Friday night the deadline ordered by the Mayor’s office gave passed, and so police converged on downtown’s Kiener Plaza to disperse the Occupy STL protestors. Many did just that, but 27 were arrested and dude…you’re not going to believe this…but like…they went to the same jail as like people that totally broke laws and junk! Eww!

KMOX’s Brad Choat, on the scene outside the jail Saturday afternoon  reports one of the protesters was released shortly before 2 pm.  She is a 37-year-old woman from St. Jacob, Illinois who says she was kept in a cell with eight other women, including two non-protest prisoners.

You mean they don’t segregate people that broke laws from other people that broke laws in jail? How is the city of St. Louis not magically creating cells per group crime depending on the arrested person’s personal view of the severity of their crime?! Are we animals?!!?!?! Someone call Dateline to look in to this!

The woman who was released says jail conditions were terrible…

Ok, but you know it’s jail right? So were they terrible for a jail, or just terrible in general? What were you expecting? Whole Foods pizza and a guy with no shirt playing Dave Matthews Band songs like back in the heady days of Occupy STL before the cops came and ruined the vibe? You were arrested, dumb ass.

…and adds that, while she’ll be back in Kiener Plaza during the day, she’ll  be leaving before the 10pm curfew time to keep from being arrested again.

The system works! Finally, St. Louis has managed to reform someone! It was bound to happen eventually.

via KMOX (Who took yet another humdinger of a photo for their article. We bet she’ll be thrilled to see that photo there.)

The Jefferson County Police are offering the chance to stay in their new jail one night, meals included, for the low low price of $30. What a deal! …right? Hmm…it sounds interesting, but something isn’t quite sitting right with us here…

The newest place to stay in downtown Jefferson City opens for business next month, and the management is offering a grand-opening special: $30 for a one-night stay with dinner, breakfast and your own private cell. Every guest will get a free booking photo and a complimentary “Cole County Jail” T-shirt.

Don’t you see what’s going on here?! Can’t you see their plan?! Cheap room and board with “complimentary” clothes?! Jefferson City residents far and wide won’t be able to pass up the cheap thrills of “seein’ what it was like for Uncle Jesse, or Aunt Clem in the pokey!” so they file in, sign up, suit up and get locked in to their “room”…and that’s when the warden comes out: “Attention folks! This here is the new jail ’round these parts and we just hated to see her empty like this so we invited you nice folks in for a stay. [Laughter] …but here’s the thing…we’re in Jefferson City, which is situated right there in the middle of meth country so chances are, at least 63% of you here tonight are either carrying meth or are high right now. Sure 60/40 isn’t an ideal ratio for mass incarserations such as this, but all in all we’re happy with those numbers.”

It’s a trap!! (…and now the image makes sense.  If it doesn’t, we still love you, but you hurt us. Never do that again!)

via KMOV

Maybe the St. Charles County Jail should invest in name tags, or maybe just a new policy instructing the staff to ask someone’s name before they release them from jail. Pretty clear that current the “Which one of you are supposed to be released?!” method has some flaws.

Matthew C. Gierer, 26, of the 4200 block of Spring Branch Drive in St. Charles County was accidentally released Tuesday and was free for nearly eight hours before he turned himself in about 7:15 p.m.

[T]he jail had received a court order to release Gierer’s younger brother Caleb, 18, who was being held on a misdemeanor case.

But corrections officers grabbed Matthew Gierer instead about 11:30 a.m. and walked him out the front door.

Credit to Matthew for actually coming back to prison when they presumably called and say “Wow, how do we say this…can you come back to jail? Thanks!” So now Matt is back and Caleb has been released, and thoughts turn to whether or not Matt got all the way through his “You know what I’d do if I got out of here” list in time. Eight hours isn’t much, but that might be enough to convince a girl to have sex with you while you eat a cheeseburger and choke the life out of the guy that dimed you out all at the same time. You just have to make sure that when you kill the guy, his now limp arms don’t fall down to his side and graze your junk. Not only is that gross, but we’re pretty sure that makes you gay…or at least that’s what the guy that raped him in the shower last week said.

via STLToday

In a story so weird, only a giant, airport stomping storm could blow it off the front page, two prisoners escaped from the St. Louis Justice Center. A jail so high-tech that it’s only venerability are movie escape plots.

Inmates Vernon Lamont Collins, 34, and David White, 33, apparently broke out a front window and scaled down the front of the building at 200 S. Tucker Boulevard using black bedsheets tied together with rope. The mostly translucent window on the west facade faces Tucker, directly across the street from City Hall.

Gene Stubblefield, the city’s commissioner of corrections, said the inmates climbed through a ceiling access panel into a utility space above the ceiling of the second-floor infirmary where they were staying. He said he didn’t know how they opened the panel, and that the men apparently cut rebar to gain access to the outer glass window and broke the glass with an unknown ”instrument.”

