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Happening

St. Louis Craigslist: Who Says Romance is Dead?


Posted by The Editor on 13 May 2010 /
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Every day lonely souls longing for the love of that one that got away go to Craigslist to type out prose in a desperate attempt to find the person that, although just meeting in passing, may hold missing piece to their happiness.

This isn’t one of those.

that one girl that looked like she wanted to blow me – m4w – 23 (o’fallon)

you were eying me like you wanted it, baby. send me pictures of your tits so i know it’s you.

Class. Pure class.

We’re going to take a shot in the dark here that this particular gentleman’s definition of a “I want to blow you” look is pretty loose…like if you are breathing and he hasn’t rufied you yet. But with poetry such as this, he may be able to change some minds. Poor bastard is probably going to have to comb through the thousands of responses he will undoubtedly get, looking at pictures of tits over and over again until he finally finds the tits he was looking for…exactly like the original ending to You’ve Got Mail.

We know exactly what it that desire looks like on a woman’s face though, and not just because we are an amazing chick magnet can make a woman quiver with a wink and a smile because of our rugged good looks and legendary bedroom prowess…oh wait no. That probably is why. …that and if you squint just right you can’t tell the difference between disgust and intrigue. If you’re unsure, always assume intrigue.


Going Out

St. Louisans Find Love at Area Walmarts


Posted by The Editor on 06 Oct 2009 /
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ap_walmart_070618_msIf you don’t think Walmart is in our midwestern blood stream like that really bad case of gonorrhea we got when I fooled around with that heiress bartender stripper hooker in the parking lot of the Casino Queen [Editor's Note: Call me Porsche!], then you got another thing coming!  Not only do we buy mayonnaise in bulk there, we also tend to find love by the gallon!

One quick look through missed connections on Craigslist found 18 attempts to reconnect that person they felt an instant connection through the crowds of blue vests and hairy-backed men in sleeveless shirts.

Here are our favorites:

Collinsville Walmart – m4w – 28 (collinsville)

Saw you in Walmart this afternoon. We locked eyes as you were going into the checkout lane. I saw you again when you went to the customer service counter. Can’t get you out of my mind now! If you’d like to meet up later tonight or tomorrow for drinks, e-mail me back with what you were wearing or a picture.

“…or a picture…you know, if that’s easier.  I’m not creepy at all by the way.”  I always wonder what this type of guy’s definition of “locked eyes” is.

regarding the walmart self check girl – 25 (lake st. louis)

i read this post
and it warmed my soul,
deep from within the cockals of my heart
thank you to the brave soul
who exposed a piece of his heart
and shared it with all the world

[I see you all the time, but I don't think you see me. ]
[You are SO amazingly beautiful. And you have, by far, ]
[the most astonishingly sexy ass of any woman I have ever seen. ]
[Your ass is so incredible that it hurts... ]
[I really wish I could do things to it, and to you.... ]
[I always look forward to going to Walmart, and hoping you are there.... ]
[so I can feast my eyes on your beauty and dream... ]

now thats a deep connection

If by “deep connection” you mean, “good way to get a restraining order” then yes, it is a deep connection.

Belleville Walmart – m4m (Belleville, IL)

You were shopping at Walmart around 2:30 pm on Saturday (09/26). I noticed you looking at me so I kept circling in the area until you left. You were wearing a red t-shit, short and I believe you are from Germany. You are a very attractive young man and I would greatly enjoy the opportunity to get to know you. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but I would not be opposed to that either. I do hope that you see this and respond.

I mean not in a sexual way…unless  you think so too…then TOTALLY!

UPS guy Union Walmart – m4m – 41 (Union)

Seen you at Union walmart tues evening.very sexy hot man. You, dark salt pepper hair 5 oclock shadow. left around same time, you got in blk chev truck. caught you eye, might of been nothin but if it was, hopefully you seen what i was wearing or what i bought, let me know if interested in a little relief sometime.very discreet here

That’s one way to get a package delivered.

walmart in festus – m4w (festus)

you were wearing black boots and a denim skirt and were HOT just wanted to tell ya OMG not many women look that good anymore

This guy’s approach is to insult every other woman in an attempt to get this one particular woman he saw in passing at a Walmart.  Great plan.

Did you find love at Walmart?  …or more likely, do you go to Walmart and feel the eyes of creepy hoosiers and barely there door greeters crawling all over you?


Sports

St. Louis Loves Kurt Warner


Posted by The Editor on 29 Jan 2009 /
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stl_loves_kurt

Two things are clear from that graphic above: 1. My photoshop skills are l33t.  2. St. Louis’ collective love for Kurt Warner hasn’t been this high since…well since he took our football team to the Super Bowl.

But why do we collectively love this guy so much?  If you have been around St. Louis for a while now you are saying “What?!   Kurt Warner is like if Jesus knew karate!  He’s just too amazing to understand!”  Well, what if you are new to St. Louis, or you are a google searching putting up his feet on our little cyber dive-bar here for a quick drink in the desert that is the internet?  Kurt left town 7 or 8 years ago people!  Everyone could use a refresher course!  So let PunchingKitty.com count the reasons…

Why St. Louis Loves Kurt Warner

1. He’s a good football player.

2. He poops vitamins that he gives to under-nourished youth.

3. His mere existence gives Kevin Slaten something to talk about.

4. He transmits his thoughts to my dreams and tells me to kill people and light fires.

5. He might be the second coming of Jesus.  Of course, if he is, he’s holding off the last judgement until after the Pro Bowl.  You have 2 weeks sinners!

6. One time when he was with the Giants he was on the other team’s 23 yard line with 8 to go on the third down, and he fired a pass up the middle but it was too high and the receiver couldn’t get to it.  It would appear that Kurt failed, but really there was a snake about to bite a small child in the first row behind the end zone and Kurt hit the snake on the head with his pass saving the kid.  The snake was stunned but unharmed and returned to the wilderness after the game.

7. Kurt’s hugs cure the common cold.   Though apparently not down syndrome.

8. He reads all your crazy Letters to the Editor about him you send to the Post Dispatch.

9. He has a good Christian hair cut.

10. When he touches me, its never a bad touch.

Do you have any you want to add?  Toss them in the comments or hit us up on Twitter (Remember to put #pktip so it shows up on the front page!)


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