On Friday we spread the link of our two year old pre-Mardi Gras coverage entitled: “Dos and Don’ts for you Mardi Gras Weekend” It’s a classic, which is kinda why we stopped covering Mardi Gras, but this year we slipped up. While we thought somethings were obvious, we should have added a new “Don’t”. Specifically: “Don’t: Point Your Gun at Police Officers.”
“I was never scared, but I was just shocked that I had just seen that, with as many shots and as much blood as there was,” he said. “At that time of day in that part of Soulard in the middle of Mardi Gras, that was the last thing I thought I was going to see.”
Police said the uniformed officers were working part-time jobs for Mardi Gras Inc. and responded to a report of gunfire about 2:30 p.m. near Ninth and Barton streets, just south of the main Mardi Gras activity.
Otis Roberson, 32, was brandishing a weapon in a crowded Soulard when two off duty police officers who were working security for Mardi Gras Inc (Yes, everything you love has a secret “inc” behind it. Such is the world today.), rode up on a golf cart and ordered Roberson to drop the weapon. When he instead pointed it at them, they fired bringing him down. Robinson later died at the hospital.
No word on Roberson’s intoxication level that we’ve been able to find, but STLToday is reporting that he did get off three rounds before the cops took him down. Pretty scary, and here you were thinking that the worst thing a fellow drunk could hit you with was a stream of urine or a beer bottle. You thought wrong! This is St. Louis!
Don’t worry though, because the guy that does PR for the people that run Mardi Gras Inc said it’s cool. Just keep drinking and everything will be fine.
Mack Bradley, a spokesman for Mardi Gras Inc. that runs the Soulard festival, said Saturday’s shooting may be the first such incident in the history of the event.
That kinda depends on where you draw that borders of “the event”.
He said he thinks the fact that most people who attended had fun and went home safely demonstrates that Soulard’s Mardi Gras is a largely safe celebration.
By that standard every day is a great day in St. Louis because, unless 500,000 people died that day, most people got home just fine. Also people must really overrate the violence in World War II, because we’re all here right? So that means most of the people survived that too! “The Greatest Generation” my ass, right Mack? That guy…that guy right there, the one simultaneously puking and peeing after drunkenly throwing a rock through that building’s window…he’s the real hero. He sorta survived Mardi Gras.
photo via KMOV
So it was our birthday on January 14th. We forgot. We turned four years old then, but now we’re like four and three quarters or something, and what does that get you? Not much it would seem. We still have a ways to go before that first drink, but we can get our ears pierced and then have everyone in the mall look at us and our parents with distain on our way to the car.
Last year on our birthday we gave you a new awesome redesign, but we didn’t this year because we still like this design. However, we do have something for you: Easter eggs aka weird features of the site that have been there forever and none of you knew it. There’s a bunch, but since no one has figured them out, here’s one everyone can try: “slay” Just click on any part of our page that isn’t a link to make sure your browser is in focus and then type the word “slay”, which you no doubt have figured out that it’s a tribute to one of our favorite targets on the site. Have fun trying to figure out the rest of them!
Also we noticed you guys didn’t exactly get us anything. Thanks so much (dick)!
David Lee Sperry was charged yesterday in the murder of Kenneth Ray Vaughn, who was found dead on January 10th after being shot in the head and set on fire. He also had no relation to singer Stevie Ray Vaughn but clearly didn’t mind the questions enough to stop using his middle name of Ray, but also didn’t go all the way by calling himself Kenny Ray Vaughn…but maybe he did because they always use your full name after your dead, like all of a sudden your own personal name preferences don’t count. It’s the worst thing about dying, probably. Well not for Kenneth. He was shot and then burned by a guy that looks like a zombie Art Garfunkel (right)…not current bald Art Garfunkel, but if Art Garfunkel from the 70′s was turned in to a zombie. …What? You don’t like that reference? You think it’s a stretch?! That may be, but don’t start thinking you’re special living in a world where zombie jokes are cool, but they cross the line at time travel?! F*ck you. You try thinking of 1,982 different ways of making St. Louis-area murder in to a funny joke! Take it from us buddy, eventually you’d get to a point where zombie oldies references seem like a pretty good idea!
Where were we?!
Why are we yelling?!
The victim, Kenneth Ray Vaughn, 68, was found dead on Jan. 10. His handyman, David Lee Sperry, was charged Tuesday with first-degree murder, first-degree arson and armed criminal action.
Police found Busch beer cans containing gasoline inside Vaughn’s mobile home.
