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Anheuser-Busch InBev Monkey Unicorn, the long-named local brewery, has had to issue its third beer recall in just over a month. This one because of this little issue of glass shards getting in to a few lots of Stella Artois 10-packs. Luckily this recall, as with the prior two, have been confined to Europe, also known as “Not Here” which means it went to terrorists, which is cool I guess. USA! USA!

Story’s over! Oh wait, no it’s not. First we have to let this guy say something:

“Oh an Anheuser-Busch product was gross and had to be recalled? How could they tell?! He he he. Look at my cat chest tattoo! Also I feel the need to tell you that I listen to bands that you probably have never heard of.”

Good one hipster beer guy. If you were going to write something to that effect in the comments but now aren’t because we beat you to it, take a picture of you punching yourself in the face, and post that instead.

via STLToday’s Lager Heads

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BabyBeerBottles.com was selling little gag beer bottles that even included a detachable nipple for the top of the “bottle” and logos that looked like Budwiser and Miller Lite.  But not anymore, because Anheuser-Busch InBev [Editor's Note: Worst. Name. Ever.] is actively suing their balls off.

“Defendants obviously intend to profit from the famous Anheuser-Busch trademarks by confusing and deceiving consumers with defendants’ blatant copying,” A-B writes in a suit filed Monday in federal court in St. Louis. “Defendants’ offensive and inappropriate merchandise tarnishes the distinctive quality of Anheuser-Busch’s trademarks and dilutes the ability of those trademarks to serve as symbols of the high-quality and superior products the public has come to expect from Anheuser-Busch.”

Sounds like they are the ones that could use a bottle.

The trademark they are referring to is the unmistakeable red white and blue sticker, which BabyBeerBottles.com replaced with “BunWiper”. Clever. [Editor's Note: Shouldn't that be b-u-m rather than bun?]

Its also worth noting the  despite the high and mighty lawyer talk above from AB the BabyBeerBottles.com site did have an extensive “warning”

“If you are an adult that cannot keep real beer, or a real beer bottle away from your toddler, you should not purchase this gag gift — Please leave the site now!” the site said. “This product is meant to be used for gag purposes only. It is not meant to encourage underage drinking. It is for adults to use responsibly, as they wish (isn’t it silly we have to say all this?)”

When contacted by Punching Kitty the defandants were surprised by the lawsuit, not because of the trademarks in use, but because…

We honestly thought that Anheuser-Busch InBev had fired everyone by now.

Hmm. Good point.

via St. Louis Business Journal

Copy of BabyBeerBottles.com (the site is now down) via The Smoking Gun