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kurt warner

Sports

St. Louis’ Sports Jesus Says Denver’s Sports Jesus Should Stop Talking About Regular Jesus So Much


Posted by The Editor on 01 Dec 2011 /
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That headline is legit! We swear to G…eh. Better not do that in this post. Seriously though, Kurt Warner took some time the other day to tell Tim Tebow, he who’s name in verb form means a quick post-game prayer in the middle of the freaking field or any other random place (Tebowing.com), to give it a rest with the God talk.

“You can’t help but cheer for a guy like that,” Warner said of Tebow. “But I’d tell him, ‘Put down the boldness in regards to the words, and keep living the way you’re living. Let your teammates do the talking for you. Let them cheer on your testimony.”

“I don’t want anybody to become calloused toward Tim because they don’t understand him, or are not fully aware of who he is. And you’re starting to see that a little bit.”

No one tells Tim Tebow to stop talkin’ god! Unless…Oh snap. Kurt Warner is clearly the quarterback on Team Satan now, meaning he’ll soon be saying dirty words like “evolution” and dancing like one of those homosexuals!

That was a joke at first, but now it makes a lot of sense. How else could you explain the sudden upgrade in attractiveness with Brenda a few years back?

via Off The Bench


Sports

Kurt Warner Turns Judas to Rams Fan Acolytes


Posted by The Editor on 30 Nov 2010 /
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Kurt Warner won a Super Bowl for the Rams and a probable Disney movie with his ultimate St. Louis scrappy life story. We don’t remember all the details since no one mentioned it much…pretty sure it had something to do with stocking shelves at HyVee, football and praying to Jesus/Cthulhu that Trent Green would get hurt (totally worked!). Eh. Not important. The important thing is that he is a Rams legend and not matter how many random stops he did along down the final path to retirement, he will always be a Ram. Right Kurt?!

You son of a bitch (LOL). It’s cool. Whatever. The Rams only gave you your first shot and put you behind a offense with Marshall Faulk and a pair of great wide outs. Sure we “sent you packing”, but dude…seriously now…you weren’t any good. You needed a few years to get over getting “Martzed” in the backfield all the time, we had to move on. Sure you got to a Super Bowl with the Cardinals and the warm southwestern air transformed your wife back in to a woman again, but what else did they do for you Kurt?! Did they worship you with countless old faded Warner 13 jerseys packing the Dome each Sunday? Did Arizona give you a Kevin Slaten, your personal radio knob-slobberer? No, it doesn’t matter that no one remembers he still has a show, it’s not important, what is important that we love you Kurt!

WWJD Kurt? We’ll tell you what he’d do. He’d still be a Ram at heart. He wasn’t all like:

Think about that Kurt. Think about that hard. You just made Kevin Slaten cry. Are you happy now?!

Look for the “who does he love more” contest during the Rams vs Cardinals game this Sunday that Warner is providing the color commentary on.


Going Out

Kurt Warner a Possible Dancing With the Stars Entrant?


Posted by The Editor on 04 Aug 2010 /
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Could retired Arizona Cardinals quarterback and St. Louis demi-god, Kurt Warner, is rumored to be in the next set of has-beens/trying-to-bes on the ABC show Dancing With the Stars.

Kurt Warner, formerly of Arizona and St. Louis, who is reportedly under consideration for the fall season of DWTS. So reports Lisa de Moraes, the Washington Post’s television columnist from the annual summer critics tour.

While DWTS has previously hosted running backs (Emmitt Smith), wide receivers (Jerry Rice) and defensive linemen (Warren Sapp) , Warner would be the first quarterback to be a contestant on the show.

This news is of course just a big giant, gift wrapped, wet dream to the St. Louis Warner faithful and of course KDNL (ABC 30) who gets a ratings windfall by showing Kurt Warner dancing like a moron with some hot chick that he will undoubtedly require a balloon to be in-between them while dancing to prohibit any un-pure “reactions”.

Prediction: Warner will lose, but frankly that’s the way to go. Show up, do a few moves and get the hell out of there before whatever happened to NFL legend Jerry Rice happens to you:

via Fanhouse


Media

Kurt Warner Tweets Like an 11 Year Old


Posted by The Editor on 12 Jul 2010 /
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OMG! Kurt Warner iz such a gr8 writer. Hs prose jst sEm 2 croS boundaries. LOL. JK. IDK. wutevA.

Here’s some examples:

Anybody out there no where my IPAD is? Bec, of the 8ppl in this house, of corse no 1 has seen it or played w it all day! Must b my imposter! #

Drove past car w/ sticker “boobs r power”, my life suddenly started 2 make sense & y I have always felt powerless! Darn it! #

At a bakery waiting 4 dinner & all the sweets r tellin me 2 take them home 4 late-nite snack! Should I cheat on my cereal? #

Brain damage is a serious problem in the NFL…clearly.

More @ Kurt’s Twitter page


Sports

Kurt Warner Walks Away From the NFL


Posted by The Editor on 01 Feb 2010 /
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We’ve given Kurt Warner a hard time in the past and we still don’t fully understand the people that are so wrapped up in Warner-love that they seemingly forget about just how bad he was at the end of his Rams’ career.  However, Kurt Warner is seemingly a great guy that has had a great career (though not hall of fame worthy) and made the rarely seen choice to end it on top.  Sure he got rocked repeatedly and got whooped by the Saints, but Warner was a solid quarterback this year on a good team.

Don’t be sad though St. Louis, we have no doubt Kurt will be all over the place sooner rather than later. He’ll be on Fox Sports or NFL Network chatting it up, or maybe even have his own late-night tent church program!  We’re hoping at some point he’ll even end up riding shotgun on Becky Queen of Tile’s magic carpet.

But the best thing about Warner retiring?  We don’t have to hear the Hy-Vee stockboy story anymore!


Sports

Kurt Warner Retires


Posted by The Editor on 29 Jan 2010 /
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Here’s the ESPN story.

We’ll talk about this on Monday.


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