A man was  shot in Wentzville’s St. Patrick’s church over the weekend and the police are ruling it as an accident, which is just so St. Charles County. Sure people get shot out there too, just like in the city, but out there it’s always “My bad! Junior’s still a learnin’ about the safety! He’ll master it by age 5 like his daddy!” rather than a 45 year old prostitute gunning down some crackhead trying to steal her stash.

According to reports, a trivia night fundraiser for a cancer patient was wrapping up with approximately 165 people left cleaning up, moving chairs and clearing the tables. ”As things were winding down some balloons were being popped and during the popping of the balloons there was a pop that was unrecognizable and there was a victim of a gunshot,” said Wentzville Police Chief Lisa Harrison.

Initially the police detained every attendee of the gathering that were still at the church, searching and questioning each one until roughly 3am. The police later decided the incident was an accident when the shooter came forward Sunday morning after seeing the news coverage. Seriously, he didn’t come forward because he shot a random bullet through a church hitting someone, but because he saw the news coverage. Even if you somehow weren’t aware that it hit anyone and instead just knew you can fired off a random shot, wouldn’t you come forward regardless to make sure you didn’t do something horrible like…well hit someone in the chest while they were attending a Saturday night church trivia night fundraiser for a cancer patient?!

The victim’s condition is unknown at the time of this writing (though hopefully he’s doing well) and more specifics about the case should be released later today after the St. Charles County Prosecutor’s office has time to go over the report and decide on charges. In the meantime, some people thought about doing a new trivia night for the guy that was shot at the last charity trivia night, but felt like it’s too soon right now because the questions and answers are still pretty fresh in everyone’s mind. Plus no one’s too wild about the location they used last time. They should try to find something even less likely to take a bullet in than a Catholic church for the next one…maybe something like a baby animal petting zoo, or an all cute asian baby orphanage.

via KMOV

The guy that ran in to the St. Peters church screaming and knocking over people the other day, has blamed all of his actions on fake pot. Yup, fake pot. Had to have been the fake pot. Oh and let us guess, he ran in to the church to get help right?

Police said [Dustin W. Ostmann] told them he had smoked a sythetic marijuana called “Knock Out.” They said frightening hallucinations led him randomly to the church to seek help. Once there, though, he ran screaming through the halls, pushed down a 14-year old, threw a table at a 71-year-old and assaulted a 61-year-old, police said. They said the final assault victim restrained Ostmann.

…bingo!

So lets get this straight, Dusty here lit up the fake “Knock Out” pot, started trippin’ balls, and so he hopped in the car and drove to the local church for help. Not to the hospital, or a friend’s house, or a just not driving anywhere and just waiting out the “Knock Out”…a freaking church. What was the church going to do? Was Dustin hoping for a medieval church possibly? Did he assume one of the old folks he knocked down was going to have some leaches on them?

Seriously though, that fake pot sounds like a great time. Nothing like lighting up a pouch full of god knows what only to hallucinate, hope in our car and somehow not kill yourself just long enough to end up in a church with a 61 year old man on top of you. Priests are going to by this stuff in droves! “Knock Out brownies in the rectory! Free for all alter boys!”

via STLToday

You really can’t fault a man for executing a perfect plan. Drive up to a church, nearly hitting the building, hop out and run screaming in to the building knocking old people out of the way until the police arrive. Apart from forgetting to lick Jesus’ nipples on the crucifix statue, this plan went off without a hitch!

Officer Melissa Doss, a spokeswoman for St. Peters police, said the man arrested also pushed another person while inside the church, laid hands on a third person and verbally assaulted another.

The man was held down until police arrived, Doss said.

The sad thing is that if he would have just worked the phrase “God hates abortions!” in to his ramblings he would still be a free man as it would have been impossible to tell him from the rest of your average hard-core parishioners.

via STLToday

You know what’s great about church youth groups?  Um…wait I can think of something…there’s um…crap, there has to be something…oh I know!  There’s very little chance of being recorded when you wake up on a group camp-out in your tent and decide to rub a quick one out and have it ended up online.

A Collinsville, IL church youth group leader is facing charges for possessing and…yup…creating child pornography.

Joseph Emil Klug was the leader of the Royal Rangers, a youth group that is for boys of grade school and high school age. The boys go camping and earn pins for various activities. Klug, as an adult leader, took an Indian sounding name, “Young Owl.”

Sounds so nice.  Nothing wrong here…wait, why does that backback have a blinking red light and is making a zooming sound?

According to federal prosecutors, Klug cut a hole in a backpack, and placed the backpack in a tent with a camera pointing out. Prosecutors say Klug videotaped a young boy masturbating and put that video on the Internet.

Oh crap.  Something told me not to masturbate in front of that backpack.  I feel awkward now. Awkward but sexy.

via KSDK

St. Louis Beacon discusses whether or not a jungle of of a South City backyard is Eden or an Eyesore. The video of the backyard is pretty awesome…we vote “Eden”!

Should the Cardinals move Pujols to third so we can put the hobbled Troy Glaus at first for the rest of the season?  Erik at Fan Graphs explores the idea.

Super Fun Patrol reviews Twilight

Wow. What a big, giant ball of suck the Twilight series is. Talk about taking everything that’s awesome about vampire stories and completely, utterly sucking that out (no puns meant here, so can it) and replacing it with teenage romance pap and dribble. This, my friends, is what happens when a Mormon woman enacts her private fantasies in print. Where would you even start in order to make such a shitpile better?

The Daily Jerome makes his own version of those retro Colt45 billboards.

This church has the most bitchin website EVER! (Psych!  It sucks…but it is funny.)

[Editor's Note: We are bringing back "psych."]