you honey.  And the whole “Im going to shoot you..SO BEWARE.. ” stuff?  Yikes.

Such anger.  I hate to say it, but I think I miss the creepy love that we usually find in Missed Connections.