Ryan Theriot, the solid bench player that was scrappy enough to convince Tony LaRussa to give him a starting job. The facts are, 1. He’s really a pretty piss poor shortstop. 2. His jersey gets dirty. 3. He’s really really bad at talking to the press.

Post Dispatch’s Bernie Miklasz describes Theriot’s latest flub:

Theriot may be in for some jeering when he returns to St. Louis after joining in on the fun on a Chicago sports-talk show (ESPN 1000).

When the hosts made fun of Cardinals fans wearing tank tops and cutoff jean shorts, Theriot laughed and enthusiastically added, “Tank tops, jean shorts and some Timberland boots.” And then Theriot laughed again.

Not a good move. You’re going to have to get really dirty to make up for this one buddy. Yes, he was just joking, but you don’t have a lot of leeway for poking at the fans to begin with, especially when comparing us to Chicago fans who we already have a healthy complex about. Throw in the fact that you used to be a Cub and your ability to make us all dream about the days of Brendan Ryan and you have a short leash dude. Why do you just leave the “Cardinals fans are hoosier jokes” to Joe Sports Fan and ourselves, and we’ll promise not to not play catch in front of Busch Stadium on game days to show you up with our superior glove work?

…oh and if you think the average fan will be wearing any shirt at all (other than their built-in South County sweater) once July hits, your nuts.

Meanwhile, “oh shit” spin has from Theriot has begun as he tried to dampen the fires he started on both sides (in the off season Theriot said we was finally on the “right side” of the Cards / Cubs rivalry which pissed off the Cubs).

“A thousand percent too much is made of it,” he told the Chicagoans about winter comments about being on the right side of the rivalry now. “… I think it’s really dumb. C’mon, it’s like who do you love more, your mom or your dad? It’s extremely blown out of proportion.”

And this to St. Louis media: “I like jean shorts. What’s wrong with tank tops?”

How is he just now figuring out how the rivalry works? Saying you like jean shorts and tank tops is not the way out of this. The pandering here is horribly obvious. No one actually likes those things, but some people wear them anyway because there’s no reason to spend money on “new” shorts when you can just take some scissors to your old work jeans, and tanks tops are the last resort after you realize how back your back hair looks smashed up by your neon-green mesh t-shirt.

via STLToday and Chicago Tribune

I don’t know how we missed this yesterday, but KMOV got the scoop on a great little story about the Chicago Cubs’ rookie shortstop, one Starlin Castro, getting busted for underage gambling in the downtown Lumiere Place Casino.

News4 has learned that Castro was involved in a violation of Missouri gaming laws at Lumiere Place Casino on August 13th. The Cubs were staying at the Four Seasons Hotel and after their game that night with the St. Louis Cardinals, Castro and some of the players went downstairs to Lumiere Place Casino.

According to the Missouri Gaming Commission, a security guard failed to check Castro’s identification which would have shown that he’s only 20 years old. In less than 10 minutes another employee noticed he looked young, asked to see his ID and realized Castro was too young to be in the casino.

Nicely done security guard! Pretty much your only job is to check IDs and you were too busy jersey-chasing the Cubs players to do your job. It’s not like Castro is one of those 20 but looks 45 (because their actually 32) latin players, this kid looks every bit of 20 (top right).

No, Castro won’t be fined and neither will the casino it appears. This was every bit of a “get out of her you little rascal” kind of deal.

The Cubs team as a whole, also were recently barred from every going to the O’Fallon, MO bar “Playoffs” for obvious reasons. Apparently someone let them in a few times but they always get really sloppy and end up shitting all over themselves.

via KMOV

Sure we ripped on him for much of the week, but Brandon Phillips did somehow manage to stumble his way in to a good thing by stirring up some crazy stuff with his now famous Cardinals rant (Checkout our full coverage here!). That being said, losing your mind in front of a microphone about another baseball club is hardly original though. Its happened more than a few times and a couple of the best where about the one club that’s pretty much a walking target for ripping on…

The Cubs.

