So remember when we celebrated “JC Corcoran Says Pujols Will Re-Sign Today” Day? Well that whole thing is still going on. No, not the actual day, that came and went with no Pujols news. What’s still been happening is all the chatter since then which came to a head yesterday after KTRS suspended Corcoran for two weeks, as was initially reported by STLToday, but was independently confirmed with our sources as well. The official word from KTRS has been a firm “No comment.”

Lets review how we got here, and we probably don’t have to tell you that it wasn’t a failed Pujols report that turned Corcoran’s mic off. It was probably this stuff:

You can’t say that to people! What if “HueJashole” is actually 60 years older than he probably is and owns a radio other than the one in his car?! He could be a possible purchaser for whatever it is that advertises on KTRS now that the Cardinals are gone! …seriously, what is it? Polident and collectable plates with Norman Rockwell paintings on them is all we can think of.

More specifically, according to our source, the last straw was Chad Garrison’s Riverfront Times post that listed several of Corcoran’s more choice Twitter replies, which explains Corcoran’s extra little venom-dripping tweets mentioning the RFT’s “idiot logic”.

Well that’s a good point actually. While there is certain validity to the argument that Corcoran is a public figure on a medium based on specific advertiser deals (read: not generic Google ads) and as such he should be keeping his, we’ll just say it, horribly lame insults to himself…but on the other hand, if someone’s being a douche, we’re certainly not going to get on your case for calling them out. Lets investigate by doing exactly what Corcoran suggests: Showing the whole conversation instead of just Corcoran’s reply.

Conversation #1:

First conversation out of the gate and it’s if anyone’s the douchebag in this conversation, it’s JC. First off, JC’s original tweet that starts this off is wrong. Dead wrong, and there’s no other way to see it. The source wasn’t “correct” since there was no deal announced on that fateful Friday. It seems more and more likely that Pujols will return, but Corcoran’s claim was that Pujols’ re-signing would be announced on Friday, and it wasn’t. tkooner makes a snide, but harmless remark and somehow that earns a “blow yourself”?

Corcoran falls behind early in the match!

Douche Tally: “Everyone”  - 0, “JC Corcoran”: 1

Conversation #2:

…but it appears the score might be tied soon as Cardsfan47 comes out of the gate a little strong. We agree that Corcoran threw some shit at the wall and was probably a little surprised by getting burned by the MLB Hot Stove, but jesus dude it’s not like he took a shit on your dog. Anyway, Cardsfan47 starts off with a “fucking #moron” (nice selective use of hash tags) and then JC returns volley with his standard retort…but here’s where things get interesting. Cardsfan47 turns JC’s “blow yourself” command on it’s head by asking Corcoran to do the deed if in fact he is wrong, which is kinda funny…but then undermines it all with a homophobic joke with added homophobic hashtag because that’s the kind of thing you really want to be easily searched for later on.

Deuce!

Douche Tally: “Everyone”  - 1, “JC Corcoran”: 1

Conversation #3:

Lastly, we have conversation #3 where stlcards314 is doing what lots of people do and arguably what Twitter was made for: bitching about stuff he doesn’t agree with. Once again, Corcoran, no matter what happens tomorrow, the next day or any other time, was wrong in his initial attention grab of a tweet and while he certainly got the attention he knew it would get, having people call you stupid is the price. Seems pretty fair. Corcoran must have pressed the “Dick Move on Twitter Easy Button” as here we go again with the douche-calling and the self-blowing so we’re going to have to give Corcoran another point…but wait! stlcards314 evens the score with the most out of left field insults to date: “How’s the ass raping gang bang of your mother going?” Well, that’s one direction we guess, but an ironic “yo mama” joke may have been a better play…actually lots of stuff would have been a better play. Frankly this is just sad all around as both of these guys let someone they don’t know over Twitter get under their skin over when some latino guys going to come back to town.

