A Wentzville tatto shop owner is facing gun and drug charges, which is a total bummer since he’s already in trouble for getting caught video taping women in his shop’s bathroom. The real shame of all of this is the lost of trust, because if you can’t trust your small town creepy tattoo artist to not shoot you or videotape you in the horrible little bathroom, then what do you have in this world?!

Court documents say that when a customer told him she wanted a piercing removed from her belly, he pulled out a hand gun and told her that “this would remove it.”

If we were that lady, we’d be less worried about this chosen piercing removal tools and more concerned about his little squinty eyes. Look at those things! They’re barely bigger than his nostrils! How is this guy tattooing anything correctly, let alone shooting off belly piercings? Maybe that’s why she wanted it remved to begin with, we hear belly piercings are more sexy and easier to remove yourself, when they aren’t 5 inches off center.

via STLToday

Holy crap, it’s about time! City Judge Jack Garvey (not pictured) has decided that enough is enough with the gun-related violence in the city and is doing what he can to stop it. Specficially, he’s taking every gun-related case that comes through his courtroom and multiplying the standard bond by 10.

Judge Jack Garvey is now requiring suspects to post from $30,000 to $50,000 cash bond to be released until their case is heard.

Garvey was asked what kind of impact he hopes that will make.

“I don’t know,” Garvey admitted.  “I don’t know, but what we do know is that if there is one less person who’s off the street without a gun, there’s a better chance that people will be safer in the city.”

Way to go Judge Garvey! …what’s this?! Oh yeah, it’s happening…slow clap!

Ok, so the Cool Runnings slow clap is all I could find, but I think it gets the job done. If you could just mentally replace Doug E. Doug (Pictured…yeah, now you get it!) with Judge Garvey and then forget for a second your questions about why he’s carrying a bobsled, we think it might help.

Any chance Judge Garvey might feel like running for mayor?

via KMOX

Hey cute girls at work! You know who you are. It’s pretty clear who the cutest girls are in your office and you’re one. We, the other people at work, need a favor. You know that creepy guy that does that job we couldn’t pay anyone else to do that we always joke might come in one day and kill us all? Well he might be able to actually bring a gun to work soon, so could you just quick give him a little hand release in the bathroom to buy us a few more months of safety?

Thanks.

Missouri businesses could no longer prevent licensed concealed weapons in their parking lots under a bill passed in the House Thursday.

The Business Premises Safety Act would prohibit business owners from restricting any lawfully licensed firearm in vehicles parked in their parking lot.

That’s it! We’ve just decided we are going to be a politician. Just now. It’s pretty clear you can pass any ‘ole dumbass law you want as long as you include the words “Safety”, “Freedom”, “Children”, “Terrorism” or “America” in the bill title.

When elected we would immediately write a bill that allowed for the use of live or canned salmon on strippers when they stand on their head and you can see the fake boob implant sack ripples under their boobs. “The Provide America’s Children Freedom and Safety from Terrorism” bill would also allow people to play the tuba as they walk behind fat people, mandate all tax refunds be returned by a state official showing up on your door and “making it rain.” Lastly, it would require any adult caught watching NCIS that their middle name be changed to “Retard”

Go ahead and try to run your commericals explain what the bill actually says, with enough money for posters with American flag backgrounds, “The Provide America’s Children Freedom and Safety from Terrorism” bill will pass in a landslide!

[Maniacal laugh!]

Where was I? Oh yeah. This dumb gun bill.

The bill also prevents business owners from being liable in cases where a customer is attacked on their property unless a similar crime has been committed in the past 24 months.

One Democrat opponent to the bill said tongue in cheek as long as a murder only happens at a business every three years, the owner will be in the clear.

You know, if business owners can transfer their “Get Out of Murder Liability Free Card” there could be some real business going on between St. Charles County’s many Red Robin establishments and the Eat-Rite Diner downtown.

Cynthia Davis sure knows how to make a quotable. She’s like a uglier Sarah Palin. Much uglier.

It wasn’t long ago that the 19th district representative pull out a few quotes that got her named “The World’s Worst Person” by liberal TV talking head Keith Olbermann:

“Hunger can be a positive motivator,” writes Davis, who chairs the Missouri House Special Committee on Children and Families. “What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals? Tip: If you work at McDonald’s, they will feed you for free during your breaks.”

Now she’s out there quoting it up again with her new “guns for everyone” bill. Straight from her website’s page on Missouri Gun Laws…with our translations and comments.

Every word in our US Constitution was put there for a reason.

For me to twist until I think I can use it effectively.

When our founding fathers inserted the First Amendment, it was to protect our ability to discuss every topic.

But not gay marriage.

When they inserted the Second Amendment, it was to insure that should the Federal Government become tyrannical, the citizens could protect themselves.  History is riddled with examples of oppressive governments that began their regimes with disarming the citizenry.

Unless the government is so smart they arm the people so they will just take care of each other until just the pussies survive. (See the ongoing project in South Central L.A.)

My grandfather was one who was victimized by such an action.  Most of his family was executed in the Armenian genocide that began when the Turks disarmed the Armenians.

It took every ounce of my being to not bring up the Nazis here and thus invalidate my argument entirely.

I have filed three bills this year to strengthen the right of the citizens to protect them selves[sic].

I ran in to trouble, but the paperclip popped up with “It looks like you’re trying to write a bill about guns for hicks. Can I help?”

HB 1230 is known as the “Missouri Firearms Freedom Act”—This is very close to what passed in Montana.  It is okay to “borrow” legislative ideas from other states, especially ones that are proven to work.

Editor: I have no idea why she felt the need to explain that this was “cool” with Montana.  Seriously. Anyone care to take a stab at this?

This law says that guns and ammunition made in Missouri and used in Missouri are not subject to federal regulation.  For too long the national government has used “The Commerce Clause” to regulate industries in our state if any of it crosses into other states.  This is just one way we can show them that they are not allowed to regulate that which happens within our state.

Read between the lines: If you make your own guns and bullets you can pretty much shoot anyone you want. Looooophooooole!

Concealed Weapon permits currently cost $100 and only last for 3 years.  It should not cost anything extra to make the permit for 5 years.

Editor: It “shouldn’t”cost anything to do a lot of things, but they tell me the money goes to buying their children clothes so I keep paying…I hate when they talk about their kids first though. Ruins the mood.

Indiana’s CCW permit is valid for a lifetime.  While I like that idea, other states may not honor our permits if they’re validated for a lifetime.

I tried stealing their legislation before Montana, but they threatened me.  Their gun was bigger than mine.

HB 1232 brackets out the words that say firearms are prohibited in churches.  This decision needs to be left up to the congregation, not the government.  Those who own the property should be able to determine their own standards.

Same goes for daycares and schools too!  If they kids want to be safe, get your own gun. They have little ones now with Nerf grips.

Additionally, I have put my name on two lawsuits that are going before the US Supreme Court.  The NRA is defending these cases, and I am named on the amicus briefs.

It made me look cool to tack my name on there.

I will always use the strength of my position to stand up for our rights.

I’m drunk.

My commitment to the constitution is unwavering.

…just not that hippie-ass Bill of Rights.