We had this really great baseball team in April and now we can’t find it, so we took to Craigslist to see if we can track it down.

Any help locating it would be greatly appreciated.

Click for a larger view. Actual posting is at http://stlouis.craigslist.org/laf/1930411367.html

“I love Detroit.”

That was former Kansas City Royal, Oakland Athletic, Boston Red Sox, New York Yankee and current Detroit Tiger Johnny Damon yesterday after turning down a chance to be traded back to the Boston Red Sox team he helped bring a World Series Championship to in 2004 after sweeping the Car…ugh. Blockquote to break the painful memory anyone?

The Red Sox claimed Damon on waivers this week, but he had the right to veto a move to Boston because of a no-trade clause in his contract.

“These guys really like me here,” Damon said Tuesday, adding that he spoke to each of his teammates individually to be sure he was wanted in the Tigers’ clubhouse.

Jesus. Everyone knows you’re a liar and just don’t want to go back to Boston because the fans were mean to you while rocking pinstripes. Wanna know why? Because Detroit sucks dude. Totally sucks. As in “worse than St. Louis” sucks. When people visit Detroit they always step on their tip-toes like they are trying to quickly walk through a puddle. Going downtown has got to be like driving around in Grand Theft Auto but with less people on the street to hit.

“I feel like we’re not out of it yet,” he said. “At least we can make some kind of run.”

No Johnny, Detroit is not going to make the playoffs.

Damon said he’d like to play in Detroit next year too, but “there’s no guarantee.”

…that Deroit will even been there next year? First smart thing you’ve said all day. We hear their homeless are nearing completion on their Homeless Deathstar made out of shopping carts, old coats and used condoms. There’s one exhaust duct you can shoot to destroy it, but its all gross and you’d have to get up close. Just give them Detroit.

[Editor's Note: Some posts are actually about St. Louis, while others are about us looking down our nose at shittier cities. It's called variety. You're welcome.]

Photo: Johnny Damon’s Wife. Ah! Now you get it.

via ESPN Boston

Cincinnati Reds’ Second Baseman Brandon Phillips got a little nicked up playing the Cubs recently, but when asked if he would ok for the big Cardinals series Phillips had this to say (according to daytondailynews.com):

“I’d play against these guys with one leg. We have to beat these guys. I hate the Cardinals. All they do is bitch and moan about everything, all of them, they’re little bitches, all of ‘em. I really hate the Cardinals. Compared to the Cardinals, I love the Chicago Cubs. Let me make this clear – I hate the Cardinals.”

Yup. It’s pretty clear Brandon.

*Clears throat*

Who the f*ck are you calling a little bitch? Is this the guy who is such a douche he won’t even talk to certain reporters because they dared to question his hustle earlier this year?! Jesus christ…lets get something straight, hitting a career .268 with an .317 OBP doesn’t make you a star worthy of blowing off reporters and talking this level of trash, it makes you barely average. Don’t forget dipshit that your career was pretty much over when the Indians gave up on you, trading you to the Reds for a bag of balls and a fungo bat, probably because your an ass-wipe, but also because you were supposed to be good, but managed to piss away your talent in to being a league-average player and an All-Star bitch.

How did you do yesterday? 0-5 with a strikeout. Cool. Just checking.

Dude, Scott…what’s up with your boy?!

Um Scott Rolen, the apparent leader in the Reds’ clubhouse…you down with this shit dude? Even if you twist this in to somehow not being a dig at you and the 48 other ex-Cardinals on the Reds roster, then at least its gotta piss you off taking cheap-shots in the media at your buddies right? You gonna take care of this?

Tony LaRussa picked up on this little nuance himself, pointing that fact out to Fox Sports Midwest’s B.J. Rains last night after the game:

Upon hearing the quote, one Cardinals player asked, “Has Tony (La Russa) heard this?”

