If you’ll recall, Lambert Airport got wind-raped pretty hard last Friday. After getting its windows blown out and roof ripped off, it was back to full capacity yesterday, a mere 5 days later. The Cape Girardeau Airport has however been closed since Sunday because of puddles.

Cape Air has been closed since Sunday.

The airport was temporarily shut down because there is a large amount of standing water on the runway.

We’re not saying the puddles aren’t a legitimate problem, but when your airport is closed over the same things that little girls like to jump in with their rain boots, maybe don’t drop that news after another local airport got it’s face ripped off.

We will admit that puddles are an interesting foe. There’s only two options to go over them: make yourself look like at 6 year old trying to jump real far, or a ballerina, neither of which are real impressive to the ladies. Not all of us have a sexy body distracting enough to pull those moves off. That being said, puddles do allow for the occasional up-skirt reflection. But now they’re taking out our airports?! It would be a shame if Cape Girardeau was the place where our tenuous relationship with the puddles degraded in to violence*.

* violence = a mop

via KMOV

The manager of the Cape Girardeau Sonic has copped to the fact that he was cooking meth in his restaurant.

The former manager of a Sonic restaurant in Cape Girardeau has pleaded guilty to attempting to manufacture methamphetamine at the restaurant.

The Southeast Missourian reported that 27-year-old Dennie Bratcher also pleaded guilty Tuesday to second-degree burglary. Sentencing is March 16.

Those Sonic’s are pretty small, so my first question is where exactly was he making his meth.  Then my mind immediately floats to the awesomeness it must have been for meth heads to drive up and get their meth delivered to them by a girl on roller skates with a side of those awesome Cheddar Bites!

…also now we know why the Banana Slip Blast was so good:

via KSDK

Tell me if  you’ve heard this one: Two southeast Missouri guys are fighting over a girl.  [Editor's Note: I'm going to guess the girl's name is Cheyenne, and prefers half-shirts.]  At one point one of guys whips out a knife, but they managed to remove him from the house.  Undeterred, the Knife Guy starts banging loudly on the windows which prompts Other Guy to come out and they begin to get in an old fashion brawl which ends with Knife Guy biting the freaking earlobe off Other Guy.

Knife Guy was arrested on charges of felony assault and burglary.

Oh and there’s this:

Police recovered the severed lobe, but doctors were unable to reattach it.

Is an earlobe chunk really even worth looking for?