Oh no way! The Cardinals just signed Edmonds! Isn’t he 40 now and has been hurt constantly for the last two years? Well he could help be a leader and a left-handed bat off the…oh wait. He just retired…never mind! With the weather being as nice as it is, everyone rock the half-shirt on Saturday in honor of Edmonds…it’s either that or go to his restaurant, but its a little expensive and a lot douchey.

Jimmy Ballgame never even made it in to camp.

Edmonds, 40, had agreed to a one-year, non-roster contract and was due in camp today.

But his injured left foot has not come around and Edmonds, who has been in California in the offseason, has informed general manager John Mozeliak that he will be retiring.

So that’s that. Edmonds signed just enough of a contract to retire as a Cardinal, and in that respect, maybe it was worth it. A quiet end for Jim Edmonds.

The club will make a fornal [sic] announcement at 10:30 a.m. (St. Louis time).

A formal announcement? Jimmy never even left his house and you’re going to make a formal announcement of his retirement?! That Jim Edmonds, dramatic to the bitter end. In our mind, Jim grabbed his bags and walked out to his car for the airport and then dramatically fell to the ground because of his ankle, threw his bags in the air, rolled on the ground, caught his bags, and then laid there for a second while his family looked on and then winced and stood up before jogging back to his house with one last tip of the cap.

Also, high-five to John Jay who managed to dodge the “old veteran Tony would have totally picked over you” bullet.

via STLToday

MLB Trade Rumors is reporting that the Cardinals…our Cardinals, the St. Louis Cardinals, have signed Jim Edmonds. The same one as before. Not one from a time machine, the one from this year, the one that was about to retire like a week ago.

It appeared likely that Edmonds would retire last weekend, but the 40-year-old is returning for an 18th season in the major leagues. Eight of those seasons came in St. Louis, where Edmonds hit .285/.393/.555 from 2000-07 and was a key player on the ’06 World Champions.

Edmonds appeared in just 86 games last year after sitting out the 2009 season, but he can still play. He posted a .276/.342/.504 line for the Reds and Brewers, adding 11 homers and 23 doubles. The eight-time Gold Glove winner played first base and all three outfield positions.

Maybe this is one of those deals where Edmonds just wants a contract to retire as a Cardinal. That move is more rare in baseball but common in the NFL.

It could also just be a “I’m old, but screw it.” Bobby Bonilla move too I guess, but damn that sounds like embarrassment waiting to happen as Colby Rasmus flies by him in the outfield and drops bombs over Jimmy Ballgame’s frosted locks.

…or who knows? Maybe he’ll be ok in a limited role as a lefty bat. He’s old, so he’s got that going for him on the new-look Golden Girls outfield. …oh wait! Maybe Jimmy’s job will be to lean against Lance Berkman so they can just hold each other up out there in right field.

Seriously though Jim, if you just wanted a free month long Florida vacation, you have just sat through one of those no-pressure time share sales. Way easier than having Tony kick your ass for a month and end up getting beat out for your job by John Jay.

People around town have been getting the following email…

From: Jim Edmonds’ F15teen Steakhouse

Subject: Free Luxury Ride to the Guns N’ Roses Concert

OMG the band that the 80′s left behind, Guns ‘n Roses are coming to town! Didn’t you hear? It must have been huge news considering the last time they took the stage here there was a “tussle” of some type (it was kinda big news)! It was everywhere right?! Guns ‘n Roses return to St. Louis! Wednesday, November 24th at the Scottrade Center! …wait wait wait wait wait. We didn’t hear anything about a Guns ‘n Roses concert! No no no! This issn’t adding up at all. Something smells fishy alright, real fishy, and we aren’t talking about those well-acted pains Edmonds use to fake in the outfield after a big catch.

Here’s a screenshot of the email (link):

There is something going on tonight at the Scottrade Center, but it’s not Guns ‘n Roses, it’s Guns ‘n Hoses. As in the boxing matches taking place between St. Louis area Police Officers and Firefighters, not the famed band fronted by Axl Foley Rose [Editor's Note: Whoops! Though we stand by our Freudian slip of name dropping the far better Axl]. The part about a fight is pretty close though.

Well, we guess H’s and R’s are kinda like each other, in that an R is like a fancy H with its hand by it’s head and a their left leg kicked out. Seriously though, if this was just a true typo, we wouldn’t have mentioned it (We…ahem…have been know to throw a few typos out ourselves), but upon closer inspection, there’s not way they can claim typo here. Someone over there thought they were the only ones who knew a Guns ‘n Roses concert was going on! ”AVOID THE HIGH-PRICED PARKING DOWNTOWN” and the frequent use of the word “concert” make it pretty clear.

We love our “boys” in blue and red for keeping us all safe(-ish), but we don’t expect the “Guns ‘N Hoses” boxing event to require you to park out of downtown to avoid the high prices. It would be pretty pimp to be the one guy rolling up to Scottrade in a “Luxury Limo Bus” though…and by “pimp” we mean kinda sad. Especially since you’d be rocking the complementary Axl wig and bandana supplied by F15teen. I mean those things only come by the gross and there aren’t any returns, so you’re getting one…or six…or 23. You know what? Just take them all and give them to the cops. Maybe they can use them for disguises in meth-house sting operations in Jefferson County.

Thank you for thinking of Jim Edmonds’ F15teen for all your imaginary concert parking and limo service needs!

According to the Cincinnati Reds’ Twitter feed, they have just acquired former Cardinal Jim Edmonds.

This move continues ex-Cardinal GM Walt Jockety’s quest to rebuild his old Cardinal team in Cincinnati that currently includes Scott Rolen, Jason Isringhausen, Russ Springer and Miguel Cairo.

We hear a waiver deal possibly involving Fred Bird is next, but until then expect an Edmonds appearance later on in the upcoming series vs the Reds.

Update: It’s on ESPN now too.

Jim Edmonds got tired of waiting on the Cardinals to make him an offer so he did what the Jeff Suppan’s of the world have done before him:  He signed with the knock-off Cardinals.  Also known as the Brewers.

Outfielder Jim Edmonds has agreed to a minor-league deal with the Milwaukee Brewers, according to Associated Press.

The one-year deal was first reported by Ken Rosenthal of Foxsports.com

via STLToday