The Cardinals manager apparently had, telling the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “I don’t think that will go over well in his own clubhouse. Phillips is ripping his teammates – Scott Rolen, Miguel Cairo, Russ Springer, Jim Edmonds – all the ex-Cardinals over there. He isn’t talking about this year. He is talking about the way we’ve always played and those guys are old Cardinals. Tell him he’s ripping his own teammates because they are all old Cardinals.

That’s cool man. Get the Cardinals jacked up for the game, it might be just what this team needs to get that spark going.

Oh…and Pujols would like to see you for a moment Brandon.

[Editor's Note: Yes, we make fun of the Cardinals all the time, but they're our Cardinals. Brandon Phillips can suck our balls.]

According to the Cincinnati Reds’ Twitter feed, they have just acquired former Cardinal Jim Edmonds.

This move continues ex-Cardinal GM Walt Jockety’s quest to rebuild his old Cardinal team in Cincinnati that currently includes Scott Rolen, Jason Isringhausen, Russ Springer and Miguel Cairo.

We hear a waiver deal possibly involving Fred Bird is next, but until then expect an Edmonds appearance later on in the upcoming series vs the Reds.

Update: It’s on ESPN now too.

Aaron “I’m horrible but plucky” Miles manning third base? Randy Winn?! The Astros have nothing. They should be the ones playing Randy Winn and Miles!

Oh did you miss the game? It didn’t go well. This is how I will sum it up for you:

Aaron. Miles. Pitching. 18-4 Astros.

The Cardinals are freaking terrible. Yes, we are right there atop the division, but so what? Are the playoffs really that cool when you just get blasted out of them right when you walk in?

Tony LaRussa reportedly had this to say about last night’s game:

“I was hoping for one of two things, either the 10-run rule or the 7 inning thing you do in the minors sometimes.”

The important thing is that Aaron Miles got to play. I’m not sure why Miles’ “Make A Wish” of playing in the big leagues seems to be lasting much longer than the rest of the dying or retarded or retarded dying kids usually go though. Most of the time they just meet Madonna and then that’s it. Seems like ~7+ years in the big leagues is plenty. Give someone else a wish now.

The Cubs are horrible even when they should be good, but managed to do what many teams haven’t been able to do: Take the fun out of the game for Lou Piniella, as “Sweet” Lou  announced that this season will be his last as a major league manager, retiring after 18 years as a player and 22 as a manager.

“It’s been a wonderful experience,” he said. “There’s no way that I won’t cherish the memories here.”

There’s why they call him “Sweet”. He’s a liar though. Lou did the best he could in his tenure as Cubs manager, but jesus man: Milton Bradly, Carlos Zambrano, all the sucking…it had to have been frustrating as hell for someone who was one hell of a player and a great manager for so long to put up with crap like that.

“I’m proud of our accomplishments during my time here and this will be a perfect way for me to end my career,” he said. “But let me make one thing perfectly clear: Our work is far from over. I want to keep the momentum going more than anything else and win as many games as we can to get back in this pennant race.”

Translation: “It’s over. I mean it’s no “over”, but it’s over. You can’t say it’s over though, even if it is. It’s totally over though.”

We always loved Lou Piniella as a manager. Kicking stuff, throwing stuff, yelling at people. Guy was freaking great and we have to admit that when the Cubs hired him we were more than a little worried. If anyone had the balls to scream and kick the loser out of these under-achieving Cubs, it was Lou. Alas, eventually even the mighty Lou Piniella, childhood friend of our very own Tony LaRussa, was broken by the craptasticness that is the Cubs.

If we lose Pujols after next season LeBron-style, we should totally go get the Reds’ Joey Votto to hold down first base. Not only can the guy hit (actually having a better season thus far than the Mang himself.) but he totally hates the Cubs. No not like “Oh you rascal! I hate you.” and then see them chatting it up on the field during BP, but like telling ESPN he hates them. That’s awesome.

When asked about why he didn’t tell fellow All-Star Marlon Byrd what a good play he had in the 9th inning of the All-Star Game, Votto replied:

“I don’t like the Cubs,” said Votto, the first baseman for the NL Central-leading Cincinnati Reds. “And I’m not going to pat anybody with a Cubs uniform on the back.”

