It took three firefighters to disloge this large woman and her motorized wheelchair from the mud when she tried to take her ass through a sloppy field while chasing her dog.

The only that would make this photo of three trained firemen lifting her ass out of her chair so they can also carry that to dry land any more amazing would be an orphanage burning down in the background.

via The Telegraph and our tipster who has not only tried the “Charlie Sheen” drug, but survived with their face completely un-melted!

Despite what you may have heard from Google (see below) John Goodman, native St. Louisan, isn’t dead. He’s just a hell of a lot skinnier than he was.

Bam:

What is more shocking than Goodman in the tux, is what a disgusting blob he was. Sure, he’s always been a big boy, but my god. Freaking gross man. How does one even begin to know how to clean effectively under a bitch tit? Lie on your back and dive in I guess…pretty much on your own too because we’re pretty sure old Goodman there on the left is taller than us while lying on his back.  A lot of people say that being fat isn’t hurting anyone so leave them alone, but say that again face to face with that belt buckle holding on for dear life. That thing is about one Suzy Q away from taking out someone’s eye.

Whatever. He looks much better now. No word yet on where the Olsen twins will go to keep warm on those cold nights now that the cave under Goodman’s left boob is gone.

Goodman has a few upcoming projects, but the big one is Pixar’s Monster’s Inc. 2

You may think that bald tub pictured above is just another of the thousands of “fat guys in polo shirts” St. Louis has been collecting over the years, but you would be wrong.

That guy is made of pure balls.

You would have to be to waltz in to a bank and rob the place looking like Paul from Cheers (huh?), with nothing but a pursey-wallet-thing-but-definitely-nothing-a-man-shoudl -be-carrying-around thing in his hands.

The FBI and St. Louis County Police are asking for the public’s help in finding a man who robbed Regions Bank Tuesday.

The suspect is described as a white male, bald and about 50-years old or older. Witnesses said the suspect was wearing glasses, a short-sleeve tan or gray polo shirt and black pants.

Ok, a fat, bald, middle-aged white guy in a polo shirt and dress pants. He can’t be hard to find. We’ll stake out all area Lowe’s and you keep and eye on everywhere in St. Charles County.

Good to see though that now the whities have a equivalent to the bastardly generic “skinny black guy in a hoodie” that keeps committing all those crimes.

via Globe Democrat

Found on The Dirty, this photo submitted by one of their St. Louis readers really makes you feel proud to live in St. Louis doesn’t it?

Not sure if she’s new to the whole fat person motorized vehicle thing, but you would think she’d be able to get a little closer to the curb there. Especially since we both know she’s not going to put out any effort when they hand the “food” out to her.  Also, there’s a very real danger here that this person slowly escaped from some mental institution in town like a hospital’s psych ward, or the Post Dispatch offices.

The worst thing about this photo? Its not the first time we’ve seen this.

Welcome to St. Louis, the nation’s 16th fittest state, as according to “Men’s Fitness” magazine. I just read the article announcing this list and yes, I was proud that my city was listed in the top 25. But you know what my knee jerk reaction was? “Really? That doesn’t seem right!” I mean, come on. We’re the city that gave the world Budweiser… and John Goodman. Our city newscasters count Jeff Bernthal and Rich Gould among their number. Aren’t we supposed to be corn-fed, happy and… FAT? I guess not. I used to walk around Saint Louis, comforted in the fact that I blended in with the apple-cheeked, pillowy Midwestern citizenry. But no longer. I guess it’s time to hit the gym. Damn you all.

*Faces have been covered because, let’s face it. No one wants to be known as a fat-ass.