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- Betting on the favourites to win the NHL season
October 25, 2013
- Betting on the favourites to win the NHL season
Editor's Note: Make sure you play this video in the background while you read this.
Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously...and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way.
We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive. To the right are some of our favorite and most acclaimed articles from our four year run. You may also enjoy "This Day in PK History" which shows the posts written on this date in years past, and this page which shows a random article from the archives.
- The Editor
You know which one the Powell Square Building is right? No? It’s the one downtown that looks like the remains of a building that was eaten and shit out from the other side of a zombie apocalypse. Well it’s finally going to be demolished. It shouldn’t be hard to take down though since at this point we’re pretty sure the walls are gone and it’s being held up by graffiti and stacks of homeless guy coats. In fact, all that graffiti facing 55 is load-bearing, so scrape that off and it should go pretty quick.
Last spring, the city condemned the building and gave notice to the owner. December 28th, the city issued a demolition permit. Oswald says Powell Square became a safety hazard.
The City of St. Louis says it’ll take a contractor 90 to 120 days to tear the structure down. The project is complicated by Powell Square’s proximity to heavily traveled railroad tracks.
It will be kinda weird when it’s finally gone though. For one, it’s the last landmark to remind drivers “Woah! Holy crap look out! You’re almost accidentally driving in to Illinois! Exit ramp! Exit ramp! Where is the damn exit ramp?!”
The city intends to bill the $265,000 demolition cost to the building owner, listed as developer Stephen Murphy.
Good move. The owner of this lovely building is clearly the sort of chap that pays bills and likes to make sure his stuff is nice and doesn’t just look all busted up and smell like crack and homeless guy pee.
“If they don’t pay it then, we put it on their property taxes after the first year. If they don’t pay it the following year and the following year, the third year, the city goes ahead and basically will sell the property,” said Oswald.
So lets just skip to that last step and make it a baseball field / parking lot. We’re great at making those!
SAFTI, Saint Louis Association of Firearms Training Instructors, who’s acronym is cheating a little too much to get the wink they were going for, is getting some free press today after offering area school teachers “almost free” gun training that would allow them to have a “conceal and carry” gun permit.
SAFTI, the Saint Louis Association of Firearms Training Instructors, is offering St. Louis-area school teachers what he calls “almost free” training so they can obtain a concealed carry permit.
Instructor Michael Meyer said the offer is good for any certified teacher in the St. Louis area or from outstate Missouri.
Because if there’s any word or mindset you want to brand your gun safety courses with “almost” is definitely the way to go. Their first draft of this press release had them describing the nominal fees as “like a wallet flesh wound”, so it’s good to see they scaled it back a bit.
Meyer says right now the classes would be offered only to those who are certified teachers. However, it is possible that it could expand to include school staff as well.
Yeah, f*ck it! Lets arm the janitor too! He seems like a stable, definitely happy where is life has ended up kinda guy. He’s already to a holstery-looking thing on that trashcan he wheels around so it’s perfect!
The goal was to get this up on New Year’s Eve, but it didn’t happen as we were blessed with hang0ver-like symptoms a day early without having to work through all that “drinking”, “having fun” and “inappropriately touching girls at bars” stuff! Fun times.
List Notes: We’ve already posted the top 10 lists based on what you, the readers, like the most and so we made sure we didn’t duplicate anything from those lists. We love those posts too, but why talk about the same post three times? Also instead of doing the usual top 10 format, we thought we’d go at it a little differently this year because as much as people love “top 10” lists, they also seem to really get a kick out of fake awards given out to friends and advertisers. So here we are, giving out awards to the people we like the most: Us.
Horrible job KMOV. Time to tell the 12 year old “backpack reporter” to scoop up his colored pencils and hit the road.
Actually, hold on. Do those colored pencils have an alibi? We don’t recall the police mentioning them either, so by your logic they are clearly a prime suspect…especially that Brown one. White and Peach? You’re free to go.
