Early Sunday morning a drunk guy wandered in to someone’s house in Columbia, Illinois, grabbed a bowl of cereal and made himself at home. He didn’t sneak in, just came right in through the front door, right passed the home owner and chilled in their kitchen.

“He walked into the house. The dad met him in the living room. He thought he was a friend of one of his sons at first.”

Michael Scales felt so at home, he helped himself to some cereal, “I think that’s just something, like the gentleman was comfortable enough that he saw the food there and started eating it, and that led dad to believe ‘he must be one of my son’s friends’ or something along that line.”

Once the family realized that they didn’t know the guy, the cops were called and he was arrested and charged with misdemeanor trespassing. Apparently he was drunk and confused thinking he was at his friends house who lived a few blocks away.

These people wouldn’t even give the drunk kid some cereal?! That’s just flat out un-neighborly! If a guy came in to Punching Kitty HQ one morning and wanted some cereal, we’d gladly hook him up! Not “Lucky Charms” hook him up, but certainly “been in there a while Frosted Flakes” hook him up. After he’d get done with his cereal and maybe a complementary glass of orange juice, we’d escort the gentleman to the basement where he’d be tied up with his pants removed…and he’d be promptly sacrificed to free agent Albert Pujols as was foretold by the Book of St. Louis Sports Gods in the waning days of 2011. Pujols wants 10 years, and 15 human sacrifices, so what are we going to do? Let a few murders get in the way of not signing him? No, that’s silly. He’s like the Latino Stan Musial, and no one’s going to miss a guy that walks in to strangers house to eat their breakfast.

via KMOX

Everyone’s “favorite” Cardinals broadcaster, Dan McLauglin, was busted for drinking and driving again Sunday night. This time after crashing his car in a single car accident in Chesterfield.

Cardinals broadcaster Dan McLaughlin has been cited for drunken driving for a second time after a stop by Chesterfield police on Sunday.

Police said McLaughlin, 37, was stopped at 10:13 p.m. on Baxter Road and Isleview Drive after he crashed his vehicle. No other vehicle was involved, police say, but they declined to elaborate.

In case you’re unaware, this is McLaughlin’s second time getting busted for drunk driving and know that those of us that were aware of his prior bust have been having a hell of a time laughing at his August 16th mugshot for the whole year. Seriously it’s amazing.

So how does this edition of the Danny Mac mugshot measure up? It’s good too, but in a different way.

This mugshot is a little more pensive, a little more “Oh shit, how do I talk my fat ass out of two of these?” than the previous one and it’s sun-baked cavalier attitude. In fact, lets really compare them:

See the first one, on the left, has that Jack Nicholson’s Joker-esque look of “Wait till they get a load of me!” [Editor's Note: Greatly disturbed minds think alike it would seem, eh @MattSebek?] He’s still having a good time, flashing the pearlies. He probably thought the booking sheet was an autograph. Cut to Sunday’s, and you see a definite nervousness there. No smile, sad little head tilt…same exact hair though. Through all of his troubles, the hair stays motionless, like wise old person in movies that just sits there while all hell breaks loose and waits until the very end of the movie to tell us all what we’ve done wrong. At some point we expect Dan’s hair to speak up with sage advice about drinking, the cost of being a local celebrity and the importance of using sun tan lotion. We just hope his hair doesn’t speak up in front of McLaughlin’s colleague Jim Hayes because if that guy finds out something else that his fake hair can’t do, he might lose it.

As for now, McLaughin could be in some double-trouble, because he is still on probation from the first offense. That may not be a big deal for the likes of Lindsay Lohan, but McLaughlin’s not that famous despite the fact that they might share the same bra size.

The latest arrest came while McLaughlin was apparently still on probation for a drunken driving conviction in Chesterfield last year.  In November, McLaughlin was ordered to serve two years probation and complete community service after he pleaded guilty to driving drunk on Aug. 16.

Even if Danny Mac goes to jail, you’ll still be seeing plenty of him around town, because just as he did last time, Danny boy has made his little boo-boo Halloween adjacent. That’s right! It’s back! We bring you the Dan McLaughlin Halloween Mask 2011 Edition!

(click for a larger, printable size)

How will your kids not want to be Dan McLaughlin for Halloween (again)?! They can make references about baseball stuff, have awkward silences with Al Hrabosky or any Hungo Award you have laying around the house, and they can even just take the mask off, take a break, and pretend that Ricky Horton is out getting some candy for them and they’ll be back in a little bit.