Douche Tally: “Everyone”  - 2, “JC Corcoran”: 2

In the end the score was technically tied, but Corcoran is clearly the loser. While it’s a free country stlcards314, cardsfan47, tkooner and yes, even punchingkitty can make fun of stljccorcoran all we want on Twitter because we aren’t being paid by advertisers, sure he’s getting some press (lead story on “some local news channel”!) it won’t translate to much of anything in the long run. Frankly the “media” just isn’t as untouchable as they have been in the past (see Matt Sebek’s excellent article for more thoughts on this) and guys like JC have gotten really used to being “A guy on the radio!!!!”, but haven’t noticed they are now they are just “A guy on the radio.” It’s just not special any more…hell, head on down to KFNS where Crazy Dave Greene is running a sale on air time! Just ask and agree to work for free and you too can be “A guy on the radio.”

So what does all this mean for the mid-day shift at the Big 550? Our source says Smash will be taking over the time slot keeping the seat warm for Corcoran, but we’re not sure if that includes any extra-circular self-fellatio advice dispensing. It’s still unclear at this time if Smash will be alone or if Corcoran’s side kick, St. Louis radio mainstay, Trish Gazall will be on the air during Corcoran’s absence.

From JC and the Punching Kitty family to yours, go blow yourself you douche bag and happy holidays!

[Editor's Note: Here's the blanked out version of JC holding the sign for you Photoshoppers. If you use it, share your creation with us! @punchingkitty]

Update: So it’s now officially Saturday and Pujols is still a free agent. Not because Corcoran was wrong of course, it was probably because this thing, this other thing and what’s his face did that stuff they were thinking about doing and that pushed the whatever back a few whatevers until it’s all ready. Then he’ll be right. You’ll see.

Original post below…

It’s Friday, and that’s a big deal for another reason other than the fact you get to wear a knit shirt and chinos to work and spring for the beer at TGIFridays during lunch. It’s also the day the 550AM mid-day talker JC Corcoran says Albert Pujols will announce that he’s resigning with the Cardinals! It must be true too, because it was on the radio, and the radio has never lied to anyone ever.

That was the tweet that Corcoran threw out there Wednesday, setting St. Louis ablaze with excitement and freaked out phone calls by the sports media to see if they were really scooped by Corcoran. Unsurprisingly, the baseball scribes say Corcoran’s blowing smoke.

…Corcoran came to his own defense via his Facebook page (What a saint, spreading that social media link juice around!) late Wednesday night:

For the record, my story about Albert’s intent to re-sign with the Cardinals is not…I repeat…is not a “stunt.” Frankly, I don’t care how many Twitter followers or Facebook friends I have. I simply reported a story I believe to be true, based on two good sources and some additional “circumstantial” info. We got zero recognition for our reporting of Tony LaRussa’s retirement more than three weeks before the official announcement. Let’s see what happens Friday.

We will see what happens today, but if media today has proven anything it’s that throwing something out there on flimsy sources, especially in media without a clear searchable history like radio, is the way things work. Toss some shit against the wall, if you hit something you’re amazing…if you miss, make an excuse about how sources aren’t always right but you still “…really trust this source. Maybe something broke down over the last few days that no one saw coming.” and quickly move on to the next thing. It’s a clear pattern, which is why we wanted to make sure we remember this day and see how Corcoran does in his prognostications. If he nails it, he gets the attention he deserves, and if he misses…well he deserves that attention as well. 550AM sure doesn’t care. They just want any kind of attention you’ll give them.

As for us, we clearly need to get in to this business about throwing stuff out there to see if it sticks! Here are a few things the voices in our head our sources have told us to tell you:

1. That Twilight movie is going to suck crazy hard.

2. There’s a guy living in your basement. He doesn’t seem overly violent, but he sure does have a lot of knives for one guy. He must be a collector.

3. The Jackson 5 will play a reunion tour in the next five years with dancing robots in place of Michael and Tito Jackson, because one is dead and the other is horrible.

4. Three girls that are seemingly unconnected other than the fact that we had an unrequited crush on each of them will get a mailbox full of that stuff you spray in to basement cracks that expands to 10 times it’s size in 30 minutes.

5. Pujols will still be a free agent on Saturday.

KTRS’s  (550 AM) McGraw Milhaven and KMOX’s (1120AM) Charlie Brennan both called the Riverfront Times to complain about each other in this month’s edition of “Irrelevant Radio People That Think Anyone Gives a Shit About Their Stupid Arguments Over Who Gets What Guest First.”