(Honorable Mention: “That’s One Ugly Mother Puncher”)
You think an Islamic family living in St. Louis can’t figure out where to find some information on Christianity? They’re only surrounded by churches, Christian neighbors, friends and co-workers, but no, you’re right. Lets swing by their kid’s school just to be safe.
Wait, don’t answer that! Right now, we need to know how stencils work because apparently you think your audience is comprised of people that never took a 2nd grade art class.
“The Fort Zumwalt East Junior Varsity Football Team Needs to Take a Moment and Think About What They Did”
Oh man bros, you got that bro so hard! You sure showed that Special Ed. kid who’s boss, because you are the smart guys who talked a dude in to jacking off while you filmed it. Yup, pure genius. You win guys! Total high school legends!
[Editor’s Note: Yes, we said it. GIFs are the internet’s version of prop comedy. We’re not saying it’s bad, we do those gags too on occasion and Carrot Top makes a living at it, but lets just call a spade a spade ok?]
Take a look at your drivers license…yuck! So horrible. Time for a new design! Something a little uglier, harder to forge yet easier to steal, and with the Arch on it…you know important changes to us, the average citizen.
The license will have a new look and new security features including laser perforations and special printing that reacts to UV lights as well as overlapping data onto a ghost image in the lower right corner of the license.
Missouri is also introducing a new vertical license for drivers under the age of 21.
Good, because actually looking at a date and doing basic math to figure out if you’re younger than 21 is way way too much work. Do we look like a math professor?! Just take your Smirnoff Ice and go little girl.
The changes not only affect the licenses, but the process for receiving a new one. Drivers will now no longer be able to pick their license up at the license office. Residents will leave the office with a temporary driver license.
Seven to 10 days later, drivers will receive their new license in an unmarked envelope.
Because unmarked envelopes don’t at all stick out amongst the rest of your fully “marked” mail. For a city population that has trouble keeping the little license plate stickers for longer than two weeks, or a package on their doorstep for longer than two hours, mailing us our official government identification sounds like a great idea.
So to sum up: This all sounds pretty dumb, and while they claim the change isn’t costing the tax payers a dime, that’s just as hard to believe as the changes of these changes actually fixing anything. There is one good thing though, the state is finally clearly marking certain citizens as “Bro”s and thus making them easily identifiable to everyone and harder for them to hide by putting on a jacket so you can’t see their popped polo shirt collar. Yes, it might also just mean his eye color is “BROwn”, but that would be stupid since everyone know the brown abbreviation is “brn”…and also look at that guy up there? The guy with frosted bangs pushed up to make one of those little hair walls, like he’s worried that his forehead zits might try to march on the rest of his head? Totally a bro.
Earlier we published the list of your favorite stories based on raw page view numbers. This list below is still all about the readers, but since our 2012 redesign focused on Facebook for comments and likes, we thought it would be interesting to find out which of our stories this year were the most popular on everyone’s social network of choice: Facebook. [Editor’s Note: To save a little time for all of us, stories that were on both “readers’ choice” lists, we just glossed over on this one. Read both lists for the full look back!]
We’re still working on that Top 10 on Myspace list…don’t hold your breath for it.
We had to watch the video again just to make sure it wasn’t replaced with “Ha ha, we were just kidding. No one is this retarded!” …it wasn’t.
Menards sure knows how to play to the crowd that likes to go to Menards don’t they?
We love a good translation piece and so do you it would seem! This one was particularly fun because it was coming from a law school, in a catholic university no less, so it was super proper yet nearly exploding with latent “F*ck you!”s.
Also: What the hell is going on with SLU? Does anyone like Bondi?! If not, why is he still there?
A late entry to the list as it was just posted a couple of weeks ago, but we just had the feeling this one would be popular. St. Louis is full of weird people that everyone largely ignores, but when you’re super weird we fall in love pretty quickly. The only quicker way in to the hearts of St. Louis would be to be a scrappy short white not very talented middle infielder for the Cardinals.
This appeared at #10 on the page view readers’ choice list.
