Erik McBee is a 15 year-old from Phoenix who was trying fly to see his grandparents in Tulsa, which is such a cute little story, until you find out that this kid slept through the part when he was supposed to get off the damn plane, and ended up in St. Louis. He then proceeded to leave the airport, wander around until some lady drove him to the Florissant Police Station where is was placed back on a flight to Phoenix.

That’s just the quick version though. The long version has lots of awesome details like when the kid does some really stupid stuff, then gets caught totally lying, and finally fights a dragon with a magic dagger, only to find out that the dagger wasn’t magic. The magic was in him all along! (…at the end there we felt like a story about a dumb ass wandering around St. Louis was getting kinda boring so we Hollywood-ed it up for you at the end. We also considered adding an animated talking crackhead voiced by Eddie Murphy.)

Erik McBee, 15, of the Phoenix area, was traveling to Tulsa, Okla., on a Southwest Airlines flight on Dec. 28. He told KPHO-TV in Phoenix that he overslept and wound up in St. Louis.

He and his mother told the TV station that Erik told his story to a Lambert-St. Louis International Airport security guard, but the guard said he couldn’t help.

Wow. What a horrible person that security guard must be to ignore the plea of a confused and sleepy young man just trying to visit his grandparents! We should consult the security camera tape to find this jerk and tell him…

But Lambert spokesman Jeff Lea told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that video surveillance shows Erik leaving the airport terminal, but does not show him seeking help.

“It doesn’t appear that he asked for any assistance before leaving the building,” Lea said.

…that he doesn’t exist.

So little Erik gets off the plane in St. Louis, and promptly wanders out of the terminal and in to St. Louis. Actually, not just St. Louis, but the lovely area around the airport where the neon lights of a pancake house and the Hustler store welcome you from across the interstate! Ok, maybe, just maybe, the kid walked off the plane and through the terminal not realizing he wasn’t in Tulsa, but one would think all the stuff that says “St. Louis” or the constant “Welcome to St. Louis’ Lamber International Airport” should have been pretty solid clues.

Erik said he spent his 24 hours in the St. Louis area without money or a cellphone. He was able to call 911 to ask for help.

“(They said) they’re not a taxi service and hung up,” he told the TV station.

Erik’s mother, Keena McBee, told KPHO her son went to a police station, but no one was there. It wasn’t clear which station that was. She said he was eventually able to get a stranger to help him.

What?! 911 told the kid to screw off and he found a police station without anyone in it?! Come on none of this adds up at all! …wait, no. That actually makes a lot of sense. Have any of you actually tried to call 911 or go in a police station recently to make sure they’re real? This is like finding out Bruce Willis was a ghost in The Sixth Sense.  It at first you were all “No way!” but then you thought about it for a second and you felt all dumb you never realized that all the clues where there all along, but instead of clues like Willis’ finance not noticing him, it was that time you got raped last month taking out the trash.

via KMOV and KPHO

Police are investigating a pair of bones that were discovered on land owned by Lambert Airport, it is not known if the bones are human or just, boringly, animal.

The bones were found in a vacant field near Scudder and Mable Avenue. The property is in Kinloch but is owned by Lambert Airport.

A St. Louis City official said the airport hired a contractor to clean up the lot because it had been used as an illegal dumping ground.

A worker made the discovery.

The bones, which you know we both want to be human because what a waste of time reading about this would be if they just belonged to some big family dog, are being inspected by the St. Louis County Police, but it is unknown how long the investigation will take. We aren’t sure who the bones belong to, but even still Tony LaRussa has said he can help the club with his veteran presence, and the pile of bones will be installed in right field shortly after Lance Berkman’s first major injury of the season.

…of course maybe we are looking at this the wrong way. Did someone did there, or have so many people left Kinloch, MO that the earth is trying to create people itself? A city of dirt people where everyone seems dirty and not fully developed…oh wait…we’re thinking of Pacific, MO.

LOL, JK Pacific! We love you, and your major export of meth keeps our area youth from graduating high school and operating our Six Flags rides for years to come!

via Fox2

(Featured Image Explained: The post is about bones…there’s a show called Bones…it has that chick on it…who looks weird and creeps us out…so we posted up her hot sister Zooey Deschanel)

No injuries to people or planes, but yesterday one taxing plane bumped in to another on the tarmac.

Hamm-Niebrugge says a Philadelphia-bound Embraer was preparing to de-ice when the second plane, an Airbus about to fly to Charlotte, N.C., pulled up and clipped the horizontal bar in the tail area of the Embraer.

