Could retired Arizona Cardinals quarterback and St. Louis demi-god, Kurt Warner, is rumored to be in the next set of has-beens/trying-to-bes on the ABC show Dancing With the Stars.

Kurt Warner, formerly of Arizona and St. Louis, who is reportedly under consideration for the fall season of DWTS. So reports Lisa de Moraes, the Washington Post’s television columnist from the annual summer critics tour.

While DWTS has previously hosted running backs (Emmitt Smith), wide receivers (Jerry Rice) and defensive linemen (Warren Sapp) , Warner would be the first quarterback to be a contestant on the show.

This news is of course just a big giant, gift wrapped, wet dream to the St. Louis Warner faithful and of course KDNL (ABC 30) who gets a ratings windfall by showing Kurt Warner dancing like a moron with some hot chick that he will undoubtedly require a balloon to be in-between them while dancing to prohibit any un-pure “reactions”.

Prediction: Warner will lose, but frankly that’s the way to go. Show up, do a few moves and get the hell out of there before whatever happened to NFL legend Jerry Rice happens to you:

via Fanhouse

OMG! Kurt Warner iz such a gr8 writer. Hs prose jst sEm 2 croS boundaries. LOL. JK. IDK. wutevA.

Here’s some examples:

Anybody out there no where my IPAD is? Bec, of the 8ppl in this house, of corse no 1 has seen it or played w it all day! Must b my imposter! #

Drove past car w/ sticker “boobs r power”, my life suddenly started 2 make sense & y I have always felt powerless! Darn it! #

At a bakery waiting 4 dinner & all the sweets r tellin me 2 take them home 4 late-nite snack! Should I cheat on my cereal? #

Brain damage is a serious problem in the NFL…clearly.

More @ Kurt’s Twitter page

We’ve given Kurt Warner a hard time in the past and we still don’t fully understand the people that are so wrapped up in Warner-love that they seemingly forget about just how bad he was at the end of his Rams’ career.  However, Kurt Warner is seemingly a great guy that has had a great career (though not hall of fame worthy) and made the rarely seen choice to end it on top.  Sure he got rocked repeatedly and got whooped by the Saints, but Warner was a solid quarterback this year on a good team.

Don’t be sad though St. Louis, we have no doubt Kurt will be all over the place sooner rather than later. He’ll be on Fox Sports or NFL Network chatting it up, or maybe even have his own late-night tent church program!  We’re hoping at some point he’ll even end up riding shotgun on Becky Queen of Tile’s magic carpet.

But the best thing about Warner retiring?  We don’t have to hear the Hy-Vee stockboy story anymore!

Here’s the ESPN story.

We’ll talk about this on Monday.

I don’t care if you don’t like football.  If you missed Kurt Warner getting rocked on Saturday in his playoff loss to the Saints, then you missed one of the year’s biggest hits.

Let’s see…do I have video of this…oh!  I sure do.  Bam:

After being awaken from that blow Warner he apparently thought he was a spy for the Saints in the third quarter and then after being taken out in the fourth he briefly thought he was Ming Li, a Vietimese prostitute.  It sounds weird, but I heard he really helped the team lift…ahem…their spirits after the tough loss.

But, will he retire?

“A big hit like that makes you think twice about playing this game,” Warner said lightly.

Warner said he plans to get away for a while and talk over his future with wife Brenda. He has one year remaining on his contract.

“I don’t think it will be a long and drawn-out process,” Warner said. “I think it’s something I will discuss with my family and inform the organization about what I plan to do as soon as I have time to think about it.”

Some of the ESPN “insiders” say that sources close to Warner say he will definitely retire this off season, while others later on in Sportscenter say he has one more year in him.  You see, that’s why you can never win against ESPN.  They are always right!  Their plan is perfect!  Take that Fox Sports!

Quote via ESPN

…I’m assuming.

I mean, its a safe bet right?  Look at the history:

1. Kurt does well but then after repeated beatings from a crappy offensive line, he play and health deteriorates to a point that St. Louis is forced to go with Marc Bulger.

2. St. Louis’s Overbearing Christians think the Rams and the people that support their decision hate Kurt not for this shoddy play, but because people hate his faith.

3. Years later: Kurt does well all year and then in the Super Bowl he lays an egg.  His throws were off all night, laying out his recievers all night with high passes.

4. Refs hate Christians.

Related: St. Louis Loves Kurt Warner

Two things are clear from that graphic above: 1. My photoshop skills are l33t.  2. St. Louis’ collective love for Kurt Warner hasn’t been this high since…well since he took our football team to the Super Bowl.

But why do we collectively love this guy so much?  If you have been around St. Louis for a while now you are saying “What?!   Kurt Warner is like if Jesus knew karate!  He’s just too amazing to understand!”  Well, what if you are new to St. Louis, or you are a google searching putting up his feet on our little cyber dive-bar here for a quick drink in the desert that is the internet?  Kurt left town 7 or 8 years ago people!  Everyone could use a refresher course!  So let PunchingKitty.com count the reasons…

Why St. Louis Loves Kurt Warner

1. He’s a good football player.

2. He poops vitamins that he gives to under-nourished youth.

3. His mere existence gives Kevin Slaten something to talk about.

4. He transmits his thoughts to my dreams and tells me to kill people and light fires.

5. He might be the second coming of Jesus.  Of course, if he is, he’s holding off the last judgement until after the Pro Bowl.  You have 2 weeks sinners!

6. One time when he was with the Giants he was on the other team’s 23 yard line with 8 to go on the third down, and he fired a pass up the middle but it was too high and the receiver couldn’t get to it.  It would appear that Kurt failed, but really there was a snake about to bite a small child in the first row behind the end zone and Kurt hit the snake on the head with his pass saving the kid.  The snake was stunned but unharmed and returned to the wilderness after the game.

7. Kurt’s hugs cure the common cold.   Though apparently not down syndrome.

8. He reads all your crazy Letters to the Editor about him you send to the Post Dispatch.

9. He has a good Christian hair cut.

10. When he touches me, its never a bad touch.

Do you have any you want to add?  Toss them in the comments or hit us up on Twitter (Remember to put #pktip so it shows up on the front page!)