Everyone’s favorite former local internet monopoly Charter, posted a loss of $85 Million dollars last quarter, bringing their total loses for 2010 to a whopping $237 Million. All this, just a year after Charter filed for bankruptcy. Things are going just great according to Charter though, you see the secret is playing high school basketball games. There’s you’re big ticket TV right there.

Charter is banking on big gains from their commercial business, but it’s pretty damn clear what Charter needs to do to get back in the black: Chalk Talk needs to get back on the air. Randy Karraker, Tony Twist, McGraw Millhaven…um…the black guy…all the great insight in to the local sports scene along with the added fun of spinning a wheel and distilling your insight in to a two or three words, poorly scribbled on a children’s learning to spell chalkboard. How can you not love that?! You’re in the hole for $237 Mil? Chalk Talk alone is worth at least $146.oo. Sure you gotta subtract from that the price of chalk…and the cost of making a new wheel if you got rid of the last one…but whew, can you imagine the excitement when people mis-key the channel they actually wanted and end up on the Charter local channel to find Chalk Talk where a bunch of out-of-work buddies make the standard “best fans in baseball” references between giggling about inside jokes? Hello windfall!

You’re welcome Charter.

Actually, try just throwing up the Indian Test Pattern too. Might be worth a shot.

via STLToday

Maybe you haven’t heard because you only use your computer for Facebook and sending people eCards and viruses, but Google threw it out there a few weeks ago that they are trying to get in to the crazy-fast internet service game and basically said “Hey, United States cities?  You want it?  Show me what you got.” Which prompted just about every city in the union to lose their shit trying to convince Google to go to the internet prom with them.  Hell, Topeka, Kansas basically became that first groupie to go down on Google, not because they are slutty, they just want to show Google how much they mean to them, by “changing” their city’s name to Google, Kansas.  Whore.

St. Louis, under the leadership of Mayor Slay, are taking the coy approach.  They know we want them, but we aren’t coming over.  We are just going to stay on the other side of the bar, bat our eyelashes and keep sipping on our pink drink that tastes like bubblegum or something.

Its not like we don’t want to gossip about Google though…so His Mayorness set up a poll about the situation.  Two things jumped out:

#1. There’s a question about your internet usage which just goes ahead and asks if you use it for porn.

14% stood up proudly behind the anonymity of the internet and said, “Yeah dude, porn is awesome.”   Seems low.  Also note below that only one more percentage of people use the internet for work email than watching porn. Love it. Look, when you’re football team sucks, you gotta do something on those cold winter Sundays.

The thing is though, is that you couldn’t choose more than one option, so if you wanted to choose porn, you were going all in.

#2. There’s a total shot at Charter in this poll.

In a reference to that slut Topeka’s name change to catch the eye of Google, the poll included a question about what we would think about St. Louis changing it’s name.  Check out option number five below.

Bam! Nothing worse than slow porn and Mayor Slay knows it.

Our best hope to get asked out by Google is if we make him feel sorry and get the pity invite, like the high school quarterback asking out the girl with Downs Syndrome.  Its not going to go anywhere, but we are just happy he knows our name.

via MayorSlay.com

Remember like a year ago when Charter started the whole bankruptcy proceedings?  Well now its almost over.

Charter Communications Inc. says a bankruptcy judge has confirmed its reorganization plan, clearing the way for the nation’s fourth largest cable TV operator to emerge from Chapter 11 in a few weeks.

Charter said the plan whittles its debt burden by about $8 billion, leaving $13 billion. Bondholders who agreed to swap their $8 billion of debt will end up owning nearly all of the post-bankruptcy company.

So instead of owing people 21 million dollars, now they owe them 13 million…and to pay that debt, the people they owed it too now own Charter?!

Well played.

Here’s what the new owners should so with Charter:

1. Stop being dicks about everything.

2. Now all ad campaigns that involve that dumb guy talking automatically when I hit a website.

3. Get the NFL network.

4. Ramp up that internet speed, and deliver what you promise.

5. Understand you are never going to get some people back without completely relaunching everything.

6. A few more of those “Free Skinamax Cinemax weekends” would smooth a lot over.

One time my friends and I really needed to scrape together some money, but unlike Charter my friends and I were amazing breakdancers so we put on a awesome dance show to raise the money so that mean old white bald guy wouldn’t bulldoze our community center.  We got the money, but it turned out that place was a crack house.  My sister got hooked on the smack and ended up doing rimjobs in there to get her next hit.  Looking back on it, that old white guy probably would have created a pretty sweet movie theatre there or a Sonic or something.

Stay in school kids.

via KSDK

Charter, everyone’s favorite St. Louis cable monopoly, has filed for bankruptcy.  From STLToday.com:

Cable operator Charter Communications Inc. says it will file Chapter 11 bankruptcy reorganization documents by April 1.
As part of an agreement with debt holders, they will be paid in full and Paul Allen will maintain the largest voting interest in the company.

In a stark contrast to Monopoly rules, Charter will continue its “service” after filing for and throughout the bankruptcy process.

When asked if the quality of their service would take a hit because of the bankruptcy, Charter abruptly replied “No.  Seriously, how can we get any worse?”  …or at least thats how it went in my head.

So our buddies at everyone’s favorite St. Louis based cable company, Charter, didn’t play nice when the FCC tried to look in to some complaints against them and now they are being fined and getting their finger wagged at them by them by outgoing FCC chief Kevin Martin.

From bizzjournals.com:

The FCC is examining a practice of transferring analog channels to a more expensive digital tier, which prompted 600 complaints, according to a letter Monday to congressional leaders from outgoing FCC Chairman Kevin Martin.

Writing to the Senate Committee on Commerce, Science and Transportation before leaving his job Tuesday, Martin said that cable operators showed “contempt” for the commission by not providing full information about their practices.

Charter might have to pay $25,000 each, according to notices the FCC sent the cable operators.

Ok, so its not a big fine (well it might seem bigger to a company thats about bankrupt) but I think its pretty freaking awesome that basically FCC Chairman Martin made it the last thing he did in office was to fine and take a verbal shit on Charter.

I love Obama’s pick for the new FCC Chairman, but this dude gets serious points for the way he went out.