Sure no one would ever want to shoot a baby, but honestly, a one month old is way too little to be an effective human shield. You cover chest and you expose the face, cover your face with the baby and you expose your chest as well as your nose to any baby stink. The trick really is to find the perfect mix of size and cute “You wouldn’t shoot me, would you Mr. Policeman?” factor. Your best bet is Justin Bieber, but the Biebs wasn’t in North St. Louis the other day, so one would have to improvise with a baby.

Police said the 40-year-old man and a 20-year-old woman got into an argument around 11 p.m. at the corner of Delmar and Academy.

As the argument escalated the man shot a gun in the air and then ran into a house with a one-month-old infant in his arms. According to officials, the man never threatened to harm the child.

Police managed to talk the guy out of the house a couple of hours later and no one was harmed.

The incident happened just weeks before the city rolled out it’s new tax payer funded “flak jacket papoose” program. Sure it seems dangerous to have your kid strapped to your chest during a gun fight with the police, but in North St. Louis being shot is like the chicken pox…it’s better to just get it over with while they’re young.

via KMOV

You know how people always say “I can’t wait to be old so I can get away with everything.” Well, that’s not entirely true. Sure you can get away with butt pinching, driving too slow, telling little kids that they’re ugly to their face, lingering while hugging your gradson’s hot girlfriend, saying racist stuff, and having a visible boner, but, while all those things are awesome, you really can’t get away with everything. Ask the crazy 81-year-old escapee from a Camdenton care facility (read: death’s waiting room) who thought “walking around with a gun” was on the list, but found out just after police officers tackled his old ass, that it was not.

He was taken into custody immediately, but fired one shot during the struggle. Nobody was injured by the gunfire.

The Sheriff’s Office said Sunday the man has been charged with armed criminal action, second-degree assault on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, felonious restraint, resisting arrest and unlawful use of a weapon.

The Camden County Sheriff’s Office forgot to charge him with smelling like pee and sorrow, and wearing pulled up dress socks with shorts, but other than that it looks like they got the full list there.

We’d say to lock the crazy old guy up, but prison might be an upgrade from the old folks home. At least in prison, you’ll get your three meals and any prescribed meds. Sure, he’d be raped, but he can’t feel much down there anyway and at least its a visitor!

via KMOX

Photo Credit: Model Kate Upton on Twitter, who is awesome and knows that if you’re on Twitter and hot your job is to post sexy pictures of yourself. Sexy pictures that are way better than some old guy with a gun photo we were originally trying to find, but then got bored and decided to start looking up photos of hot chicks.

Apparently it’s the second half of the Mountain Grove, Missouri (it’s by Springfield) gun safety class that makes the real impact.

Authorities say 63-year-old Glenn Seymour of Mountain Grove died after shooting himself in the chest Saturday at a class in rural Douglas County

Sheriff Chris Degase says witnesses reported that Seymour was injured while trying to take the safety off a Browning semi-automatic 9 mm weapon.

Right after the break they were going to go over the part where you learn to not point the gun at your chest…ever. If only Jerry wouldn’t have brought in so much orange juice we wouldn’t have had to break for the bathroom…no…it’s best not to think about “what if’s”.

What do you do if you’re in the class when something like this happens? Is the whole class’ safety certificates invalidated or does just the one guy that shot himself fail? Seems harsh, but he did shoot himself in the middle of a safety course…gotta think something like that would have ended up on the final exam.

via KMOV

29 year old Tyrel Lee Campbell, obviously fromt the from the Ozarks being as he has 3 in-use names and one of them is “Tyrel”, was arrested and charged with “unlawful use of a weapon and drug possession” stemming from a little incident at a local Walmart over “Black Friday”. Apparently Tyrel took the term “Door Busters” a little farther than he should have.

He’s accused of walking into a Branson Walmart the day after Thanksgiving. In addition to the loaded .22-caliber gun and 560 bullets, prosecutors also say he had a bag of suspected meth.

Granted he probably bought the gun, all the ammo and most of the ingredients to make that meth from the same Walmart, but when you bring those fine sellable goods back in the store they get all pushy! What the hell is that? Maybe he bought the gun and ammo, got half way out to his car and then had to walk back in for something, does that count for “unlawful use of weapon”? …oh yeah the meth. He could have mixed up the batteries, cold medicine and cat piss in his van right? Half the people in that Walmart on Black Friday where chilling in the parking lot since 11pm the night before just to get a good deal on a crappy TV or pointy sticks for stabbing Ozark squirrels for dinner. If 85% of them weren’t on meth too we’d be shocked.

He was arrested by police who were at the store working crowd patrol. The Springfield News-Leader reported that police were alerted to Campbell after he allegedly pointed the gun at a woman.

Oh well you can’t do that Tyrel. Sure she had her eye on the last $18 toaster oven, but that’s hardly an excuse for pointing your gun at her. Wait, did she look like one of the lizard people? If so then you really should have shot her. Meth allows you to see people as they really are. It’s a hell of a drug and so cheap to make! **

** This message brought to you by the South County Chamber of Commerce “Meth: We might as well start embracing our biggest export.”

via STLToday

When you rob someone, don’t just pull the gun out, surprise them and then think it’s over. It’s not! Robbery not finished yet! You still have work to do! Just don’t put down the gun!

The suspected robber, whose name has not been released, came to the home on Compton to use the phone, police said. He came there with a 20-year-old man he’d just met on Wednesday night. Inside the home on Compton was a 19-year-old man.

Once inside the home, the suspect pulled out a gun to rob the others, police said. When he put the gun down, the 19-year-old man was able to get the gun and shoot the would-be robber.

So see right there was the problem. Don’t put down the gun, because then they have the gun. This may have worked if you, the robber, had 2 or 3 guns, but you’re robbing people so that’s probably a stretch.

The victims turned awesome action heroes are cooperating with police and have the best Facebook wall posts in all of St. Louis.

via STLToday

The campus of University of Missouri St. Louis today was locked down after a student reported they had seen a “man with a gun” to the police. The following text-alert was sent out to all faculty, staff and students:

Man with a gun seen in Lucas Hall. Police have been unable to confirm this. Older W/M, glasses, 5’8″. Avoid Lucas Hall. Secure in place. Don’t come to Campus. If this person is seen call the campus police at 516-5155.

Yup, seeing a man “with a gun” does sound like a call the police situation…however…

According to an UMSL spokesperson, a professor who teaches western civilization brought the gun to school. Once a semester he dresses in fur trader attire and brings in one of his long rifles as part of a re-enactment for his class.

So now we know that an UMSL student called the police to report that Davy Crockett was seen on campus and the plan was to mow down students with his long rifle. This plan would have failed miserably with fitness majors…they’re way too fast to get a shot off after packing the powder and loading in the little marble bullet. One of the more stagnent majors must have been the target! Computer Science or Culinary Arts. Probably three or four rounds could be fired off before they could make it over to some suitably sized cover.

via KMOV