As usual, lets have Mr. Blockquote fill you in on the details we didn’t actually acquire ourselves.

Mr. Blockquote: Ugh do I have too? This story is lame!

…um maybe just do what I ask and not talk back Blockquote…

Mr. Blockquote: Ok, fine! Radio guy #1 (Milhaven) wanted to book someone on his show, but then radio guy #2 (Brennan) got him first and then guy #1 called the RFT or something to bitch about how guy #1 always gets these guests first which I guess he was thinking nit was going to make people think guy #2 was a jerk, but it actually just makes guy #1 look like a whiny guy that can’t get the guests he wants. Oh and then guy #2 dropps that he’s bitter about not getting invited to do guy #1′s defunct local cable show.

…um, dude? That’s note really a quote, it’s just you horribly and aggressively summarizing the story.

Mr. Blockquote: That’s all your getting.

Ok, frankly we don’t blame you, but we felt like we had to mention the story anyway.

If you’re one of the people interested in the full story, check it out at the Riverfront Times and then remember Matlock reruns come on UPN at 3:30pm (just before dinner).

Dear Radio Guys, we think both of you are pretty good on air, but neither one of you are wearing this little tiff particularly well. Now, if this is some sort of a ratings ploy, it’s an interesting idea, but we’d re-think the implementation.

A reader forwarded us an e-mail they recently got from KFNS, one of the approximately 17 sports talk stations in town, to show us how amazingly crappy their “E-Blast” is. They were right, it suucccckkksss! …but we weren’t exactly surprised and gather that the other stations in town offer more of the same, so they should all be paying attention instead of laughing at the back of the classroom while we whip out the ruler on poor KFNS.

In a word, we would describe this email as “insulting”. Insulting that they think their listeners…scratch that…their die-hard listeners that actually sign up for clubs, are stupid. They must if they are calling this exclusive content. We bet the KFNS brass also thinks they’re fooling people when one of their hosts does a live read just after they come back from a commercial break “Frank’s talking so it’s not an ad! He must just really want me to go to that tire dealer because it relates to the Cardinals somehow!” Come on. Despite the listener sample that calls in to your station to suggest we trade Holliday and Pujols for Jeter, they aren’t all that stupid.

We even went through this copy of the “E-Blast” and scratched out all the ad copy to get down to the actual “exclusive content”:

As you can see, it’s mostly ads. Ads their salespeople are running around selling you as an “engaged listener…who we have full email access to!” There is one thing that isn’t technically an ad though. It’s the box on the top left of the email…the one that’s telling you to sign up to be a KFNS Insider, which is kind of an ad…oh and also completely freaking pointless because the fact that you got this email means you already signed up for their club! Jesus. One little spot for content and you waste it on an internal ad that by definition won’t get any action because the users have already done what you’re asking them to do. It’s like sending out emails telling people to go get email accounts, or going around to the retarded folks that watch the show NCIS and asking them if you could hit them in the head repeatedly until they suffer severe enough brain damage to be labeled officially retarded and start watching NCIS. We guess you can technically be “more retarded”, which would involve also watching NCIS: Los Angeles. Ok, the latter example wasn’t great, but you get the idea.

To the people: Don’t sign up for these. You don’t get “deals”, you just get your email farmed out to any jackoff company that has a few pennies to give to [insert ration station here].

To the stations: Maybe actually deliver some exclusive content in these? …oh wait, that would mean you’d have to worry about actually making exclusive content, which really would need to come after the other content you don’t have enough of. We see your point now. It is much easier to just shove ads down the throats of suckers…er…we mean “cherished listeners”!

Friend-of-the-site, J.C. Corcoran recently found a seat behind a microphone again after nearly a year of being “on the beach,” on middays at KTRS (550 AM). However, like the conservation of mass (Physics reference boosh!), the conservation of radio jobs works os that when Corcoran came in, someone must go…that person was not-exactly-a-friend-of-the-site Charles Jaco. (Previous story) Up to speed now? Good. Well you should also know that people hate change, and so the other day J.C. got an email from a “listener” who wishes everything could have just stayed the same because new voices coming out of his truck’s dashboard scare him.

We traded Chas. Jaco for this? Really?

