Everyone jumped on the story a few weeks ago about Collinsville banning sagging pants because it’s a stupid law that either won’t be enforced, or will be enforced until the cops get tired of looking like assholes writing tickets to some beltless kid. You know who agrees with this assessment? The Collinsville Police Chief.

[P]olice Chief Scott Williams told Knabel and City Council members that he’s fundamentally opposed to the new law, which makes wearing pants 3 inches below the hips illegal.

“I personally will not enforce this ordinance and I’ve asked my men not to,” Williams said. “I don’t have the legal authority to tell the police officers who work for me not to enforce a legal ordinance, but I can use discretion not to enforce it and I will do that.”

Nicely done Chief Williams! It’s good to see someone take a stand against stupid, pointless laws like this. He even cited some pretty solid reasons for his disregard of this law: perceived racism and protecting his officers from civil liberty litigation.

“I am going to ask you to rely on my professional judgment when I come to you and say that this particular ordinance is going to put the Police Department in a very negative position,” said Williams, the Collinsville police chief since 2005. “And I would respectfully ask that you repeal this ordinance at your earliest opportunity.”

Seriously what is with this law? Is sagging pants really a problem or did a bunch of old farts finally notice this decades-old trend one recent night at Denny’s and decide she’d rather spend time on doing something about that rather than her actual job? You know what clothing we happen to find far more offensive than a little sagging? Shiny, bedazzled, aqua-colored jackets. Yes, that’s the bill’s sponsor, Councilwoman Liz Dalton to the right rocking that lady side-spike and a 66-watt smile all while wearing a jacket approximately 42 times more horrible than some kid letting his plaid boxers peek out. You can’t die from someone sagging, but if you’re walking down the street in a jacket like that, and the sun catches one of those rhinestones just right, it could temporarily blind and passing driver, causing him to miss his turn, flying off the road, smashing in to the propane tank attached to the areas’ school…or orphanage…or school for orphans. 100′s of orphans would be burned alive while a smaller subset would be missed. That jacket kills. It must be outlawed.

Once again, way to go Collinsville Police Chief Williams! …now what is the current policy on citizen arrests around here? Because dead orphans or not, if we have to look at this bad “Marty McFly on acid” halloween costumed councilwoman any more, we might go blind.

via STLToday

File this under “dumbass”…and then sub-file it under “untrimmed goatee and need of a Flowbee touch up”: A man was charged on Friday with “Aggravated Fleeing” after he hit an Collinsville Police cruiser with his car and then ran…on foot…with his car still back there. Perfect plan! Now you’re busted and sweaty. You’ll have the last laugh though, don’t look in to the camera when shooting  your mugshot. Ha! Ruined your photo.

Yes, running was a really really dumb plan. They had your car dude, they were going to find you anyway and now you’ve got the really manly charge of “aggravated fleeing” on your record. Nice of them to at least through “aggravated” in there, so you at least sounded pissed off while your were running like a little girl, probably with tears running down  your face whimpering as you tried to catch your breath. They could have just as easily charged you with 1st degree “being a stupid pussy” or 2nd degree “running home to change  his panties”

The kicker to this whole story is that the guy’s name is: Steven Randall Crook. Crook! The guy is literally a Crook. Maybe that’s why he ran, being in his blood and all…sure, it’s probably the thing about him being stupid and a big pussy, but it could have also been the name. (No it wasn’t)

via KMOV

You know what’s great about church youth groups?  Um…wait I can think of something…there’s um…crap, there has to be something…oh I know!  There’s very little chance of being recorded when you wake up on a group camp-out in your tent and decide to rub a quick one out and have it ended up online.

A Collinsville, IL church youth group leader is facing charges for possessing and…yup…creating child pornography.

Joseph Emil Klug was the leader of the Royal Rangers, a youth group that is for boys of grade school and high school age. The boys go camping and earn pins for various activities. Klug, as an adult leader, took an Indian sounding name, “Young Owl.”

Sounds so nice.  Nothing wrong here…wait, why does that backback have a blinking red light and is making a zooming sound?

According to federal prosecutors, Klug cut a hole in a backpack, and placed the backpack in a tent with a camera pointing out. Prosecutors say Klug videotaped a young boy masturbating and put that video on the Internet.

Oh crap.  Something told me not to masturbate in front of that backpack.  I feel awkward now. Awkward but sexy.

via KSDK

42 year old James Watkins was arrested last weekend for stealing roosters in order to have his own private cock fights.

According to Captain Brad Wells, Chief of Detectives for the Madison County Sheriff’s Office, deputies were called to the 3300 V.F.W. Lane around 7:50 a.m. Saturday in response to a reported disturbance. When they arrived at the home of James T. Watkins, deputies noticed blood and feathers in the living room.

The deputies were given permission to search the property and found a dead rooster in a trash can outside the home. A live rooster was found hiding in a bush on Watkins’ property.

“Oh crap the cops!”

“Rooster that just won, you hide in the bushes….and I’ll just put this dead rooster in the trash.  It’s the perfect crime!”

The roosters were stolen from a neighbor who valued the roosters as $250 a piece, which he later was totally pissed at himself about for not making up a higher price.

via KSDK