Here are two famous rants about the Cubs to take you in to the weekend series with the Cardianls:

#1: Marty Brennaman: “There are balls coming from all over the place!“

The Reds can’t help themselves! Marty Brennaman, the Reds radio broadcaster, takes the fans and the team itself to task after witnessing balls being thrown on to the field en mass at a game.

Best Line: “Far and away, the most obnoxious fans in baseball, in this league, are the ones who follow this team right here.”

#2: Lee Elia: “”85% of the world is working, the other 15% come out here!”

The best Cubs rant comes from none other than their very own manager at the time, Lee Elia. Elia was fed up with the way the Cub faithful were treating his team after an April 29th, 1983 loss to the Dodgers. He decided to use naughty language. A lot.

Best Line: “If they are the real Chicago Cubs fans, they can kiss my f*cking ass right downtown!”

—

Go Cardinals!

Another Cubs vs Cardinals series starts this weekend and we felt that is was high time we take a look at a sampling of Cubs fans with a little help from our friends at OtherTeamsFans.com

Some of them are more attractive than others, but one this is for sure, they wouldn’t know what winning felt like if it landed on their face. Which it won’t. Because they like the Cubs and they never win. Get it? The Cubs never win. Ever. They’re horrible. Cardinals are good though. Not the Cubs.

Click through the jump to see the whole set of photos!

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The Cubs are horrible even when they should be good, but managed to do what many teams haven’t been able to do: Take the fun out of the game for Lou Piniella, as “Sweet” Lou  announced that this season will be his last as a major league manager, retiring after 18 years as a player and 22 as a manager.

“It’s been a wonderful experience,” he said. “There’s no way that I won’t cherish the memories here.”

There’s why they call him “Sweet”. He’s a liar though. Lou did the best he could in his tenure as Cubs manager, but jesus man: Milton Bradly, Carlos Zambrano, all the sucking…it had to have been frustrating as hell for someone who was one hell of a player and a great manager for so long to put up with crap like that.

“I’m proud of our accomplishments during my time here and this will be a perfect way for me to end my career,” he said. “But let me make one thing perfectly clear: Our work is far from over. I want to keep the momentum going more than anything else and win as many games as we can to get back in this pennant race.”

Translation: “It’s over. I mean it’s no “over”, but it’s over. You can’t say it’s over though, even if it is. It’s totally over though.”

We always loved Lou Piniella as a manager. Kicking stuff, throwing stuff, yelling at people. Guy was freaking great and we have to admit that when the Cubs hired him we were more than a little worried. If anyone had the balls to scream and kick the loser out of these under-achieving Cubs, it was Lou. Alas, eventually even the mighty Lou Piniella, childhood friend of our very own Tony LaRussa, was broken by the craptasticness that is the Cubs.

If we lose Pujols after next season LeBron-style, we should totally go get the Reds’ Joey Votto to hold down first base. Not only can the guy hit (actually having a better season thus far than the Mang himself.) but he totally hates the Cubs. No not like “Oh you rascal! I hate you.” and then see them chatting it up on the field during BP, but like telling ESPN he hates them. That’s awesome.

When asked about why he didn’t tell fellow All-Star Marlon Byrd what a good play he had in the 9th inning of the All-Star Game, Votto replied:

“I don’t like the Cubs,” said Votto, the first baseman for the NL Central-leading Cincinnati Reds. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back.”

“We are Cincinnati Reds. We’re taught to hate everything in the Central Division. That’s just how it is.”

So I guess he hates the Cardinals too. Hmm. Well Scott Rolen is on the Reds squad now, he’ll tell Votto we are cool since he left on such good terms…oh yeah Tony pissed all over him. Reds GM Walt Jockety knows we’re awesome…right up until he was fired by the Cardinals. Shit. Well at least we can share in the general Cubs hatred and their amazing streak of suckage. Its like the two hated enemies that join together to laugh at how lame the third guy we forgot was still standing there is.

When asked what he thought about the Pirates, Votto replied: “No, I’m pretty sure they are in the Eastern Division. What? Really?! Those games just seem to fly by, didn’t realize we played them that much. Hmm. Well I guess I don’t like them either.”

via ESPN