That’s what Floyd Brookman sent Corcoran, who like a certain gossip “blogger” you all might know, doesn’t like to leave comments of that nature untouched. The two went back and forth until Brookman sent this sick burn…

I’m intelligent enough to recognize a desperate washed up hard rock DJ when I hear one and THAT sounds like someone I know.

…which received the following response from Corcoran…

Then why do I make so much more money than you? And why is my wife hotter than the beast you have to crawl in on top of every night? And why am I a celebrity in this town and you’re some dope named ….. FLOYD? You see, dip-shit … unlike you, I have a life to get back to. So, bye-bye, sucker. You’re blocked from this point forward. I’ll never see another one of your dumb messages. FLOYD!!!! HA ha hah ha ….

Quick thoughts on this exchange:

1. Both are pretty lame.

2. Awwww…why the hate on people named Floyd?

3. Maybe Floyd makes a lot of money…but also has time to listen to day-time radio…ok, nevermind.

4. Blocking people to end a fight is a little lame, unless Floyd threatened him or something, which it doesn’t seem like he did.

5. Ok, J.C.’s right, Floyd really isn’t a very good name.

But wait! There’s more! …at least Floyd thinks so. Floyd got all his panties in a wad because of that last reply, not because he said he was poor, or made fun of his name, no he got pissy, emailing KTRS’ general manager and drumming up newspaper coverage because his wife died five months ago. He’s mad because Corcoran, who doesn’t know this guy from Adam, made fun of his wife who had recently died. What?! How was he supposed to know that?

STLToday’s Deb Peterson thinks this is newsworthy. Of course she also thinks verbatim press releases are newsworthy, so we shouldn’t be all that surprised.

Brookman said he complained to KTRS general manager Tim Dorsey and was advised to “let this go.” But Brookman said: “I wll not tolerate attempts by this self-ordained celebrity to insult me or the memory of my wife for one moment.”

Dear Floyd Brookman — For the record we think Floyd is a fine name, but you sir are a conceited moron.

This is the hate mail equivalent of the burglar that sues the home-owner for shooting him when he broke into their house. We’re sorry of course for the lose of your wife, but to think for a second that KTRS or Corcoran knows anything about you, or that a private email exchange, an exchange that you started, is considered an insult to the memory of your wife, is self-centered and stupid beyond belief. The parlance of “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’” comes to mind.

In case there was any doubt, Dorsey has confirmed that Corcoran will “absolutely not” be fired over the issue.

Hat tip to STLMedia

After a year of being off the St. Louis airwaves, friend-of-the-site J.C. Corcoran, is returning to local radio. KTRS, in the midst of a major overhaul after losing the Cardinals, has hired Corcoran to fill the mid-day 10a-1p slot. John Brown‘s show the Mindset (which we were a guest on earlier this year) has been moved back to a 1p – 3p slot.

But what of Charles Jaco? KTVI reporter, writer of accusatory emails and current KTRS radio host? Toast!

In an interview with the Riverfront Times yesterday, Jaco says he was cool with getting the same fate as such well-loved shows as “That 80′s Show” and “The Chevy Chase Show”:

Tim Dorsey [KTRS president] told me it was nothing to do with the content or opinions expressed on the show. Honestly, he seemed more upset about it than me. My support from KTRS was always outstanding, especially the help I received from my producer Austin Volker and production assistant Craig Hogard. It was as amicable as termination as possible.

So there you have it. JC Corcoran gives a nod to Punching Kitty and lands the KTRS job, John Brown has us on his show and gets to stay around. Jaco tries to bully us and he’s on the street. Indisputable proof that you should really stay on our good side or bad things will happen like losing your radio show…and other weird and gross stuff:

RFT: Can you confirm the rumor we heard about you receiving soiled condoms in the mail at KTRS?

Jaco: It happened on three occasions. But, hey, as long as they weren’t thinking of me when they made the package, it doesn’t bother me.

I think Jaco’s selling himself short there. This right here is sex personified with a little mustache drawn on it:

How could you not have that photo at least cross your mind while you are filling a box of used condoms for delivery? …I mean…what? Excuse us. We’re going to go watch some NASCAR and WD40 something.