OMG:

Internet hackers are targeting Missouri state representatives and their staff, and no one knows exactly how or why.

JK, LOL.

Really STLToday? “internet hackers”? You have the first line of your story about Missouri State officials getting their Facebook passwords cracked is about “internet hackers” mysteriously “targeting” the state representatives? You even got the little laptop floating in the blue internet image there. Really nicely done. Did you ask our grandma for help on this story?

Since the legislative session started Jan. 5, five people on the House side of the Capitol have reported their Facebook accounts being hacked: three Republican legislators, one Democratic legislator and one Republican staffer.

It is the most concentrated, widespread rash of hacking events the House has seen.

Five. It’s only been five. Right here, at the height of the fools-tension built up by author Rebecca Berg, who sounds like she uses an abacus and leaves her computer in the corner because of the demons, seems like a good time to remind you that we aren’t talking about official state computers or government accounts, we’re talking about Facebook. The “secrets”, if any, that have been stolen are less Missouri government building access codes, and more like the date of their nephew’s bar mitzvah.

If a hacker alters a lawmaker’s carefully crafted public message, the political damage can be immediate and lasting.

“I just don’t trust this stuff, and now I know why,” [Donna Lichtenegger, R-Jackson] said.

Not really. We already forgot about the one that happened a couple of weeks ago…plus no one cares what the rep from Jackson thinks about anything on her Facebook. Great to hear you’re scared of the internet now because of your own lack of knowledge about it though. “Ow! Fire burn hand after me stupidly touch it! Me no like fire no more.”

Meanwhile, at least one positive experience has come of a compromised Facebook account. Rep. Stacey Newman, D-Richmond Heights, whose Facebook account was hacked just one day after the start of session, has used her experience to foster new relationships — in real life, instead of on the Internet.

After hearing news last week that Lichtenegger’s Facebook had been hacked, too, Newman reached across the aisle to commiserate with her House colleague. She joked that the two have formed their own bipartisan caucus to discuss hacking-related matters.

…you’ve got to be kidding me with this crap.

Newman said the rash of computer security breaches does concern her.

“Now that it’s happened to a few of us in the House — why? It does make you start to wonder,” she said. “I don’t know what the next step should be, but I’m very disconcerted.”

You’re a moron. Don’t play with Facebook at work. We talked to the taxpayers and they said they’d rather you spend the time finding them a job. …oh shit. Stand still. We think we see an “internet hacker” behind you! Oh nevermind. It was just a guy talking to a 12 year old girl on a sex chatroom. Whew. That was close! He could have “hacked” your Facebook account and then where would you be when they changed your status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated”?! OMG?! Can you imagine?

via STLToday (…which is on the internet! Do you know how to get there? If you look at that picture they posted it’s just past the floating laptop, down the glowing internet hallway, take a right and then a left at the Starbucks. It will be the glowing blue door on your left.)

Everything is on Facebook. Everything. Because of that little fact, its a great way to spend your Thursday night, going through things to see how popular they are based on their number of “Likes”.

For instance, we found St. Louis’ Mayor, Francis Slay‘s page rocking a pretty damn low 35 “likes”:

35! You know what has more than 35 likes? Sure you can name a bunch of popular people that have way more than 35 likes. Say Albert Pujols…

…who at the time of this writing, was rocking a cool 112,405 likes. Not too shabby, but naming super popular people is way too easy. We figured there had to be all kinds of lame crap that was still managing to pull down more Facebook popularity than our city’s mayor.

…we were right!

Take for instance the one-hit-wonder band made up of mostly identical genes, the Proclaimers. Famous, pretty much entirely, for the song 500 Miles (video) and even they have 1,427 likes.

Sweater vests, the clothing staple of old bald golfers and little “go-getters” at the office that say “Good morning!” way too loud and everyone says “Hey” back even though no one likes them, have a Facebook page…and nearly 700 likes. Crushing Mayor Slay who may or may not have a few sweater vets stashed away for “casual” Friday’s at city hall. Maybe after this he’ll ditch them out of spite.

Remember Chicago Hope? The medial drama from the early 90s that played the Generals to mega-hit ER‘s Globetrotters? Freaking show was on for 6 horrible years and even they pass up Mayor Slay with ease at 245 likes!

With only 71 likes, the competition is getting closer to our Mayor’s lowly count of 35 likes, but its still just over double so Butt Chin‘s popularity isn’t anything the mayor’s office can scoff at.

