Kids these days dress too dammed provocatively! They’re out there letting everything hang out and it just keeps getting younger and younger. Damn 4-day old’s and their Raccoon attracting headbands!

A four day old girl is said to be recovering well, after being attacked by a raccoon owned by her grandparents!

Pike County, Illinois Sheriff Paul Petty says the girl suffered about a dozen puncture wounds and a large cut to her head in the attack, which occured in Griggsville, about 100 miles north of St. Louis.

The grandparents say the animal attacked because it was attracted to a headband the child was wearing.

Of course, the poor raccoon has now been killed so it may be fully tested for diseases. Damn shame. Sure he should have controlled himself, but honestly though? The way that baby was dressed with that attractive headband and all? …totally asking for it.

via KMOX.com

Another day, another “viral” laughing baby video on YouTube. The current baby is laughing because his dad ripped some paper in front of him (again) and he’s from St. Louis.

[Father, Marcus McArthur] says he’s finishing up his doctorate at SLU and applying for professor jobs.  When he received yet another rejection letter he ripped it in half and baby Micah started laughing uncontrollably, so he started ripping credit card statements and the sweet sounds of laughter continued.

…so they uploaded it to YouTube and then it happened: Alyssa Milano tweeted it! After that it was “viral”, proving, at last, who the boss is.

via KSDK

Update: Per the comments, the baby and his parents were also interviewed on Fox2 — Thanks Pat!

Everyone says that money won’t change them, but few can hold that claim after actually having won a Million dollars…everyone except Patty Bigbee, who was a crazy old lady when she wasn’t rich, won a Million dollars in the Missouri Lottory two years ago, and then recently was busted for trying to sell her infant grandson. The lesson? Always be true to yourself.

Patty Bigbee, 45, and her boyfriend Lawrence Works, 42, were arrested last Friday in Daytona Beach and charged with illegal sale or surrender of a child, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement said. Bigbee was also charged with communication fraud.

But in June 2008, Bigbee was being celebrated for winning a $1 million Powerball jackpot.  She is quoted on the Missouri Lottery’s website as saying she planned “to use her winnings to buy a house, a car, share with her friends and family and treat her cat, Black, ‘like royalty.’”

So what does one do when you blow through a Million dollars in two years? You look around your house and see what you can sell. Chair? No, we like that chair. You know we never use that bocce ball set anymore…oh right, 4th of July BBQ. Good times. Is there nothing around here that we don’t want because it won’t stop pooping and gets all whiney when it doesn’t get its twice-weekly feeding? …wait a minute. Hey Stephanie! Is it cool if we sell your baby?!

In a new development in the case today, Bigbee’s daughter and the child’s biological mother, Stephanie Bigbee Fleming, 22, of Bradenton, Fla., was charged with being a principal to illegal sale or surrender of a child, according to the Florida Department of Law enforcement.

Fleming allegedly knew about her mother’s attempt to sell her then 8-week-old son and wanted some of the money to pay for a new car, authorities say.

Stephanie said it was cool.

The question is, of course, how much does a baby cost these days? Oh we know…you’re just “curious”. *wink*

[Agents] arrested Bigbee last week after she attempted to sell the child to a couple for $75,000. They said the price was negotiated down to $30,000.

She got talked down from $75k to $30k?! The whole “blow through a Million bucks in a year” story is starting to come in to focus. Gotta stay firm at $50 grand for a mint condition baby, but maybe Bigbee was just looking to close the deal after wasting previous baby-selling opportunities: The last baby Bigbee had she just gave away like a chump!

The informant was Bigbee’s biological daughter, whom she had given up for adoption 26 years ago, Murphy said. An affidavit said Bigbee and Danielle Skiver, 27, had found each other on Facebook in July and were communicating.

When Skiver told her mother she wanted a baby, Bigbee offered her grandson for sale, according to the documents. Skiver then notified authorities.