Ok, so we stirred the pot during the playoffs (and it worked out great for us after the epic comeback in game 5 and all) but the guy is a bit of a douche. He’s only 19, so he’s got time to correct it, but lets just say we made ourselves stop at five.
People love seeing rich people’s living rooms. It’s the only way to explain this. If you’re anything like me, you kept looking at that shot of his whole house and imagining a little Rafael Frucal opening the front door in a Scarface suit yelling “Say hello to my little friend!” …and then Aaron Miles comes out.
If you missed this post when it first came out, stop what you are doing and watch all of these right now! Go! Why are you still reading this?!
This was #9 on the page view readers’ choice list.
This was also #1 on the page view readers’ choice list.
It’s list time! As usual we have your 10 favorite stories sorted by raw page view numbers, followed up on Monday with our personal favorite stories of 2012. Oh, but there’s more! As an added bonus to today’s list, which is ordered by raw page view numbers, we will also feature a 10 ten list of stories sorted by Facebook metrics (comments, likes, shares, etc…) in a subsequent post.
Of course these metrics tend to favor older posts as they have more opportunity to collect the stats like page views and likes, but it’s also because we usually kinda hang it up in October and just cruise until “list week”, get really drunk and then start trying again in January.
If this story hadn’t made this list, it would have certainly been in our top 10 list as few things sum up the inept St. Louis city government more than this story: A deer dies a well publicized death in downtown, yet no one bothers to go get the carcass, until a shooting happened by the deer, reminding the police to call and get someone to come get the deer…and the guy that was just shot.
Good thing we have all this violent crime in the city or nothing would get done!
Another overlap between your favorites and our personal favorites. Yes, we write a lot about crime, but that’s because a lot of crime happens. Stuff like this is what we do this for though. A fun story on a weird happening that leads to weird Facebook discussions with the guy that probably owns the castle:
Clearly coming in at #8, most people enjoyed our little St. Louis inside joke of a flowchart, but some people really got angry about it…and by “most people” we mean guys on Reddit.com’s /r/StLouis. Though despite the anger of a few, the fact that it generated that many comments sure seems like it struck a chord.
As for the local Reddit hate? We don’t take it seriously. See /r/StLouis used to like us but now “new Reddit” just seems to hate everything old Reddit liked. It’s just how the internet and the minds of an angry high school boy seems to work.
The former country morning show host fall from radio grace was pretty remarkable: The Bull morning show on day, fired the next, being weird about it on Facebook next, then fighting and old man in the casino parking lot, and then his death. The one silver lining was that his fall was quick enough that when the end came, lots of people still remembered and cared for him.
One of our true loves is to point out what a misguided turd our local media can be…in this case, it exposed itself.
Cardinal third baseman David Freese was a part of two wrecks in 2012, the second one involved an actual car, while this one here was more of a metaphorical train wreck.
Penis! On TV! Kinda related to the Cardinals!
KMOV continued it’s reign as the local network with the best “talent”. Can’t imagine why this continues to get so much traffic.
While we usually don’t like to stray in to the political area too much but when both sides of the fight are asking for it like this, it might as well have been gift wrapped. Special thanks to Todd Akin though for naturally looking creepy enough that our lackluster Photoshop ability still got the job done!
St. Louis still loves (or loves to hate) it’s radio personalities, as this is the second radio story to make the list and it of course involved JC Corcoran. A former fan of the site who was just too big of a target to stay a friend for long, JC finally got the boot from KTRS.
The best part of this story for us was the after-story where former Post Dispatcher Deb Peterson tried to call us out on the details of our report that differed from her’s. Turns out, we were right…she was wrong and kind of a bitch about it. We accept the apology she never gave. Thanks Deb!
Holy balls was this the fight to end all fights and you guys freaking loved it! Start watching it again right now for the 2012 memories, watch the whole thing a few more times to really wrap your mind around some of the lovely parenting decisions on display. Lets just say if this fight had happened at the zoo, there’s a greater than 90% chance this dumb bitch would have let the hungriest looking lion watch her kid while she went back in for round two.