St. Louis corrections officials should also make sure sewage pipes aren’t breakable with rocks during thunderstorms and that Sean Connery is never falsely imprisoned there.

In a fun twist, the two escapees also happen to be some of the worst people ever (Thank god that the kid in jail for a bag of weed is still locked up, keeping us all safe from his incomprehensible giggling and horrible BO!).

Both escapees are violent, officials say. One is charged with stabbing a man 21 times in March. The other allegedly stabbed a woman and used her child as a human shield in January.

Lovely. Throw in the charge of deleting your Tivo recordings before you can watch them and you’re looking at previously unseen evil levels! Does that mean that we are talking about two geniuses that masterminded an escape scheme so perfect that it could not have been stopped, or are we talking about two violent retards that just kept doing a horrible job of escaping, but, luckily for them, the people that run the prison were just a little more stupid and or lazy than they were? Here’s a hint: The jail in in St. Louis and run by the city.

Rainford, [Mayor Slay's Chief of Staff], said: “This was not some master-minded scheme. This was one knuckle-headed corrections officer.”

[Gene Stubblefield, the city's commissioner of corrections] told reporters that a nurse had heard noises coming from the inmate’s cell three times and asked the corrections officer on duty to investigate each time. But the corrections officer never entered the cell, Stubblefield said.

At least one of the times, an inmate explained the noises by saying he was “shadow boxing.”

“What was he hitting?” Stubblefield asked, in disbelief. “He never went in the cell. Never went in the cell!”

As stupid as it sounds, maybe actually holding on to the criminals may be asking for too much for a city with crime like ours. Baby steps folks. Hey, they even already caught one of the escapees! Granted they’ve only managed to catch the one with two broken legs, and rocking the perfect disguise of a “stupid looking…Bruce Lee wig” because nothing says “Move right along officer, nothing of interest here!” like a black guy with two broken legs rocking Bruce Lee hair!  …we’re sure the other guy with a good set of wheels will be apprehended any time now, especially if he crosses the border in to a jurisdiction that knows what they’re doing.

Pro Tip: Maybe, just for the next couple of days, don’t answer the door to any large “Bible Salesmen” in Bruce Lee wigs holding a baby like a shield.

via STLToday

“Hey, what if I just say I’m paralyzed…I mean hell, I can just sit there when they come to check it out! I’m a god-damned genius.”

I’ll give you one guess where this amazingly stupid idea came from. Yup. East St. Louis.

A judge in East St. Louis sentenced 25-year-old Amy Rush of Glen Carbon on Monday to two years behind bars for her role in the scam. Her ex-husband, Jeffrey Rush, was ordered Friday to spend six and a half years in prison and to repay more than $300,000. Amy Rush must make $241,000 in restitution.

Authorities say the pair stuck to the story that Jeffrey Rush had lost use of his legs after a 2004 rollover crash just weeks before his Army company shipped off to Iraq.

God this is retarded.

These people clearly thought this plan couldn’t fail. They thought they could just tell the government that he was a paraplegic and not only would he not have to go to Iraq anymore, the government would give them tons of money for literally sitting on his ass. Brilliant.

…until he just couldn’t help but enter that breakdancing contest at the Army base.

“Wow that Sargent Rush sure can bust a move. Wha wha what?! Wait a minute!”

“Oh! Shit. I mean…it’s a miracle! …nah. Seriously though. I’m screwed aren’t I?”

Freaking amateur. He should have just said that he just recently got the use of his legs back after eating 15 left over fetuses from the dumpster behind The Hustler Club and he was totally just on his way to call the Army and tell them its cool, he can go to Iraq now. I mean, they can’t prove that didn’t happen.

via KSDK

We’ve been following this case here at Punching Kitty since we basically first launched over a year ago and it looks like its finally come to a close.

Former producer for local sports talk outfit KFNS Ryan Huff has been  sentenced to 25 years in prison after pleading guilty to…deep breath…two felony counts of production of child pornography, one felony count of enticement of a child, one felony count of receipt of child pornography, two felony counts of possession of child pornography and one felony count of transferring obscene material to a minor.  Whew!

In case that’s not clear enough, lets revisit the initial report from Jan 24th, 2009 on this very site:

Apparently Huff met the girls on “an internet chatroom,” which could mean anything since I’m guessing the reporter on the KMOV video I watched doesn’t know the difference between this very site and and actual “internet chatroom.”  After the meeting online, the two went to the movies, on a “date,” and then back to a house where they were joined by another 13 year old girl.  Shortly after her arrival they started partaking in sexual activity.  Huff’s alleged Playskool Orgy was noticed only after photos were taken and the girls where showing them around school!

Unfortunately for Huff, current Missouri state and federal laws don’t allow you to add the ages of your simultaneous sexual partners together to try to get a number above 18.

You know sometimes you really want the punishment to fit the crime and in this case it kinda does since we have a feeling Huff is going to be made uncomfortable by an older gentleman soon just like those girls.

What you haven’t heard what they do in prison?  Its ridiculous…