How’s work going? Boring? Someone yell at you today about nothing? How’s your microwaved lunch taste? Not great I bet. Look out the window…oh. No window? That’s ok, its still just Missouri out there.  Let us drop this on you now: Some kid from St. Charles gets to go spend the weekend in Hawaii for the Pokemon Championship. Swish that around you head for a second.

William “Dema” Boatman, 10, is ranked No. 1 in the world among junior players of the trading card game. He’s won 82 of 93 matches this year, and along the way, he’s racked up two state championships — Missouri and Kansas — a regional championship and $2,500 in college scholarship and prize money. In Hawaii, he’ll be competing for a $7,500 scholarship and other prizes.

Sorry…old fart helpage:

The Pokémon Trading Card Game is a collectible card game with a goal similar to a Pokémon battle in the video game series. Players use Pokémon cards, with individual strengths and weaknesses, in an attempt to defeat their opponent by “knocking out” his or her Pokémon cards.

– Wikipedia

Anyway, Boatman isn’t the only little man getting his name in the news for stuff his parents will show future girlfriends that will make him want to slit his wrists. St. Louis is a hotbed of Poke-action!

Two other boys — Dale Conoyer, 10, of St. Peters, and Alex Krekeler, 9, of Maplewood, are in the junior division, too; their world rankings are 50 and 53, respectively. The others, Andrew Krekeler, 14, of Maplewood (ranked 26th worldwide), and A.J. Lester, 15, of Hazelwood (ranked 36th), will compete in the senior division.

Senior division? 15 huh? You’re in high school now right? You know that look people give you with kinda squinty eyes and a wince, that’s pity.  Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll win enough to buy a “Real Doll” be set for life.

Young kids looking to break in to the exciting world of Pokemon should be careful. The “fish fry / Poke-a-man” going on at the local Catholic church rectory isn’t exactly the same thing.  Also double check to make sure it isn’t actually taking place at your rectom-ry.

via STLToday

[Editor's Note: We don't have a "Definitely Not Sports" category, so this is going in "Weird"]

A Joplin, MO girl was tossing around a washing machine for 12 full minutes before her mother and the laundromat staff could get her out.

Authorities said Chloe Crow and her sister tried to use a washing machine at a laundromat, but after putting their money in, the machine didn’t work. Chloe climbed inside the machine, thinking it was broken.

…yup, that’s the move. Please remember to tell this girl that this is an appropriate way to check if things are working. If the oven isn’t getting warm, climbing in isn’t your best option. Also sometimes crocodiles will sit still with their mouth open, don’t climb in there because they look like they aren’t working.

The girl is fine though after 155 staples and a few more stitches later, assuming you call looking like frankenstein fine. Her mother however is now out to find someone else to blame!

Her mother said the machines should have an emergency shut down button.

Yeah, but why stop there?! Lets add a “whoops I wasn’t watching button”…it might be easier to just add a “do your damn job and watch your kids” button to her ass though.

via KMOV

From The Dirty:

THE DIRTY ARMY: My little sister pulled this up for me today, she was at this Halloween party. The fat, orange slob in the middle is Mary L*nk, proud mother of 5 but it has been said she lets her daughter’s homeless felon friends live with her as well. The more shocking part of this picture is her seven year old son in the bottom right corner. My sister mentioned that she lets them have parties so often that if the police come to their house one more time, she will get her children taken away… which may be for the better.

Nothing more fun at a party than bringing down a 7 year, handing him a drink and starting the little tyke off on the road that will no doubt lead to him giving rimjobs for booze money and then killing a fellow homeless man just so he can get an erection.  I’m sure they also hung around and got the kid to cuss and repeat sexual innuendo because there’s no higher form of comedy than that!  …well other than bunny ears. *sigh*  I hate everyone in this photo.

It not like The Dirty to usually be any kind of a moral compass, but when you’re right, you’re right.  Take this broads kids away!

Also, someone tell the girl in the front left that Halloween is when you should get dressed up and look hot.  Borrowing your brother’s referee shirt with that smile of yours makes you look like you just escaped from a special school.

According to  our tipster and the link they sent us to the DailyKos.com, thats what St. Louis’ favorite perma-fired up, republican, Dana Loesch pundit is trying to make happen with a recent mass email.  Why?  Apparently some black guy is going to break in to the school and try and talk to her kids.

Snippets from her e-mail:

President Obama’s Address to Students Across America September 8, 2009…

Word is traveling fast on the internet, between bloggers and twitter, the choice is clear : No school for kids on September 8th due to the beginning of Socialist Indoctrination of Americas children.

Take a day of vacation. Go to the zoo. Anything that would save your offspring from what I will bluntly say is just the quasi-fellating the executive branch.

I wouldn’t have such a problem with the Department of Education were this presented in a non-Orwellian fashion.  There is no consideration given to the authority of the American people. That’s what concerns me.

Once again, we don’t care about the politics because generally its not funny and thus doesn’t amuse us, but we don’t think its fair that little republican kids get an extra day home from school.  Granted, the liberal kids get to have a school day interrupted by an assembly, which no matter if the assembly is the President or one of those “Don’t Smoke” boy bands, its a pretty light day.  I guess thats kinda even.

Either way, I just think its funny that some people think their kids pay attention in school.

The Wiggles are going to blow the lid of this one horse town on August 11th at the Chaifetz Arena.  Boosh!

Ok.  Honestly I have no freaking idea who these people are.  After 15 seconds of research, it seems to me that this concert is going to make Chaifez the place next to the parking lot full of mustachioed skinny, middle-aged white guys holding their binoculars with one hand (give it a second…) as they peer out of the window in the back of their van.

We at Punching Kitty would also like to caution the parents that although the Wiggles might seem like family fun now, eventually every big bad goes through a drug phase.  If it can happen to the Beatles, it can happen to the Wiggles.

In fact here’s their new video that leaked to YouTube moments ago: