Oh yes, its that time again. Super Bowl means one thing: A change for our local TV news anchors a chance to loosen their ties, after sports and the weather of course, to talk about their favorite Super Bowl commercials and giggle away as the lights dim and they pitch to a Seinfeld rerun.
Screw that. You don’t actually watch the local news do you? Of course not. You get your weather and news online, so just go to Hulu.com and see the ads on there.
Feel free to insert your own sorta witty banter with that cardboard stand up of Mandy Murphy you made.
If you live in reach of Laclede Gas and you pay their rates you’re going to love this. I mean you’re really going to love this!
From BizJournals.com article “Laclede Q1 profit up 50%” [emphasis mine]:
Laclede Gas, the company’s core unit, saw its earnings rise 2.5 percent to $16.2 million in the recent quarter. The company attributed the increase to higher income from natural gas sales due to colder weather and higher surcharge revenue, offset by higher operating expenses and investment losses.
Interview Guy: “Wow, you guys did pretty well in the first quarter, why do you think that is?”
Laclede PR: “We’ve been charging a lot more for gas.”
Interview Guy: “Huh. I guess that would do it.”
Look at the stones on you Laclede. Seriously, thats basically exactly how it went down! Are you freaking kidding me? Wow.
Ok, I think I have a few pitchforks…anyone want to supply the torches and meet by the old mill around 9p tomorrow?
PunchingKitty is scanning Craigslist again and here’s what we found!
My Illinois lover – w4m – 40 (your bed)
I had a great time with you, and hope that this is more than a physical relationship . . . because I want it all, and I want it with you. I can’t wait to be in your arms again, waking up next to you was wonderful.
Location: “Your Bed” Damn baby. Anyway, if this dude does actually find this (he won’t) do you really think that this “lets come on really strong and mention ‘wanting it all’ and talk of spooning’ plan is going to work (it won’t)?
Kevin – w4m (Downtown)
I’ve posted before. Still looking for Kevin. Black guy, tall, dark, handsome. Drives a red pick up.
Um, on yeah. I know the guy. He wears those shirts and has ears? Also, pining away for “talk, (actually) dark and handsome” just made you a cliche…a desperate, sad cliche.
The last two are related! Fun!
Mike – w4m – 35 (st louis)
I just wanted to tell you our secret trip this weekend was fantastic. Looking forward to our next one. Im hoping you’ll make my fantasy come true. Next time I won’t let you leave I know you wont read this but I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LETS GET MARRIED
First off: “Yikes” Run Mike run. But what’s that? …a reply!
re Mike – w4m – 34 (Loserville)
If this is the Mike from South St.Louis with 2 daughters he’s nothing but a loser. He gets you to buy him dinner and different stuff. He saids he’s always working when he is with someone else when he is supposed to be devoted to you. Women beware of his childish games. He will do anything to get his way. He doesn’t care if he hurts you in the process. He’s nothing but trouble. I suggest to you to not even waste your time. He’s definitely no good.
So this crazy-ass just goes around Craigslist and when someone mention’s the extremely common name of “Mike” she springs into action? Lets say we get as specific as dudes named Mike that live in South City and have two daughters, there still has to at least be 20 of them!
Will one of you non-crazy broads have a talk with these girls? They are setting you guys crazy far back!
Two things are clear from that graphic above: 1. My photoshop skills are l33t. 2. St. Louis’ collective love for Kurt Warner hasn’t been this high since…well since he took our football team to the Super Bowl.
But why do we collectively love this guy so much? If you have been around St. Louis for a while now you are saying “What?! Kurt Warner is like if Jesus knew karate! He’s just too amazing to understand!” Well, what if you are new to St. Louis, or you are a google searching putting up his feet on our little cyber dive-bar here for a quick drink in the desert that is the internet? Kurt left town 7 or 8 years ago people! Everyone could use a refresher course! So let PunchingKitty.com count the reasons…
1. He’s a good football player.
2. He poops vitamins that he gives to under-nourished youth.
3. His mere existence gives Kevin Slaten something to talk about.
4. He transmits his thoughts to my dreams and tells me to kill people and light fires.
5. He might be the second coming of Jesus. Of course, if he is, he’s holding off the last judgement until after the Pro Bowl. You have 2 weeks sinners!
6. One time when he was with the Giants he was on the other team’s 23 yard line with 8 to go on the third down, and he fired a pass up the middle but it was too high and the receiver couldn’t get to it. It would appear that Kurt failed, but really there was a snake about to bite a small child in the first row behind the end zone and Kurt hit the snake on the head with his pass saving the kid. The snake was stunned but unharmed and returned to the wilderness after the game.
7. Kurt’s hugs cure the common cold. Though apparently not down syndrome.
8. He reads all your crazy Letters to the Editor about him you send to the Post Dispatch.
9. He has a good Christian hair cut.
10. When he touches me, its never a bad touch.
Do you have any you want to add? Toss them in the comments or hit us up on Twitter (Remember to put #pktip so it shows up on the front page!)
First chess, now this.
The Gateway City is the most challenging place to live with asthma in the United States.
That’s according to a study by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, which ranks St. Louis as the number one asthma capital.
This unfavorable ranking is being blamed on the lack of public smoke-free laws, the higher than average pollen counts over the the previous year, and an increase in asthma deaths.
Actually, this makes sense I guess. If you had asthma it would be kind of a bitch to live here. You can’t go to a bar in town without a burly gentleman standing next to you smoking like a chimney, and the pollen totally sucks.
I feel bad for you asthmatic people in the summer, with the smoke and pollen, coughing your ass off at the bar while I’m in the corner with a couple of fine bitches eating chicken wings by the bucket and doing body shots of blue cheese and tequila off the ladies while a team of well-trained midgets give me back rubs.
I’m ready for summer.
Oh thats right ladies! St. Louis might not have Fleet Week, but this year we have The 2009 U.S. Chess Championship!
Two dozen of the nation’s best chess players will be invited to participate in the 2009 U.S. Chess Championship, which will be held at the new Chess Club and Scholastic Center of Saint Louis. The tournament, which dates back to 1845, will take place from May 7 through 17, 2009 and will offer a purse of more than $130,000 in prize money.
If you’re not sure where to find the Chess Club and Scholastic Center of Saint Louis, its the building with the crazy long line of fine ass pussy rolling out of it 24/7!
The 24 invited players will include:
the top 12 American players by rating, using the April rating supplement;
the top two female players by rating, using the April rating supplement;
the 2008 U.S. Junior Closed Champion;
the 2008 U.S. Open Champion;
the 2009 U.S. State Champion of Champions;
a total of seven wild card spots, to be determined later.
I’m sure this is unrelated, but I wanted to mention that this year’s U.S. Atomic Wedgie Giving Championship is taking place right down the street at about the same time. I’m sure it will be fine. If you’ve spent this much time playing chess, like those 24 players, you must have learned to cut your underwear elastic to lessen the blow right?
For more information check out their site: www.saintlouischessclub.org