Did you know there is such a thing as “Ram Rules”? Well there is, and if you were hoping a bunch of numb-nuts in over-the-top Rams gear can go through the first 5 with you, then you just passed Ram Rule #0: Be so stupid you need instructions on how to cheer at a sporting event.
…earlier we mentioned those are just the “first” 5, and we say that no because we want to George Lucas all over this shit and make it worse, but because a there are clearly more than just 5 Ram Rules. Maybe they’re implied by the people that created this video, but actually…
Ram Rule #6: Implication is for nerds! Make stuff easy because we’re dumb!
Rams fans clearly need every instruction spelled out completely. What do we do if there’s a touchdown? Do we slow clap, make a lot of noise, or do a ramming action thing with your head that will just look like we’re all blowing each other on the TV broadcast?
Ram Rule #7: Don’t save your cheers for the long down-field pass to a wide receiver that actually catches it, because that’s just never going to happen.
Seriously, even if Bradford gets it down there, who’s going to catch it? Butterfingers Kendrick or Frying Pan Hands McGee? Don’t think so.
Ram Rule #8: Make sure you say stupid crap like “Dome-field Advantage” and “12th Ram”
Other popular sayings are, or will be, “Green Bay Rammed Our Asses Like Crazy Last Sunday” and “That shirtless guy two sections over sure is getting RAM-bunctious…oh and now he’s screaming at a 6 year old wearing the other team’s jersey. Fantastic.”
Ram Rule #9: Every time the Rams, in their 4-3 defensive set, blitz with the cornerbacks and they’re picked up by the other teams’ offensive linemen, but use an effective swim move to get past only to just barely miss the sack as the quarterback makes a 16 yard completion to their slot receiver up the middle, we wanna hear you yell: “Oh man I hate when that happens, they must have picked up our blitz package and we should think about putting some people in motion next time to draw the quarterback in to thinking we are falling back in to coverage, and what the hell was the secondary doing?! That guy was wide open!”!!!
Ram Rule #10: Always fall for marketing gimmicks.
A couple of years ago the Rams’ marketing team came up with a slogan like “Bring It” and we went 1-32 (or something), last year the theme was “Come see Sam Bradford play, maybe buy a hot dog and please don’t leave before the half” and we won 7 games. This crap doesn’t matter. Cheer however you’d like.
