The big talk out in western St. Charles County for the last few months has been the goings on of this really big ass house that was constructed in Lake St. Louis. Not exactly a lot going on out there apparently.

Created by the owner of the now defunct US Fidelis, who made craploads of money by selling extended auto-service contracts before getting panned for shoddy service and are now bankrupt, the 20,752-square-foot mansion was described on the listing thusly…

This European inspired mansion has an array of handpicked, imported materials and unique finishes from exquisite walnut and marble to spectacular molding details and natural finishes throughout. Features music room, turret room, movie theater, indoor bowling alley, 8,000 sq ft outdoor entertaining area, safe room, second living quarters, study, billiard room, art studio, spa-retreat, playroom, exercise room, eight car garage, and porte cochere. Majestic floor plan of 40,000 square feet for living and entertaining in the grand style of the Newport cottages.

The “house” has been valued as high as $26 Million dollars and yet sold for $4.75 Million to an anonymous bidder just the other day. But who is this mystery bidder?! We don’t care, but we also have things to do. Others cared a lot and figured out that it was none other than mega St. Louis celebrity Harold Lewis.

We know what you’re thinking: Never heard of him, so it must be a Blues player.

Not quite, but he is sports-related. Harold Lewis is the president of the St. Louis based National Sports Agency who’s clients include NFL players like the New York Jets’ Bart Scott, Philadelphia Eagles’ Ellis Hobbs, St. Louis Rams David Vobora and Jason Brown. In his younger days, Lewis was drafted by the New York Mets in 1978 and more recently appeared on the 2005 SpikeTV reality show “Super Agent” where…

In each episode the sports agents were given assignments that allowed them to demonstrate their skills and talents as agents for Cody as he deliberated on which agent would ultimately be hired to manage his multi-million dollar American football career.

Sounds horrible.

Have fun in your new giant house St. Louis-based NFL agent Harold Lewis! You wanna know what we would do with an 8,000 square foot “entertainment” room? We don’t want to totally give it away since there’s always a chance Google might buy us, but lets just say it would involve vanilla pudding, kosher hot dogs, 14 red-headed ladies, 2 blonde chicks, Lucy Liu and a snorkel. Also we could never go in to that room again.

via STLToday

In yet another “me too” political action, another St. Louis area is moving to ban smoking.

City leaders could ban smoking in Lake St. Louis.

The aldermen could vote on a proposed ban this evening.

If a ban passes, Lake St. Louis would be the first city in St. Charles County to be smoke free.

Well there’s something to hang your hat on.  No more smoking in all the fine Lake St. Louis establishments like…Schnucks…or…um….Denny’s.  Wait a minute I see what’s going on here…there isn’t any real need to ban smoking in Lake St. Louis!  This must all be a distraction to what they are really banning!  We did a little research and if you actually really the whole ban you can see what’s really going down out there somewhere in the haze of look-a-like homes known as “West of 270 County”:

Lake St. Louis will create a public ban on SMOKING…and also the following:

• Mexicans (seriously)
• Teenagers
• Anyone wearing a bandana
• Any non-pontoon boat related fun.
• References to Lake of the Ozarks.
• People named Jamal.
• Loud music
• Ironic tshirts
• Punching Kitty.com

Lake St. Louis might have won this round, but chewing tabacco has never been more powerful.

Update: It passed.

In America we like things nice and easy. We like our cheese pressurized, our lights clappable, and we want a really easy way to report any person we might think is an illegal immigrant on a whim.

Thank the City Council of Lake St. Louis, Missouri who’s roster is not to be confused with Senator McCarthy’s pose back in the day, (but we will excuse you if you did) for taking the step to make a system to identify and report illegal immigrants easier. You know, so you can do it without having to get off your pontoon boat.

The bill was sponsored by Alderman Harry Slyman, who says he was confronted with the issue of illegal immgrants working on a project he was involved in. Slyman, who is known for once running a string of appliance stores, says there was no mechanism to report the issue.

Well finally! I’ve always wanted a quicker way to get at the poor bastard raking leaves for $0.25 an hour, but you know I was just too damn hard to pick up the phone! Thank you Harry Slyman. You are a truly great American.

Slyman plans to had out small dongles that the Lake St. Louis residents to hook to their magnetic copper bracelet next to your Medialert badge. This way if you see a troubling young punk riding his bike down the street, so someone mowing a law that you don’t know, you can quickly grab your “Mex-alert” badge and let the authorities know…and if you fell in the process, you can have them help you up too.

…oh wait. That was just the neighbor kid with a tan. Better safe than sorry!

via KSDK

You know how sometimes you catch a glimpse of something and you are all like “Oh hells yeah!  Where’s a change machine, I need me some singles…did these pants just get tight?” but then you read more and you hear this little drooping sound from your crotch?

That just happened when I saw a news post for a “Parade of Pink”…its what what you think…its way way gayer.

Members of the Wentville Firefighters Community Outreach will host a 7k run, a 1-mile walk and 1:30 p.m. “Parade of Pink.”

A pink firetruck will stop in Lake Saint Louis and Wentzville next month as part of a nationwide fund-raising tour for breast cancer research.

[The] fund-raising festival that will include a barbecue, a beer garden, events for children, a “pink pet” parade, raffles, a balloon launch and t-shirt sales.

I can never get my mind around how something so overtly gay that it includes a pink firetruck but can still be about boobs.

I should also mention that Punching Kitty headquarters has always offered free breast exams if you are hot…we’ll also grab your but if you think you might have cute ass cancer.

More info at Chas Beat and Pink Heals News

We are of a city-loving sort here at Punching Kitty, but we didn’t spend our formative years in the city, and our mother never lets us forget it.

It gets a little harder to brush off your mom’s pro-county arguments when her very own town and the place you grew up grabs the number 9 spot on CNN’s list of the top places to live in America.

Sigh.

Created 40 years ago as a resort community, this friendly town outside St. Louis has two man-made lakes, plus five parks, three golf courses, and a 650-horse equestrian center. But the place was soon colonized by full-time residents with children, drawn by the myriad activities and low crime.

Lake St. Louis has two main flaws. First, in order to enjoy all the town’s perks, including a clubhouse with swimming pool and tennis courts, you must join the Community Association (annual dues: $450 per family)–and the 20% of residents who live outside the association’s boundaries aren’t eligible.

Second, Lake St. Louis is one town over from a General Motors plant that will complete layoffs of nearly half its 1,800 workers this month. That’s not good news, since the jobless rate is already on the high side. How ever, thanks in part to lots of health-care employers here, strong job growth is projected over the next five years.

Lake St. Louis isn’t the only Missouri town on the list though, Ellisville, Jackson and Liberty came in at 25, 59 and 29 respectively.

If you were wondering, St. Louis city came in just above East St. Louis and Detroit and just below “the crack of a fat man’s ass in the middle of the summer.”

We had the opportunity to head out across the bridge and to Lake St. Louis to this year’s Polar Bear Plunge.  It was far more packed with people than we thought, so we just had to snap off a few pictures:

Way to be everything people on the coasts thing Middle America is!

Were you there?  Do you have any photos that either support or (hopefully) refute my conclusion?  Send them our way: photos[at]punchingkitty[dot]com or drop a link to your gallery in the comments.

Oh I guess I should mention this was all for Special Olympics, which is why I didn’t jump.  I say throw the Special kids in there with the other athletes.  Of course, they’ll get killed, but at least we won’t be expected to watch a second olympics.