Venn Diagrams are awesome. They are like if science forgot to use a coaster and at first you’re like “What the hell man?!” but then what are you going to do about it? Nothing. Does it look cool? Eh. Cool enough.

Starting as soon as March 14th, the Grand Avenue bridge (from Chouteau to the highway 40 on ramp) will be closed for over a year as plans to replace the bridge and the Metrolink station below begin.

Driving factors for replacement instead of repair are that the aging six-lane bridge was not built to withstand an earthquake, and meeting modern codes would cost too much. Plus, its sidewalks aren’t wide enough for the requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. Meanwhile, Metro buses often clog a lane of traffic while picking up passengers.

A year is an awfully long time to have a busy street like that out of commission, but the plans do make it seem worth it in the end:

The new bridge will feature two lanes in each direction and a decorative planter in the middle of the street that will improve the look — and deter jaywalkers, Bradley said. It will have 13-foot-wide sidewalks and bicycle lanes. Equally important, it will have turnout lanes for buses on Metro’s busiest line.

Blow it up! We won’t miss having to slow down around morons crossing all 6 lanes at rush hour and getting stuck behind a bus after a miscalculated attempt to pass the moron going 13 mph in his blue and rust colored pickup truck.

Of course the one thing they really can’t fix is the fact that hey put a metrolink stop in the middle of a freaking bridge with nothing around it but dark streets. Any street that long, uninterrupted by cross streets, makes us feel like we are in a shooting range…a shooting range where the little metal ducks get raped afterwards. That won’t change, but they won’t let facts like that get in the way when they’re busy using up that big case of turd polish they just bought!

Metro transit officials have timed their $7 million renovation of the Grand MetroLink station with the bridge replacement. The new station will feature an open plaza area on Scott Avenue that will be well-lit at night, said Chris Poehler, Metro’s senior vice president of engineering.

“We always wanted to brighten it up,” he said of the Grand station, which sits in an industrial neighborhood. “Our goal is to take it from one of our least inviting stations to our most inviting station.”

Ok! …never gonna happen. First off, lets just get one thing straight: The “most inviting” Metrolink station translates to “the least stabby looking”, which is still a tall order for an ill-conceived Metrolink station that involves you walking a half mile from either direction away from anything of value other than a broke-ass Rally’s, and then down a thin stone staircase to wait on a little cement island surrounded by industrial buildings just vacant enough that no one can hear you scream. …oh and now it will have lights so you can just get a good enough look at your attacker’s face that now he’ll have to kill you.

Nah! We heard crime’s getting better in the city. Go Billikens!

via STLToday

Updated with comment from Metro! (See below)

Three different MetroLink trains had to evacuate their riders yesterday when they lost power due to the “historic” ice storms hitting the city limits. When ice encases the power line that runs across the track, then the trains aren’t going anywhere, but at least all the riders could easily be evacuated…

The biggest problem happened on the Shrewsbury line around 5:30 Monday evening. A train lost power on a bridge in Brentwood and was stuck on the bridge for an hour and a half to two hours.

…er…um…well at least those people weren’t left stranded out in the cold. The trains have heaters of course…

Metro was not sure if the train had working heaters.

Of course they didn’t. At least it was probably super comfortable on there otherwise with the usual MetroLink suspects: Stinky Guy, Girl chewing Gum Loudly, Dude With a Bike, and Obviously a Rapist Guy.

via KMOV

Update via our comments from a Metro representative:

When I talked with a passenger on the disabled Maplewood train last night via Twitter, he reported that everyone was in decent spirits, and no mention of loss of heat.

Like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, the MetroLink train’s vision is based on movement. Still, motionless objects are effectively invisible to these large beasts of burdon, making things like a stalled flatbed truck on the tracks so hard to avoid.

Witnesses said the train, headed eastbound, hit the flat-bed truck that was stalled at the North Market crossing around 5:30 p.m.

A red truck with “Mr. JP Towing” on the side was wedged against a pole about 200 feet south of where North Market crosses the MetroLink tracks.

No word yet on the extent of the damages to any individuals involved, but at least five people on the train were taken to the hospital after the impact shattered the train’s glass windows.

Devin Barnett, who also was on the train, said windows shattered after the impact. He counted at least five people transported by ambulance to area hospitals. Some, like him, signed waivers refusing treatment.

“I feel like somebody hit me,” he said. “But I’m gonna be alright.”

Someone probably did hit you during the chaos. Check your wallet.

No idea how a large, bright red, truck on the tracks was so dammed hard to see but to be fair, the MetroLink driver was probably too busy trying to get the entire microphone in to their mouth before letting everyone that there is no food or drink allowed on the same train we saw some crackhead pee in once.

via STLToday

Some of you whined about our use of the word hipster, but most of you enjoyed our post on the Metrolink Prom last week, and one such reader even fulfilled our request for photos from the night’s festivities!

Looks like a good turn-out. Nothing like riding crotch-to-ass on a stank Metrolink train for fun!

As promised, the new year’s king and queen were crowned.  He seems happy.

Thanks Chris for posting these to our Facebook page!

[Update: Jesus. Maybe you don't consider them "Hipsters" but who gives a crap? Feel free to replace the word hipster with nerd, dork, wannbe-hipster, giraffe, whatever. For the record: "Hipster is a slang term that first appeared in the 1940s, and was revived in the 1990s and 2000s often to describe types of young, recently-settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with interests in non-mainstream fashion and culture, particularly alternative music, indie rock". A Metrolink Prom would be non-mainstream culture.]

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The MertoLink Prom is apparently coming up this weekend and according to the event’s page on Facebook 186 people are down to attend this hipster circle jerk probably with a bunch of dudes dressed in tuxedo t-shirts thinking its a new joke and tons of chicks in glasses they don’t need and in a dress they spent 3 hours at the Goodwill looking for. After the “prom” they’ll all go drink beer they hope you’ve never heard of and talk about when each of them went to Bonnaroo.

Please join us for the 3rd Annual Metrolink Prom!

There’s been two of these already?!

Dress to impress and be at the Convention Center Station by 7:30 where we’ll catch the Westbound train to the Big Bend Station. At Big Bend we’ll elect the next Metrolink Prom King and Queen. This is a voice vote so bring your entourage!

We’ll then take the Eastbound train to Laclede’s Landing where the party will continue at The Big Bang Bar. Party guests will get free admission and $3 drink specials.

Metro fare is $2.75 for a two hour pass. http://www.metrostlouis.org/

Here’s a picture from a previous year and I don’t want to say I told you so……but we told you so.

If you go this weekend send us some photos! We would especially love photos of the geeky chick that never went to prom before and has found new confidence in her body with her Wash U Philosophy major friends and goes with the dress that’s a little too slutty. You’ll know who we’re talking about when you get there.