In a new report from KMOV “the old Carter Carburetor building in north St. Louis is an eyesore that’s full of cancer-causing chemicals – and it may finally come down, thanks to the Environmental Protection Agency.”

Yippee!

“The contaminated site sits right across the street from the Herbert Hoover Boys and Girls Club.”

Hooray!

“Clean up comes with a $26 million price tag.”

(Cues cricket sound)…

As seen above, the site in questions has sat vacant for 25 years and once employed hundreds of St. Louisans. It’s a sweet reminder of local commerce and the successes of a once small local business. Right?

When asked for a comment Flint Fowler, president of the Herbert Hoover Boys and Girls Club said

It’s a distraction and deterrent to any further development–and it’s the kind of place that attracts vagrants.

How dare you sir! To allude that vagrants are attracted to cancer ridden buildings is an insult and a stab at our great American culture. Real American vagrants are well aware that the only place to live truly like a vagrant is behind the Mills Mall near Hazlewood. Now that’s good eatin’!

So how do we demolish and clean up this abomination in regards to citizens safety?

Karl Brooks, regional administrator for the EPA says clean up is a complicated project.

There’s a lot of different forms of pollution that require some pretty technical approaches to it. The EPA wants to burn off cancer-causing chemicals underground. The vapors will then be captured, and the soil will be trucked off to an approved landfill.

When reached for comment the EPA mentioned that the approved landfill is the currently the undeveloped mess that is next to Busch Stadium.

We are looking down the barrel of a $26 million price tag, and we are waiting until the nation and St. Louis’ economy are in dire straits to bring this to light? The owner says he feels the building can be rehabbed:

“I would like to see this building resurrected” said Tom Kerr. “I don’t think it’s that complicated.”

…he said on his way to Forest Park to bury his collection of plastic bottles and syringes.

The Old Willco Plastics building will be left largely in tact once harmful material like asbestos is removed. But the EPA says the main building, Carter Carburetor Inc, must come down.

Kerr says he has a buyer for the building that he says would bring as many as 600 jobs to the community once the property is given the all-clear. Meanwhile the EPA has high hopes to start the clean-up process within one calendar year.

Moral of the story? Stay the fuck away from that Boys and Girls club!

via KMOV

Seriously. What the hell is going on here?  Jesus? Magic? Seizure?

Our guess? Someone’s trying to convince her to have her photo taken for the Post Dispatch. Should have just said yes and smiled nice, because guess what? Now you are on the front page of their website looking stupid.

Photo Credit: STLToday

A courthouse clerk in Pineville, MO was fired after lying to co-workers by saying she had cancer and then receiving roughly $10,000 in gifts.

Officials say 42-year-old Tammy Young told people she had been diagnosed with Ewing’s sarcoma, a malignant form of tumor, and had been undergoing treatment at three different hospitals.

But co-workers in the county prosecutor’s office became suspicious and her story began to unravel, leading to her firing in July.

This article by the AP on KSDK.com was way too short!  Where are all the good details?!

How did the coworkers become suspicious?  Was it her long flowing hair?  The fact that she thought the chemotherapy cocktail was something that involved vermouth?  Or the fact that she drives that new car with the license “FAKDIT”?

What was the end game here?  Was she just going to pop into work and say “I beat it!  Thanks guys!  …glad thats all over! ”  Or did she think it worked like Kenny from South Park and try to get a few funeral gifts out of them too before showing up back at work with a fake mustache?

Also, she could have saved herself from trouble by just saying she had a severe mental illness.  1, its fairly undetectable, and 2. apparently it would have been 100% true.

Brace yourselves.  A group that calls themselves “The Cancer Project” has decided that they haven’t been in the news enough for their liking, so they are declaring that hot dogs cause cancer.

1. Everything causes cancer, and everyone knows it.

2. This is way to generic to be anything but link-bait bullshit.  ”Hot Dogs”?  If you want people to believe your lie, try to be a little more specific.  For instance, if you were to tell me that neon green relish they put on Chicago-style hot dogs causes cancer, well thats something I could buy in to, but “hot dogs?”  Its like saying pizza causes cancer.

It gets better though, because The Cancer Project wants hot dogs to carry a warning!

The group wants the Cardinals to put warning labels at the concession stands, informing people the risks in eating hotdogs.

“It’s our mission to educate them on the risks in eating these foods that they’ve been consuming,” said project spokesperson Krista Haynes.

The Cancer Project [also] sent a letter to the commissioner of baseball to post the warning at all major league ballparks.

…oh and there is also a billboard…a freaking billboard! (See above photo.  You thought I photoshopped that didn’t you! Nope.  Real.)

“This is basically for people coming in for the All-Star Game, warning them that processed meats, like hot dogs, have been linked to an increased risk for certain cancers,” Haynes said.

You can read the full story over at KSDK.com, where they interview an actual intelligent medical professional who shockingly disagrees with The Cancer Project.

In a related story, fun causes brain tumors says the local Ugly, Stupid and Sad People Advisory Board.