All of this is pretty damn embarrassing for the long time city head-honcho! Someone has to be less Facebook popular than Slay! Someone that made a quick name for themselves fueled by little white scrappiness, but just didn’t have enough left in the tank to last more than those first few months…who could that be…

Bo Hart, the former Cardinal that the hoosier, if not slightly racist, masses fell in love with one magical summer years back, and then upon closer inspection decided that he really couldn’t play baseball all that well. 6 likes! 6! Congrats Mayor Slay, you’ve managed to best Bo Hart in popularity by 29 likes. The only thing left to do now is to keep yourself from stabbing yourself in the face repeatedly with a fountain pen and going for a stroll in East St. Louis to take the pain away. Hang in there though Mr. Mayor! You’re a politician for god sakes, getting people to “like” you should be no problem. Of course, people are running against you this time so it might be more challenging than you are used to.

Maybe in a few years you can beat out Aaron Miles (127 likes)!

…oh, and we hate to bring this up but…

We beat  you too with 531 likes. That being said, *ahem* we do currently trail the Proclaimers and sweater vests. Not embarrassing at all.

How do you delete a blog post?

KSDK made one hell of a production effort for one of their lovely little in-house stand-ups during a recent local news broadcast about the recent might-have-happened-but-who-knows school “shooting” incident involving Parkway Central at the little moron’s Facebook page. They even went to the trouble of bringing up that very Facebook profile in question, blowing it up on the large video monitor beside the reporter.

One thing though: He’s an uncharged minor. You aren’t supposed to be blasting his name everywhere!

It’s cool though, they thought about that little fact…about 5 seconds too late.

Reporter: [Points to screen left of camera] Now this is the profile page in question.

[Camera pans to screen showing full view of profile, including name and photo]

Reporter: …actually, lets come back to that because…uh…come back to me.

[Camera returns to reporter]

Reporter: We are going to protect this student’s name…uh…because he has not been charged.

Thanks KSDK. That’s probably all the “protecting” the kid can take today.

We aren’t sure of the ramifications for their quick legal blunder, but even it amounts to nothing, this is still pretty bad. We also still can’t figure out why they would put the profile up on the big screen if they knew they shouldn’t be showing it. In our mind, everything was cool until the minute they showed that boy’s name and some old guy in the back that’s worked there for years and hasn’t talked in months yelled out “You can’t do that! It’s agains the law!” Old guys always know the law better than anyone. Probably why the always vote and read the news and stuff. We don’t have time for that crap because of all the loud music we listen to while we horseplay.

What?! Transcripts are good enough you say? Good thing our eagle-eyed tip-daddy managed to grab a little video evidence of the “minor” mistake (Click through the jump to see the video)

(more…)

Remember that movie Minority Report where the police have psychics that can see the future and stop people from doing stuff before they do it? The future is now. Thank you Facebook.

10:18am “Thinking about stabbing this guy in front of me with my fork.”

1:32pm “Cleaning out my fridge! Can’t fit a cut up full-size woman in here will all this left over Chinese food! LOL”

3:45pm “School’s almost out! Hope I don’t forget my gun tomorrow. Better sit it next to my backpack tonight so I don’t forget.”

…that last one is kinda real.

All the old people can shake their fists all they want at “social networking”, but participate or not, kids put everything about themselves on line these days, and this time it probably saved some lives.

A 15-year-old Parkway Central student is in custody and accused of making threats against his school and classmates. Another student saw his Facebook page that contained what she thought were some disturbing messages, so she contacted the school. Officials then contacted Chesterfield police. The 15 year old was taken into custody Friday after police investigated his Facebook page and questioned the teen.

What did the kid say? Was it that “homework is lame”?

An official with the school district said the page contained photos of weapons. One student says the page included a photo of one of the Columbine shooters.

Police are not saying what exactly the threat was. What they are saying, though, is that the student was planning an attack on the school and students.

That’s all?! Pictures of weapons, threats and being a “fan” of teh Columbine shooters? That’s all it takes to get questioned by the police these days? Geez…people are so touchy.

…no. In all seriousness, that’s pretty amazing horrible. It’s cool though. Parkway Central is all over this:

The school details those measures in a letter heading home to parents and staff.

Yeah, that ought a do it.

via KPLR

[Editor's Note: Feel free to follow our possible future law infractions on our Facebook page: facebook.com/punchingkitty]

Last night we ran across the Art Holliday Fan Club on Facebook.

Seriously.

