Basing their rankings off of sales data of romantic novels, relationship books, romantic comedy movies, Barry White albums and various “sexual wellness” products per capita since the first of the year, Amazon.com has placed St. Louis at number 18 on it’s Most Romantic City list.

To us that sounds more like St. Louis has relationship issues than one that’s naturally romantic. Why buy all that crap if you’re just naturally gifted with the ladies? Clearly we are a lone wolf of romantic sexiness in St. Louis because we sure don’t need Barry White albums. We tried to play some music to calm a lady friend down, but it really didn’t seem to help. Hell, she probably couldn’t even hear it from inside the trunk.

Here’s the top ten:

1. Alexandria, Va.
2. Knoxville, TN
3. Orlando, Fla.
4. Miami, FL
5. Ann Arbor, Mich.
6. Columbia, SC
7. Cincinnati
8. Murfreesboro, TN
9. Gainesville, Fla.
10. Tallahassee, Fla.

via KMOV

St. Louis made #3 on a seemingly good list about the best places to go for Labor Day! What the hell is happening here? Something feels wrong…very wrong. We aren’t the only ones feeling it, right Ghostbusters?

Exactly Dr. Venkman! “Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats…living together!” We are St. Louis. We don’t get on “good” lists and we don’t know how to take this.

On the one hand it’s great to see St. Louis near the top of a list that doesn’t start off with “the worst…”, “the most violent…” or “Biggest Diarrhea-inducing…” but on the other hand, this is a pretty lame list to top. “Top Labor Day Destinations”? Just saying it makes us want to kick our own ass. Labor Day isn’t even really about travel, it’s about BBQ-ing in your own backyard. An actual “Top Labor Day Destinations” list should include things like “Schnucks” or “Dirt Cheap” not “St. Louis”. So in some way Priceline is saying “Here are the top places to go on a weekend where no one ever goes anywhere.” or in other words “Don’t go here.” …and there we go!

Now that’s a list St. Louis is used to! The world has righted itself once again thanks to Punching Kitty! Your neighborhood cats and dogs should start behaving normally any minute now.

via Priceline’s Travel Blog

#1 New York (JFK, LaGuarida, Newark)

#2 Los Angeles

#3 St. Louis

#4 Washington D.C.

#5 Boston

Those are the five worst airports in these United States, as voted on by the readers of “Travel and Leisure”.  Hey, at least its not about crime this time!

Maybe folks just miss TWA: its old home, Lambert-St. Louis International Airport, is dreary to AFC readers on a number of fronts. It ranks last for its airline clubs—you’ll find only one American Admirals Club—and its food and shopping rank 28th and 29th, respectively. Plus, you’ll pay $8 for WiFi.

Can’t argue with most of that. The food does indeed suck and any airport that charges for WiFi access should be taken out back and shot, and we know all too well about the craptasticness of the shopping at Lambert (JoeSportsFan Figures Out Airport Shops Suck Balls).

The good news is that if you are from St. Louis you are probably saying “Eh, its not that bad.” because you have the luxury of never having to be trapped in it, while many people outside of St. Louis don’t even know what Lambert is like because nothing flies through here ever any more. We hear Delta is thinking about just taking Labert out of the equation totally, making St. Louis visitors just jump out of the plane instead of choosing to actually stop here. Granted, that’s Delta where most would rather just jump out anyway instead of being treated to the free, and mandatory, anal rapping service Delta gives out these days when traveling with them.

Ah crap. We told you this news but we weren’t standing in front of Lambert when we did it. Is that OK? Did you still understand it? We know that apparently most TV news thinks your so stupid you can’t get it unless you are told news about something that they are standing right in front of. *cough* KMOV *cough*

“Lambert Airport was rated the third worst airport. This is an airport behind me…actually its Lambert Airport. The thing I’m talking about.”

Ooooooohhhhhhhhh…got it. A first I had no idea what you were talking about, but standing in front of it with all the wind and stuff really helped. I’m still a little confused though, any chance you could show me stock footage of people traveling?

There we go! It’s all so clear now! Can’t wait to hear more tonight at 10.

via Yahoo! Travel

Some random site that reported that Mars (the candy company) said that St. Louis is the 6th manliest city, so it must be true. Web sites just don’t make things up for links you know?! …also did we mention that there is a secret Air Force base under the Edward Jones Done? The entrance is in the gift shop where no one would think to look.