“We are Cincinnati Reds. We’re taught to hate everything in the Central Division. That’s just how it is.”

So I guess he hates the Cardinals too. Hmm. Well Scott Rolen is on the Reds squad now, he’ll tell Votto we are cool since he left on such good terms…oh yeah Tony pissed all over him. Reds GM Walt Jockety knows we’re awesome…right up until he was fired by the Cardinals. Shit. Well at least we can share in the general Cubs hatred and their amazing streak of suckage. Its like the two hated enemies that join together to laugh at how lame the third guy we forgot was still standing there is.

When asked what he thought about the Pirates, Votto replied: “No, I’m pretty sure they are in the Eastern Division. What? Really?! Those games just seem to fly by, didn’t realize we played them that much. Hmm. Well I guess I don’t like them either.”

via ESPN

So no Home Run Derby title for our own Matt Holliday but all is not lost. He wasn’t one of those losers to get nothing over the wall…and he got more than one (well played Chris”Why Am  I Here?” Young). In Matty H. just missed the cut to the next round by 2 jacks. Despite his early exit, at least Holliday can hang is hat on having the single longest bomb of the night at 497 feet.

One time we threw a tennis ball all the way over our house.

Totals from ESPN.com/MLB

Its not just the bullpen, or the starting pitching, defense or hitting…its everything. The Cardinals suck. Oh we’re only a few games out of first, and we certainly aren’t the Pirates, but for the St. Louis Cardinals, they suck. With this much talent they should be running over people but they aren’t. Its not they don’t have the talent they thought…its just that they flat out aren’t playing well.

…so the question must be asked: Is this it for Tony LaRussa?

Are we saying he’ll be fired? Ha! No way, no chance, no how! But Tony has always said he’ll manage until he either no longer loves the game or the team stops listening to him. From the looks of it, the latter might be true.  Shoddy defense, and giving up in the 8th inning when behind aren’t the way Tony operates, so that conclusion is hard to miss.

There’s still half a season left, but right now, its looking like Tony might need to really evaluate his mantra at the end of this season.

Kansas City, St. Louis’ little annoying sibling, just has to do everything we do. First we were like “It would be awesome if our football team was really terrible.” and then Kansas City thought that was awesome, so now the Chiefs suck, and now after our All-Star game last year Kansas City wants one of those too.

Commissioner Bud Selig will be in Kansas City on Wednesday to formally award the 2012 All-Star Game to the Royals and Kauffman Stadium. [...] The announcement was delayed as details — such as available hotel rooms — were worked out.

Major League Baseball promised Kansas City an All-Star Game if it passed the major renovations to Kauffman Stadium that opened last year.

Look, St. Louis isn’t exactly in the running for the Olympics lately, but at least we have some major sporting events here. When was the last time Kansas City had anything like this?

[I]t will be Kansas City’s first major sporting event since the 1988 Final Four.

Spit take! Ha. These are the people that get jazzed up like its the effing World Series when the Cardinals come to town once a year, and they want an All Star game? The best part of the article announcing this on KansasCity.com is that last paragraph that basically pleads for the people of KC to not be weird and screw this up:

Because Kansas City voters rejected funding for a rolling roof over Arrowhead Stadium that would’ve drawn a Super Bowl and potential Final Fours, this could be our last major sporting event for some time.

This is just like the ugly girl in the high school class that finally gets her chance to shine and gets all made up for her big night…but then actually still looks really ugly and everyone is all like “Oh yeah, that’s why we don’t like her.” and instead the cool jock goes back to his girlfriend with the giant boobs and great body…ok face, but I mean, that’s not a deal breaker. Don’t get us wrong, she’s not ugly or anything, she’s just realistic in that she knows no one is looking at her face because her jugs are huge.

…oh. So uh…that’s why we should change Troy, MO’s name to “Stop Saying You’re From St. Louisville”…or something.

via Kansas City.com