It gets better though. It’s 350 members actually aren’t just there for the irony. They make use of the discussion board with topics like “Art’s Many Looks” where Patricia Cashman writes:

He has got tons of class. He always looks like he is straight out of GQ, but honestly, when he wears his suspenders without his jacket on…I just think he makes all the other men in the news business look like wimpy. Jennifer always says that he is the “best dressed male anchor”. I think he is perfectly, flawlessly groomed in ANY group of men. I’ve never seen him in his tennis clothes, but I wish someone would post a picture!!

How can this get any better? …what if the actual Art Holliday fully participated in his own fan club and dropped in non-sensical one-liners?

I never disagree with a woman holding a gun.

Art Holliday

That, from the man himself, was the next post in the discussion. Also, we love it when people don’t at all get the internet or facebook and “sign” their comments as though we don’t see the author’s name at the beginning of the comment.

KSDK mornings partner chimes in as well. Jennifer Blome drops this note:

OKAY fans, did you ever wonder what Art does during the commercials?
Little know fact…During the McDonald’s commercial, he sings along.
Imagine if you will…”Give me back that fillet of fish. Give me back that fish”
Wish you all could be here!!!

…to which Art replies…

That crazy song is on a loop in my head. I’ll never look at a fish sandwich the same again.

Art

…and then some other person says…

HAHA! That story just made my evening! Thanks Jennifer!!

What?! How could that have possibly made your evening?! How horrible of an evening could you have been having that a story about Art Holliday singing to a commercial “made” it for you?! Were you being viciously raped by an escaped lion? Did you contract a flesh-eating virus? Did the naked Puerto Rican you keep in your basement escape? How could that have in any way made your evening! Impossible.

Is this for real? I know this post has no structure, no meat to it, and we’re very sorry, but we are just in awe of the awesome weirdness of Art Holliday’s Facebook Fan Club…that he himself joined…and so did Jennifer Blome.

What the f*ck is going on here?!

Ladue is the Hollywood Hills of St. Louis. They think they’re so great, with their smoking jackets, botox and makeout parties.  Crowding West County Mall with their fancy sweat suits dropping their “troubled” kid off at the Hot Topic while the rest of them go to the GAP or stand around outside of a JBucks somewhere, collars popped, looking like a living Dockers ad. It’s like their life is so great they don’t even care that their mexican gardner is taking a leak in their pool.  It’s about time someone is finally mocked them as they should have been all along!

The Ladue Yacht Club is a Facebook page that chronicles the day-to-day goings on of a few fictitious member of the St. Louis upper crust. The page is officially self-described as:

The Ladue Yacht Club is an elite, private club of Ladue, MO. Members are acquired by invite only and pass through an aggressive financial, socioeconomic status review by the board. Wikipedia declares Ladue as the most wealthy inner ring of St. Louis.

Through the regular postings we get the stick our grimy poor noses in on such adventures as badminton games, squash attire, their thoughts on Chesterfield and having more kids.

Winthrop took a shuttlecock to the cornea on Saturday afternoon. He was standing too close to the sideline – we Ladue men take our competition sports serious! Women, children and Winthrops need to stay in the stands once a match begins! Now we need a new wicketkeeper for today’s cricket practice! Winthrop will be watch…

Farnsworth please don’t walk in to Olhendorfs dressed for a game of squash! Have some dignity my yachting comrade!

Chesterfield Once Again Rated Number One City In America By Low-Income Living Magazine. For four years in a row chesterfield ranks number one in Low-Income Living Magazine’s annual poll. It was number one in many categories such as the student to knife ratio 1:1, paycheck cashing services per-capita and above ground pools.

Ladue Yacht Club Farnsworth is thinking about having another child. Farnsworth do you really think the nanny can keep up with another child? And you can’t ship them off to boarding school until they are four! Think old chap!

If you have either more time on your hands or more Ladue hate in your heart (or both) you can even install the Facebook application to find your own Ladue Yacht Club Name. Here’s ours:

Congratulations!

Captain Utah “Salty” Titsworth has accepted you as an honorary member of the Ladue Yacht Club.
Your Honorary Yachting Name is Prince Edmund Peckson Longrod .

Happy Boating!

Anything that correctly identifies us as “Longrod” is good in our book! Now, if you will excuse us, we are off to buy a jacket with a crest on it and slap around the help. Go join the Ladue Yacht Club (and if you aren’t already, be a Punching Kitty fan) and you can come along too. Later on the wife Buffy and I are going to take the kids to the Cardinals game. We have great seats. You’ll be able to see us all game behind home plate, looking bored or on our cell phones. Can’t wait!