Ah, no. This happens to people all the time officers, but you’re just assuming those Busch beer cans were filled with gasoline because Busch beer tastes and smells like gasoline. Honest mistake.
The cans had the tabs removed. Officers suspect the cans were used to pour the gas on Vaughn inside his mobile home in the 6400 block of Pawnee Drive.
When Sperry was arrested, he had 16 can tabs in his jeans pocket and told police that tearing them off was a habit.
Good story. Should have stuck with the sounds of silence if you know what we mean! Ha!
…if you don’t know what we meant, it was another Art Garfunkel reference.
Attention St. Louis:
The local news organizations would like to use this Tuesday night as a “do over” night. See the extra snow kinda took everyone by surprise, including our local news folks and they really really really feel horrible about not getting to spend a whole night going on and on about all the snow and how it will change everything.
Reporters doing outside live shots because you don’t believe it’s snowy unless someone it outside standing in it wearing a stylish news windbreaker!
Lots of multi-colored weather maps with long pointless explanations about why the snow is probably, going to, might end up, coming!
Anyway, so…how’s Tuesday sound? Do you all have a favorite show on Tuesdays, because ideally they’d like to preempt it. Maybe cut it right at the end of the show, to tell you the same thing they told you over the last commercial break, which was essentially: “It might snow tomorrow.”
We know this sounds like a total pain to let the local news get this do-over, but it would really mean a lot to them…and between us…they don’t have much going for them these days. The whole “you paid for it/it cost how much?/politicians are de craziest peoples” thing is really starting to wear thin, plus they’re really scared you might find out that you can get sports from ESPN (or your phone), national news from CNN/Fox/MSN (or your phone) and the weather from your window (or your phone). If that happens, they know its all over real quick, and they want to at least get a few more years in before the current crop of old people move on and they have to all get new jobs as salesmen or people that call themselves writers on Facebook.
We’ll say this for McCluer North High School, when you’ve got visiting adults dropping a beat down in the hall way, they sure take their freshmen hazing to the next level.
[Three] women were reportedly at the school to take a female student, a relative of theirs, out for lunch.
According to security footage, the women were walking toward their relative when she got into a fight with a freshman student.
Officers say the relative and another student began began fighting with the freshman, and the adults joined in.
Maybe they were planning on going to Subway and one of them said “Wait, doesn’t kicking the crap out of that 14-year old girl right there and then probably going to jail, sound better than having to eat Subway and deal with the eventual diarrhea?” and she’s right. Jail sounds horrible, but still way better than anything called “Turkeytopia”.
At one point, according to footage, there were five attackers –three adults and two students- assaulting the freshman student.
So this situation sounds bad, but one could argue that these “adults” could be passing on some valuable life lessons to these children: 1. Teamwork 2. Picking easily accomplishable tasks 3. …um…uh…What part of your body should you guard while on the ground getting kicked 4. The various steps of being booked by local authorities 5. What’s another way to say “teamwork”?
All three adults are facing assault, tresspassing and property damage charges. The students are charged with assault and property damage.
Ben Affleck swung by at the end of the freshman beat down, asked politely to go first, and added “I’d like to dedicate this first lick to your mother…” but apparently he’s been spared by the cops. Those movie stars get away with everything!
(If you’re feeling nostalgic and want to watch the whole clip from Dazed and Confused we linked to above and don’t mind a little NSFW audio, here you go.)
Police are looking for a man who robbed the Creve Coeur Dollar Store because it would seem this guy wanted to go through all the trouble and danger of robbing someone, but really only needed some walkin’ around money. Maybe so see a movie, get some popcorn and put some Milk Duds in there.
Police said two employees were counting cash in the back office of the Dollar Tree Store in the 12530 block of Olive when a man approached and demanded money.
The suspect, armed with a knife, tied the two employees together by using a rope before he fled the scene.
Unfortunately for the clerks but Dollar Tree “rope” is actually string from those cheap kites they always sell with cartoon heros from 10 years ago, so while not super effective, there was lots of it. The ALF kites are selling like they used to.
According to police, the suspect allegedly hid somewhere in the store until closing.
Probably in the large display of pool noodles they inexplicably keep up all year long. Its like a cheap neon foam forest in there!
Police described the suspect as a while male, approximately 6 feet tall and 200 pounds. He was wearing a black shirt and khaki pants with a sheer black stocking cap over his face.
He was last seen carrying a thin plastic bag of dollar bills in one hand, and five of those really big Pixie Stix in the other.