According to the Missouri State Auditor, University City is run by a bunch of raving idiots that probably can’t even wipe their asses correctly, but he can’t verify that since it’s technically outside of the State Auditor’s prescribed duties.

Missouri State Auditor Tom Schweich released an audit Thursday highly critical of how University City operates and spends tax payer dollars.

…the city has 3,373 delinquent trash accounts costing the city $1.6 million. The city paid $97,000 in severance to its former city manager, but had the termination date been just eight days later, the city would have saved $28,000.

The auditor saved the “best” one for last actually:

The most egregious act according to the auditor was the city paying $146,000, to settle a discrimination case, instead of only paying $15,000 deductible. The cost difference is because the city failed to notify its insurance company promptly. That mistake cost tax payers $131,000.

“If I had done that in the private sector it could be legal malpractice. I could be sued for that. It is not appropriate. You are required to know what your contract is with your insurance company,”

…so basically the people that the people of University City voted in to office are stupid, or least just don’t seem to give two shits, and they appointed others with the same deficiencies to make the problem worse. Suddenly that announced plan to start charging people to park in the city-owned lots in the Delmar Loop is coming in to focus. Remember how we all said how stupid that idea was and we were all like “Jesus, are these guy’s stupid?” Confirmed!

Can’t we just lock these retards in the basement for a while with some trapped fireflies in a big jar to keep them busy while Joe Edwards spends two weeks…eh…lets give him three…to clean this mess in University City up? If that’s not a viable option, then the future of University City doesn’t look very bright. A year from now the children of U City will start to go shirtless and stop caring when they have flies all over their faces, followed by benefit concerts with new Rage Against the Machine songs written about the plight of the oppressed U City residents. That old white bearded guy in his denim shirt will walk down Delmar pointing out how you can save a University City kid for just the price of a cup of coffee causing you to feel bad and change the channel. You know, all the stuff we would be doing for North City now if there was anything of value up there. Be a shame to lose Blueberry Hill. Where would be prop up Chuck Berry once a month?!

via KSDK

Short version: The city is dropping some cash to put up signs all over the place that point to various places of interest like famous restaurants, neighborhoods or attractions. Some are whining about this though when they found out that the signs will only be leading the way to attractions that have paid the city for the sign placement.

There are lots of problems people can, and should, be complaining about, but this isn’t one of them. The whiney business owners need to just shut up and pay for the advertising or don’t. You don’t expect to get free billboards from the city, and you shouldn’t expect to just get on the signs because you think your restaurant is special.

Fritz Clifford Jr. is president of the board at the Campbell House Museum, a preserved mansion from the Gilded Age and another historic downtown landmark. The museum makes less than $200,000 annually, but it would have had to pay more than $27,000 to get listed on the signs.

“The program really seemed geared towards the large organizations,” Clifford said. “You’d really need to have revenue of a million dollars or more to justify this.”

Ok kids. Time for basic economics! The total estimated cost of the signs is said to be $1.7 million dollars. St. Louis doesn’t really have that money to burn since it’s already cutting a police force budget that desperately needs to be raised and paying for city fire fighters to retire just after puberty. So where is the money from the signs going to come from? The same place any advertisement money comes from: the business that wants the advertisement! What?! Why won’t the city give you something for free?! That’s so unfair! We should have free signs so everyone can know where stuff is…oh wait, my car just got stolen. Nevermind. Screw the Campbell House Museum.

In fact, you should know that the commission in charge of the signs, the St. Louis Convention and Visitors Commission, tried to get the tax payers to foot the bill, but were wisely shot down in there attempt. Finally something we can agree with the city on! …but not quite, because we say they don’t do enough of stuff like this. Go balls out St. Louis City! I see some room on the back of those police uniforms for some NASCAR-like advertiser patches. What about that free zoo everyone loves so much? It would start paying for itself if you let Schuncks start to sponsor the elephant cages. “Oh honey, that giant elephant penis reminds me, we should pick up some tube steak for dinner this week.”

Expect to start seeing the signs popping up around town by June of this year.

via STLToday

East St. Louis you’re about to get that much worse.

Layoff notices have already gone out in East St. Louis, and 16 police officers could be gone as of January first.

The mayor says these layoffs are needed in order to get the city budget under control.