Via the “Top 50 Manliest Cities” study, COMBOS® – the hearty, pretzel and cracker snack made with real cheese – examines what makes a city manly and ranks 50 major metropolitan areas using criteria such as number of professional sports teams, popularity of power tools and frequency of monster truck rallies. Cities also lose ranking points for emasculating characteristics like the abundance of home furnishing stores, high minivan sales and subscription rates to beauty magazines.

St. Louis was only topped by, in descending order: Nashville, Charlotte, Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, and Denver.

Other notable placements were Phoenix at #22, New Orleans at #27, Las Vegas at #28, Boston at #38, Chicago at #46 and New York coming in at the bottom-feeding, no-chest-hair-having #50.

So ladies from other parts of the country…look at your home town…now back to St. Louis…now back to your home town…now back here. The Arch is now diamonds. I’m on a Clydesdale.

via Best Places.net

Begin press release:

To: Everyone

Re: St. Louis ranking #1 in something

According to a recent study by Punching Kitty.com, St. Louis has come out on top, over all the major US metro areas, as the best city for…um…this crazy thing…it’s not really important.

“After pouring through all the data we have concluded that St. Louis finally has a study to hang it’s hat on as it came in the clear number 1 beating out San Francisco, CA, New York City, NY and Bald Knob, AR” said editor Mike Flynn. The list of factors that went in to the decision included:

- Number of times you get asked for money during the day (bonus points if its the same person multiple times.)

- Percentage of unused parks.

- Overall coverage of kids that are maybe eleven but still totally intimidate you when walking past them in the street.

- Chances of actually getting the cab you called and reserved.

- Ratio of actual and ironic mullets in the metro area.

- Number of BBQ places that people review as “It’s ok.”

- The dart test.

- Overall count of women in clubs that look ok until the light glints off that snaggletooth and then you go “Eh.” and hook up anyway.

Those are just a small sample of the thing taken in to account and actually, there were tons of factors that went in to this decision, but in the end St. Louis came out on top. Other notables in the list of 100 were Portland, OR coming in at 7, Las Vegas, NV sliding in at 11, Boise, ID at 34, Kansas City at 76 and Chicago at 99.

Dead last went to Detroit, MI as is required by the recently passed “All Lists Must End with Detroit, MI” law that went in to effect after Detroit collectively crapped itself and then rolled over and slept in it back in 2008.

So yet another study says it sucks to live in St. Louis. Out of 67 cities, St. Louis came in 40th under the vague ”Quality of Life” category.

The study compared the performances of America’s 67 biggest metropolitan areas in 20 statistical categories. The highest scores went to well-rounded markets with healthy economies, moderate costs of living, light traffic, impressive housing stocks and high-powered educational systems. [...]

The St. Louis area’s lowest rankings, each at No. 57 in their categories, came for its percentage of workers who walk to work or work from home at 5.1 percent; and self-employment, at 8.4 percent.

The city ranked 56th for its percentage of younger adults, ages 25-44, at 26.5 percent.

Ok, we get it. Hello! Everyone that does these little click-bait “studies”!? We get it! We’re cool. We know things aren’t always great here in St. Louis, but we really don’t need you asking four of your friends to order the cities they’ve been to in order of “awesomeness” and then post that to your site but just change “awesomeness” to something that sounds better like “Quality of Life” or “Happiness Quotient”.

Look at those shit reasons we got marked down in this one above. We got killed on the fact that not many of us work from home or walk to work?! What the hell is that? Maybe people like to drive to work. Maybe its the one time in the day they get peace and quiet and maybe that makes their lives a little better. Maybe they sit in that car every morning and night and think…

“Ah. Its nice to sit here and listen to horrible talk radio for 40 minutes before I get home and have to start pretending to like my kid. Did you know he plays badminton at school? Who the hell plays badminton…and what school would waste money on that? Probably going to have meatloaf tonight again…ugh! Be cool. Don’t waste this time in the car. Focus on your true love: pretending to be an asian school girl on Second Life.”

See that guy enjoys his time in the car!

It can’t be more clear at this point that you can twist one of these bullshit lists to in any direction you want and it’s high time St. Louis twists a study or two in our direction!

To be continued!

via St. Louis Business Journal