Yesterday St. Louis had two movie-style crimes take place. One from a comedy and one basically from Heat but without Val Kilmer.

At 10a yesterday the Medicine Shoppe on Grand by City Diner had a man barge in with a gun demanding a bottle of oxycontin. Despite is weapon induced upper-hand, when chased by employees, the man ran down the street right past the police who turned around and caught the junkie.

On the other side of the scale, dudes with automatic weapons and cool black robbin’ costumes jumped an armored car taking the cash and leaving the guards duct taped up in the back.

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You may think that bald tub pictured above is just another of the thousands of “fat guys in polo shirts” St. Louis has been collecting over the years, but you would be wrong.

That guy is made of pure balls.

You would have to be to waltz in to a bank and rob the place looking like Paul from Cheers (huh?), with nothing but a pursey-wallet-thing-but-definitely-nothing-a-man-shoudl -be-carrying-around thing in his hands.

The FBI and St. Louis County Police are asking for the public’s help in finding a man who robbed Regions Bank Tuesday.

The suspect is described as a white male, bald and about 50-years old or older. Witnesses said the suspect was wearing glasses, a short-sleeve tan or gray polo shirt and black pants.

Ok, a fat, bald, middle-aged white guy in a polo shirt and dress pants. He can’t be hard to find. We’ll stake out all area Lowe’s and you keep and eye on everywhere in St. Charles County.

Good to see though that now the whities have a equivalent to the bastardly generic “skinny black guy in a hoodie” that keeps committing all those crimes.

via Globe Democrat

A guy robs a Clayton bank by slipping the teller a note and grabbing a sack of money (I’m assuming it was one of those with a dollar sign on it).  He then proceeds to walk across the street, in broad daylight, with tons of witnesses.  He was followed by the cops and was arrested on the first floor of the hospital with little trouble.

What?

From STLToday:

The 39-year-old St. Louis man presented a note to the bank teller demanding money about 12:05 p.m. today. He did not display a weapon and no one was hurt during the robbery, Clayton police said.

Bank employees watched the man walk across the street toward the hospital complex, and Clayton and Richmond Heights police officers responded to the area.

A Richmond Heights officer arrested the man in a first-floor hospital corridor without incident. He had the stolen money with him.

Told ya!

Clearly the obvious joke here is something about the cost of health care, but that’s lame.

Feel free to pick one of the following punch lines. It’ll be like a Choose Your Own Adventure book!

1.  The hospital was out of toilet paper.

2. You wouldn’t believe how expensive a Mr Goodbar is in the Clayon vending machines.

3. I don’t blame him, its murder to remember where you parked over there.

4. The Space Vampire got you.  You are dead.