Look how cute!

…oh the witch’s outfit? We’re assuming that at some point McLaughlin got drunk enough to wear something like that, so it’s officially part of the costume.

via STLToday and all those nights we prayed to that stain on our ceiling for something this hilarious to happen…twice.

More Dan McLaughlin coverage:

Dan McLaughlin Gets Busted For Drinky Drinky Drivey Drivey

Apparently People Don’t Like Dan McLaughlin

Early Sunday morning a drunk driving a Mustang hit a St. Louis PD car, drove past the officer that was trying to stop him and then proceeded east on to the Poplar Street Bridge where it swerved, hitting two pedestrians, sending one to the hospital and knocking the other off the bridge to his death. Horrible way to die.

We would avoid any and all walking on the Poplar Street Bridge, especially going east-bound but that’s just us. There’s nothing over there, but Illinois! No joke. If you keep walking you’d eventually hit a Chili’s, but there isn’t a Fajita Trio big enough to get me to walk that far and dodge that many drunken illegal Mexicans.

Oh, did we mention that the guy in the Mustang was an illegal mexican?

He was.

The driver of the Mustang was then stopped on Route 3 in East St. Louis. Police say the driver and his passenger appeared to be intoxicated. Neither person could speak English, so an interpreter was called in.

The driver, 26 year old Brandon Oggun Garcia, admitted to police he was in the United States illegally. His passenger is identified as 31-year old Alfredo Amelco Arand.

Nicely done on keeping a low profile after sneaking in the country. Garcia might not be aware of this, but drunkenness and fast cars don’t mix…oh wait! Is that way Mexicans are always slowly riding around on donkeys?! Well, we don’t have a lot of donkeys around these parts, but since you’re already headed to Illinois, this might be a great way to recycle the old strippers.

Note that the bridge was closed for a short time on Sunday to clean up the accident, and to allow Mayor Slay to double check the measurements to make sure the murder was over the line in to Illinois, maybe redraw a few chalk outlines. It will be open by Monday’s rush hour.

via KMOX

Our post yesterday about the best of YouTube’s drunken Mardi Gras offerings has brought some new challengers to our original list.

We’d be remiss if we didn’t also bring some attention to the following runners up:

Preppy Guy Does the Drunken Version of the History of Dance

Girls Stumble Around Like Drunken Retards and End Up With 100,000 Views on YouTube, Easily Enough for It to Make It To Their Bosses Inbox

Good god Rams. You start prepping for a draft where you aren’t picking in the top 3 for the first time in a few years and you get all crazy and start pissing all over buildings? Keep it together guys.

Luke Driscoll, a Rams NFL scout was arrested under charges of public nudity and intoxication in Indianapolis while in town for the NFL Combine.

Police say he also exposed himself to a female officer. His speech was reportedly “very slurred” at the time. Driscoll is charged with public nudity and intoxication. He is an 11-year member of the rams’ scouting department.

It all started when the cops caught Driscoll peeing on the side of a downtown building early Friday morning. That sucks. Who among us hasn’t peed on the side of a building at one time or another? Still though, one has to wonder how this fits in with Heir Coach Spagnuolo’s “Four Pillars” rules where anyone that isn’t perfectly angelic gets the boot.  …or maybe this guy’s just a random dude that got drunk and was better at finding bad luck than a bathroom and this is all about as interesting as listening to Anne Hathaway go “Whooooo!” off camera all night during the Oscars. Sweetie, if we can’t see your boobs then your antics aren’t cute or fun.

via Fox2

Richard Mehan, a 19 year old Mizzou freshman from Chesterfield, is in the hospital after falling from his dorm’s balcony Saturday night. The St. Louis High School grad fell from a fifth-floor balcony to a fourth-floor Laws hall landing at 2 am and is in “fair” condition at a Columbia hospital.

What could he have been doing at 2am Missouri University Police captain Brain Weimer?

Weimer said Mehan had been drinking.

Ah! Ok, so he got drunk and fell over the railing. …well, actually its far more stupid than that.

Weimer said Mehan had been hanging onto the outside of a railing when his hands apparently slipped.

He was drunk, hanging on the outside of the railing. How can a plan that sounded so perfect go so wrong?$5 this guy’s a Missouri congressman in 20 years. Better yet, it sounds like he might have just hit his head hard enough to be the mayor of St. Louis.

via STLToday