Budget issues are totally important, but maybe…maybe the police aren’t where we’d make the cuts seeing as though you’ve got people stealing church vans and smashing them in to ATMs the same day this all was announced.

To his credit, East St. Louis mayor Alvin Parks Jr., has said that he would be will to cut his salary in half to save some of those jobs. Other tactics taken by the mayor to keep these policemen on duty is to continually not show up for meetings between city and police officials where the budget would be talked about. Very smooth, but I think they are on to your game Mayor Parks.

“They mayor is not here, has not made a proposal to us except through the press, which I think is unprofessional. We had come to a rescheduled meeting from Friday that had been cancelled due to a lack of quorum. We were told to come to a meeting here today. This meeting got cancelled apparently without our notification,” says Fraternal Order of Police representative Bill Mehrtens.

A final decision on the matter is expected Thursday.

Frankly all of this would be a lot less important to us if we all just collectively started referring to East St. Louis as “West Chicago”.

via KSDK

With the city looking at a roughly $10 Million dollar deficit this year, it’s plans are to ask all departments to cough up some money. Sure maybe spend a little less on the constant road work, but not the police right? This city is already a freaking joke with violent crimes and theft, they wouldn’t be dumb enough to try and take money away from the thing that can fix the #1 issue with this city…would they? (emphasis added)

To balance the budget this year, the city can refinance civil court debt, collect fees owed by the city water division, cut $1.5 million citywide and ask the police department to return $2 million already promised.

F*cking. Weak. Time to teach your children the accent art of  Nunchuckery. They’re going to need it on the mean streets of the midwestern Goham City.

So who’s fault is this whole $10 Million in debt thing? Several Alderman blame the Fire Department:

“Every year since I’ve been here, the fire department spends more than allocated,” said 22nd Ward Alderman Jeffrey Boyd. “It just has to stop.”

“Can we pass an ordinance to stop the fire department from overspending without coming back to us?” asked 11th Ward Alderman Matt Villa.

“That money’s got to come from somewhere,” said 8th Ward Alderman Steve Conway, chair of the committee. “They have to come and ask us for it.”

Here’s hoping that one of the 100+ murders we have had this year is inspiring some guy to be Batman because that’s the kind of low public budget idea that might have any impact on our city.

Anything you’d like to add about your crime-ridden and debt-laden city Mayor Slay?

Hmm, don’t blame the cold. We wouldn’t rule out the “choking on your crappiness” diagnosis.

via STLToday

St. Louis is poor. Mayor Slay is about a month away from having city employees sell cheese and sausage to their families. If only there was another way! If the city could only fine a service they provide and then charge more for it…

City residents can expect to see their water rates increase, and a new $144-per-family annual trash fee. The city also talked about charging a $10-per-person entry fee for recreation centers, though that precise number may not stick.

Now you’re thinking St. Louis! …an undisclosed water price increase and $12 a month for city trash pick up. Not great, but not horrible.

Other proposed changes that could help the city buy those new sneakers its been wanting are:

1. Fining the  Rams for each loss next season.

2. A yearly $50 “No one broke in to my car” fee.

3. Metrolink is now a few of those two-man pump train carts from the cartoons.

4. Mayoral massages…ask about our deluxe massage!

5. “Bribes are cool Wednesdays” at City Hall!

via Political Fix

The free ride might be over for St. Louis city residents who have been living the good life with “free” trash pick up.

On Wednesday, city leaders released a proposed budget that includes a provision for homeowners to pay $8 a month for trash services. The city said the move would raise $10 million in the next budget.

City leaders claim that many county residents currently pay for trash service. In some communities, trash collection costs homeowners up to $20 a month.

…and do those county residents also have to give 1% of their income over to their local government every year? Ok, great. Douchebagsayswhat?

We here at Punching Kitty are all for the city relieving it’s monetary woes, but potentially picking up less trash because someone didn’t pay their bill is a slipper slope to Detroit. Make your money, but keep picking up all the trash you can as often as you can. You accidentally compact a bum? Eh, it happens.

Also, maybe trash pickup shouldn’t be all that much of a focus right now. Things seem to be going pretty good there. Oh by the way I drove past four kids in the street at 11am on a Tuesday being taught how to hunt for food by a ferrel dog, but yeah, lets make sure that trash pick up is making the bank.

via KSDK