It’s being called a “minor” collision by airport authorities, but they have pulled both planes back for inspection. After all, if you have to giant heavy object slamming in to each other, rarely does anything good come out of it. Take for instance the show Roseanne. Roseanne Barr paired with John Goodman?! TV sitcoms are supposed to take me away to a fun pseudo-reality land, not transport me to the Troy, MO Wal-Mart so I can watch a giant fat couple literally sweat out the decision on how many double-stuff Oreo packages they should buy to wait out the snow storm. Roseanne was a horrible show. The most fat and unfunny thing we’d seen since the first time we saw Roseanne Barr.

“Oh jesus. Yet another off-topic rant. Get to the point!”

The point is Megan Fox was walking around in a bikini the other day and we’re sitting here freezing our asses off not having sex with her!

Also, something about planes.

via KMOV

Penny Moroney was going through security to get on her flight back home to Chicago when the her artificial knee set off the metal detector. The TSA staff on duty gave her two choices: Stay in St. Louis (and probably get shot or robbed) or take part in the new “invasive” pat down.

Her gloved hands touched my breasts…went between them.

Woah.

Then she went into the top of my slacks,

Mmmm. Ok, ok. Slow down now, there’s no need to rush.

…inserted her hands between my underwear and my skin

Nice. Nice. *pours a glass of wine* Go on.

…then put her hands up on outside of slacks, and patted my genitals.

Weird ending, but nice. Was it good for you Penny?

“I was shaking and crying when I left that room” Moroney says.  “Under any other circumstance, if a person touched me like that without my permission, it would be considered criminal sexual assault.”

It’s ok, we always cry at the end too. We’ve been told it’s normal.

When asked for a comment the TSA said “Security is our priority and besides, it’s her fault for having a fake knee, wanting to fly and probably being a terrorist that keeps bombs between her boobs. You’ve won this round Penny, but one of these times we’ll pat your snizz and find the bomb you put there. What then?”

Ok, that was a fake comment, but it out of all the joke comments we’ve done it easily had the best chance of being real with these TSA nuts.

via KMOV

Next spring, Lambert Airport will install two art pieces in both the A and C concourses consisting of a series of glass panels. Here’s hoping some pink glass will make you smile after you just refused the invasive naked scanners and were thusly molested by a short sweaty fat guy with an attitude in a uniform two times too small.

“The nine art glass screens will make a bold statement and have a very strong visual presence,” McGuire said.

These nine pieces of colored glass are not to be confused with the two-way mirrors in the office where they take you to be detained because you wouldn’t take your socks off or let a TSA officer frisk your 3-year-old child.

Now that we mention it, the security checkpoints is probably where they should be putting the most art. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could just look over at a mural of clouds, rolling green hills and people flying happily to their destination, taking your mind off the winged metal tube full of rape victims you’ll be swished in to with no food or drink for the next two hours while the only movie choice is Daddy Day Camp.

via STLToday

#1 New York (JFK, LaGuarida, Newark)

#2 Los Angeles

#3 St. Louis

#4 Washington D.C.

#5 Boston

Those are the five worst airports in these United States, as voted on by the readers of “Travel and Leisure”.  Hey, at least its not about crime this time!

Maybe folks just miss TWA: its old home, Lambert-St. Louis International Airport, is dreary to AFC readers on a number of fronts. It ranks last for its airline clubs—you’ll find only one American Admirals Club—and its food and shopping rank 28th and 29th, respectively. Plus, you’ll pay $8 for WiFi.

Can’t argue with most of that. The food does indeed suck and any airport that charges for WiFi access should be taken out back and shot, and we know all too well about the craptasticness of the shopping at Lambert (JoeSportsFan Figures Out Airport Shops Suck Balls).

The good news is that if you are from St. Louis you are probably saying “Eh, its not that bad.” because you have the luxury of never having to be trapped in it, while many people outside of St. Louis don’t even know what Lambert is like because nothing flies through here ever any more. We hear Delta is thinking about just taking Labert out of the equation totally, making St. Louis visitors just jump out of the plane instead of choosing to actually stop here. Granted, that’s Delta where most would rather just jump out anyway instead of being treated to the free, and mandatory, anal rapping service Delta gives out these days when traveling with them.

Ah crap. We told you this news but we weren’t standing in front of Lambert when we did it. Is that OK? Did you still understand it? We know that apparently most TV news thinks your so stupid you can’t get it unless you are told news about something that they are standing right in front of. *cough* KMOV *cough*

“Lambert Airport was rated the third worst airport. This is an airport behind me…actually its Lambert Airport. The thing I’m talking about.”

Ooooooohhhhhhhhh…got it. A first I had no idea what you were talking about, but standing in front of it with all the wind and stuff really helped. I’m still a little confused though, any chance you could show me stock footage of people traveling?

There we go! It’s all so clear now! Can’t wait to hear more tonight at 10.

via Yahoo! Travel