Erik McBee is a 15 year-old from Phoenix who was trying fly to see his grandparents in Tulsa, which is such a cute little story, until you find out that this kid slept through the part when he was supposed to get off the damn plane, and ended up in St. Louis. He then proceeded to leave the airport, wander around until some lady drove him to the Florissant Police Station where is was placed back on a flight to Phoenix.

That’s just the quick version though. The long version has lots of awesome details like when the kid does some really stupid stuff, then gets caught totally lying, and finally fights a dragon with a magic dagger, only to find out that the dagger wasn’t magic. The magic was in him all along! (…at the end there we felt like a story about a dumb ass wandering around St. Louis was getting kinda boring so we Hollywood-ed it up for you at the end. We also considered adding an animated talking crackhead voiced by Eddie Murphy.)

Erik McBee, 15, of the Phoenix area, was traveling to Tulsa, Okla., on a Southwest Airlines flight on Dec. 28. He told KPHO-TV in Phoenix that he overslept and wound up in St. Louis.

He and his mother told the TV station that Erik told his story to a Lambert-St. Louis International Airport security guard, but the guard said he couldn’t help.

Wow. What a horrible person that security guard must be to ignore the plea of a confused and sleepy young man just trying to visit his grandparents! We should consult the security camera tape to find this jerk and tell him…

But Lambert spokesman Jeff Lea told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that video surveillance shows Erik leaving the airport terminal, but does not show him seeking help.

“It doesn’t appear that he asked for any assistance before leaving the building,” Lea said.

…that he doesn’t exist.

So little Erik gets off the plane in St. Louis, and promptly wanders out of the terminal and in to St. Louis. Actually, not just St. Louis, but the lovely area around the airport where the neon lights of a pancake house and the Hustler store welcome you from across the interstate! Ok, maybe, just maybe, the kid walked off the plane and through the terminal not realizing he wasn’t in Tulsa, but one would think all the stuff that says “St. Louis” or the constant “Welcome to St. Louis’ Lamber International Airport” should have been pretty solid clues.

Erik said he spent his 24 hours in the St. Louis area without money or a cellphone. He was able to call 911 to ask for help.

“(They said) they’re not a taxi service and hung up,” he told the TV station.

Erik’s mother, Keena McBee, told KPHO her son went to a police station, but no one was there. It wasn’t clear which station that was. She said he was eventually able to get a stranger to help him.

What?! 911 told the kid to screw off and he found a police station without anyone in it?! Come on none of this adds up at all! …wait, no. That actually makes a lot of sense. Have any of you actually tried to call 911 or go in a police station recently to make sure they’re real? This is like finding out Bruce Willis was a ghost in The Sixth Sense.  It at first you were all “No way!” but then you thought about it for a second and you felt all dumb you never realized that all the clues where there all along, but instead of clues like Willis’ finance not noticing him, it was that time you got raped last month taking out the trash.

via KMOV and KPHO

You know how when you walk over one of those big sewer grates you always grip your keys a little harder, because that would suck donkey balls to drop your keys down a sewer. Then what? No way would a stick work to fish them out. No one’s going to help you, so you’d be totally screwed. At least you have your cellphone…which is in your car! Shit! Oh man, oh man, oh man.

Ok, now replace “keys” with “your child”.

A 19-month-old child was walking with his dad when he slipped and fell seven feet down an open sewer grate.

“Soon as I got down there he was crying,” says Dennis Tabb with the St. Louis Fire Departmetn [sic]. “I said his name, got down there, called him. As soon as I got him, he grabbed right on, passed him right up.”

The 19-month-old is fine after a bath and he was only down in the sewer aka the “North St. Louis Simulation Tank” for about 10 minutes. Too bad, that’s totally not enough time to get any mutant powers or befriend a ninja-trained rat.

via Ozarks First.com

On Saturday, a 11-year old boy was visiting someone when he wandered across a loaded shotgun.  You know how this goes…he started playing with it and some how managed to shoot himself in the butt.

He is in critical but stable condition.

From the Globe Democrat:

Authorities said the gun belonged to a 52-year old man who lives at the home on Dick Gregory Place. So far no charges have been filed against the owner of the gun.

Authorities plan to file those charges once they start giggling about the street name.

There are no details as to how the kid shot himself in the butt, which is too bad because I’m really not sure how that would go down.  Its pretty clear to us that there was a second shooter.  Here is our artist’s rendering:

…or he just turned it around or sat on it or something.  Who knows.