Facebook: Reconnecting you with people that you wish you wouldn’t have reconnected with and then tried to sell you a baby, which for a second you thought about because you haggled them down $45 grand and then said, never mind, maybe we should just call the cops.

via STLToday / The AP

The great thing about Twitter is that if you ever want to know how dilated your local morning news anchor’s sniz is while she’s going through labor, you can know. We live in the future. Where’s our god-dammed hoverboard?!

Starting with: “This [sic] it! I’m in labor, people!” KMOV morning anchor and resident cutie, Virginia Kerr started the process of labor and a steady stream of tweets up until a few moments before she pooped out her baby boy. …Is that right? Pooping them out? Sounds right.

Contractions every two minutes. They broke my water. Epidural is in. No pain! #fb

Ok! Go Virginia!

Still just hanging out.. I can’t feel a thing..last check I was dialted to a 3 but they haven’t checked since my water broke. #fb

Ok, wow. Gross. Time to stop tweeting and have that baby!

Watching the old movie Wall Street with the hubs. I feel the contractions getting stronger but not painful. Epidural is my friend.#fb

Nothing like having Gordon Gekko be the first voice your child hears.

At a six now! Nauseated and minor pain. Can’t wait to see my little dude. Just tweeting that brings tears! #fb

Six? Sounds like someone’s ready to give birth to a meatball sub.

We r getting close! Could start pushing soon! #fb

Try White Castle. That always makes us go.

We are at a 10! Tweeting is helping me cope. Like how the camera helped me do daring things on live tv when I was a feature reporter #fb

…so you’re saying you need the public eye to do anything daring or exciting Virginia? Awesome! We’re taking a shot in the dark here and going to guess that this kid was conceived in a KMOV news van…

Because of our awesome investigative abilities and rugged masculine charm, we managed to accquire the first baby photo of KMOV’s newest little reporter who already has enough of a resume to be the morning “traffic guy”

We knew it! Larry Connors, you pimp!

Yesterday in Alton, IL a three-year old body walked over to an open second story window with no screen and fell out on to a concrete slab below.

A three-year-old boy had to be rushed to the hospital Tuesday afternoon after falling from the second-story window of his family’s apartment.

According to Captain Williams of the Alton Fire Department, the incident happened at 1:40 p.m. at an apartment complex in the 300 block of Mitchell Street

He is still listed in critical condition, but initial cognitive tests are proving that the toddler still has a chance to be one of the smarter Illinois to Missouri commuters. Meaning he will be able to drive at a decent and steady speed while keeping his rusted out car in only the one lane instead of constantly weaving in to other lanes or tapping his breaks the whole time we have to follow him to the point where you swear he is driving all the way to our house with his ugly pale blue Land  of Lincoln license plate mocking you with its ugliness!

via KSDK

Stupid baby.  You can’t take on a grow 26 year old Jefferson County man!  I’m sure you didn’t want to learn that lesson with skull fractures, but well, now you know the ageless lesson: “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’!”

Jefferson County Prosecutor Forrest Wegge has charged Ronald Wills, 26, of Arnold with felony assault and endangering the welfare of a child after he allegedly beat his girlfriend’s 1-year-old daughter.

The child’s mother left her child in Wills’ care on Aug. 22 to go to work. When she returned, she found her daughter had swelling on her face and head and that Wills was looking for an ice pack to treat her, according to court documents.

Yeah Wills knew he was kicking a baby’s ass!  That’s why he was looking for an ice pack.  You normally wouldn’t do that for a guy that stepped to you gotten beat down, but you know…he was a baby, so after your done giving the baby “two skull fractures, massive facial and head swelling and bruising as well as abdominal trauma” you get the little punk an ice pack.  Its only fair.

You’re a good guy Ronald Wills.  Your tough but fair beating of a one year old baby, shows the world how to handle little punks like that.  Move over Dr. Phil!

Via Crime Beat